WHAT CHRISTMAS MEANS TO ME 2022.

It’s the most wonderful time of the year! This season can find us all in a reflective mood whether you are Christian or not. It’s a time where we get together with our loved ones, share gifts, and eat plenty. Although I love all those things, lets always remember Jesus is the reason for the season. This year I have been given a new reflection, and I pray that the Holy Spirit will always give me fresh eyes to see the many ways that God loves us.

Last month I was at a place where I found myself doubting my commitment and even my love for God. It started from a relapse I had. Now, I have always said that I had struggles, but never really mentioned what I struggled with because I wanted to talk about it when I felt truly free from it. I now realise, that is not the right way to go about it. I think the underlying reason for not sharing was because I felt shame, whether I realised it or not. I wanted to talk about it with you when I had overcome it, but that’s not how this works, so in keeping with being completely transparent, I am going to share what to this day I still continue to struggle with.

I struggle with being free from porn and masturbation. LUST. I will make a post in the new year about it in more detail but for now it’s important to know what the catalyst was for my revelation about what this season means to me this year. After having a good solid run of being free from even having the urge to seek out porn, I suddenly relapsed and had a few bad days where I totally ignored God and wouldn’t speak to Him, or even Seek Him out because of the deep disappointment and shame I felt. I started to feel unworthy, worthless, and even came to the conclusion that my struggle meant that I could not possibly love God if I kept doing the things that I knew he hated! Knowing that every Sunday I was up leading worship, but still here I am buried under my sin?! I felt like a fraud.

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I had taken “For the wages of sin is death” from Romans 6:23 and weaponised it against myself. Repeating it over and over in my head, I told myself that I was going to pay for my lack of self-control. This is the part where I tell you how important it is to have community amongst your brothers and sisters in Christ. To have people you feel safe enough to share with that know God and receive you with love and truth. It was my sisters who sowed this seed in me when I broke down and shared what I had done, how I was feeling about it, and how I was feeling about myself. My sister shared this verse with me, and the enemy who I had let take root in my mind was suddenly evicted!

ROMANS 7:15 “I DON’T REALLY UNDERSTAND MYSELF, FOR I WANT TO DO WHAT IS RIGHT, BUT I DON’T DO IT. INSTEAD, I DO WHAT I HATE.” If Paul who wrote at least 13 books of the Bible said this, then clearly, he had struggles too! Who knows what he was referring to? but knowing that even someone as Holy as him still wrestled with things made me feel an instant peace. The fact that I was so grieved by my actions was a sign that I loved God! How easy it was for me to let the enemy sow a seed of doubt, it was frightening. After that fellowship, the Holy Spirit; my helper kept on showing me things that focused on God’s love for me. The coming together of everything was sparked by the words “HIGH VALUE.” I know that if you dabble on some of the secular platforms on social media, you usually see this spoken about in regard to men being high value in the most toxic way possible. But it was reading a devotional one morning that highlighted this word in the most beautiful way. I hope it speaks to you like it spoke to me.

Do you know how highly God values you? How much worth you have? God knows you are far from perfect, He even knows what you are going to do, say, or even think before you know it. Even though you have your struggles and you have your bad days, He never holds it against you when you fall short, instead He meets you with grace and love and shows you more mercy than you deserve. His love for you is a love that is hard to comprehend. It’s a love that you will never experience from anyone else. It’s a love that can feel foreign because to receive a love like it, usually comes with conditions. God loves you without condition. His love isn’t dependant on you loving Him back (although it would be wise if you did) He loved you before you loved Him!

EPHESIANS 3:18 “AND MAY YOU HAVE THE POWER TO UNDERSTAND, AS ALL GOD’S PEOPLE SHOULD, HOW WIDE, HOW LONG, HOW HIGH, AND HOW DEEP HIS LOVE IS.”

Do you know how much God wants you? Do you know how much He wants to be apart of your life? How He wants you to be able to be in relationship with Him? For God who is Holy and perfect and infinite longs to be close to you! Because of His enduring and unfailing love for you, He made a way that he could redeem you to Himself, where you belong. You who were born in sin, born on a sinking ship, in a vast, deep, dark ocean, with no way of escape; death was inevitable. Everyone on this ship doesn’t even realise it is sinking because the hole is so small and nobody has noticed the water seeping in. But because God is so good and loves you so much, He made a way for you to be saved from this sinking ship. A life boat appears and His name is Jesus. God sent His one and only Son to pay the ultimate debt for you, a debt that you could never pay for yourself because you are not perfect. He sent He who was without sin to pay the price for your sin! The ultimate sacrifice, because God loves you so deeply and see’s that you are high value.

JOHN 3:16-17 “FOR GOD SO LOVED THE WORLD THAT HE GAVE HIS ONE AND ONLY SON, THAT WHOEVER BELIEVES IN HIM SHALL NOT PERISH BUT HAVE ETERNAL LIFE. FOR GOD DID NOT SEND HIS SON INTO THE WORLD TO CONDEMN THE WORLD, BUT TO SAVE THE WORLD THROUGH HIM.”

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This season I was reminded of God’s deep love for me. He sent Jesus so I could be close to Him, because the only way to the Father is through the Son. Even though I still struggle and I am far from perfect, His Love is Perfect and it casts out fear so I can trust in Him. When I stumble I am reminded that He made a way for me, and it doesn’t require me to be perfect everyday, His grace is sufficient. All I have to do is believe with all my heart in my Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ!

So as Christmas day fast approaches and we are reminded of the birth of Jesus, let us also be reminded of God’s love for us. When I think about it I am often overwhelmed because I honestly believe I don’t deserve it, but who does? God is just that Good! And if He never did another thing in my life, I would still shout out that my God is Good, I am saved! I don’t know who needed to hear this but I hope you feel encouraged! If you are a new follower of Jesus like myself I say to you, you are doing great. God knows your heart so don’t be hard on yourself if you don’t always get things right, remember the righteous path isn’t the easiest path, know you are not alone. If you don’t know Jesus then I encourage you to find out who He is, what He means to YOU and why you NEED Him. As I drift away to safety on my life boat I pray others find their life boat too.

MERRY CHRISTMAS, MAY GOD BLESS YOU ALL THE DAYS OF YOUR LIFE!

THE MISCONCEPTION OF RELIGION.

I know, I know, it’s been a minute. Let me tell you the devil is real! My laptop broke, and I just got it back in working order last weekend, hallelujah! So much has been happening, I don’t even know where to start. I have a few posts that were waiting to be posted (since June) that you will see very shortly, so they may seem a little outdated, but still very relevant. I never realised how doing this blog was helping to shape me until I was disconnected from it. Oh, how I missed this space! Thank you if you are still here with me, please forgive my inconsistence, and hello if you are new to my little blog. There is so much I want to share, so much I have learned during my absence. This walk with God constantly surprises me, it can also be extremely challenging! Every day I am reminded that it really is a choice we make to follow Jesus, it’s actually easier to not follow Him. Which brings me on to today’s topic, religion and the misconception of it.

The reason why I wanted to write this post comes from a Facebook status I saw on my feed from an old work colleague. He is not a believer; he is into Buddhism. Do you ever notice how “wise” people into Buddhism think they are? Like they hold the key to all of life’s unanswered questions? Well, this Facebook friend decided to share his thoughts, probably feeling super enlightened as he typed it out and clicked on post. It read as follows “In my opinion, people turn to religion not to be informed, but to be massaged. It tells them what they want to hear, not what they need to know.” If I am being honest, the post annoyed me. It annoyed me so much all I could comment was “interesting theory.” I had so many thoughts and feelings about it, I didn’t think I could respond in a way that would spark a healthy debate. So, I mulled it over until I had all my thoughts in order, and here we are. Now I don’t know if my colleague will see this, if he does, he will know that this is about him. Just know I have written this with love.

The first question I had after reading that post was what was the religion he was referring to? I couldn’t help but think it was a jab at Christianity, after all Christianity seems to be the most disrespected religion out there! From jokes about Jesus, to tv shows being blasphemous, it’s always socially acceptable to step on the beliefs of Christians. My theory is because Christianity is the truth! Jesus is the only way to the Father and the enemy knows that, so he has people lost and believing the lies and propaganda that is spewed out. Remember the enemy has no care if you follow God. Many people follow a God, but Jesus is who he doesn’t want you to acknowledge!

I also remembered in my time hearing, and even once upon a time agreeing with that sentiment. There always used to be this thought process when you heard that someone you once knew gave their life to Christ. It was that the person had been searching for something that they could not find to satisfy them in everyday life. They had hit their lows in life and could no longer stay afloat like the rest of us. They had failed, so they turned to religion. The funny thing about that was it wasn’t far from the truth; the problem was WE had it all wrong. There is something we are ALL searching for, something that money, material things, sex, drugs, alcohol or social status cannot fill. That space we all try to fill is only reserved for God! The God-shaped hole as I’ve heard it put. We can have all the things this world has to offer and still be unhappy, depressed, and riddled with anxiety. I could go on and on, but I don’t want to stray too far from the point I was trying to make. I remember always looking at someone who suddenly found religion like they were doing life wrong, they needed people to hold their hand and tell them what they wanted to hear, a little like my work colleague. So, I know he wrote that post from a place of ignorance, I too used to be just as ignorant!

LUKE 9:23 “THEN HE SAID TO THEM ALL: “WHOEVER WANTS TO BE MY DISCIPLE MUST DENY THEMSELVES AND TAKE UP THEIR CROSS DAILY AND FOLLOW ME.” I love how it is worded in Luke because of the word “daily.” It really is just that! Every day I wake up and have to deny myself to choose Christ. Following Jesus is doing the opposite of what my flesh wants to do. It’s a constant battle and anyone who says it isn’t, is not being honest. The stronger your walk with God becomes the less battles you may face, but there will always be battles! For 37 years of my life, I was living as an enemy of God. I did what brought me pleasure, I lived for myself only. I got drunk, I had sex casually; there was nothing holy about the life I lived. When God called me, and I answered, He didn’t tell me what I wanted to hear, nor did He massage my ego! He didn’t tell me I was doing a good job and to keep up the good work. Instead, He absolutely brought me to my knees! He showed me I was a sinner, He showed me that the path I was on only led to death, He humbled me! I can say I was truly informed, I was given truth, a truth that had been hidden from me. It’s hard to be told home truths about yourself. It’s hard to accept your shortcomings, but the truth revealed to me was such a great act of love, a love only God could have shown me!

When I read that post I was triggered because I knew how hard it had been for me, and still is to be “religious”, whatever that means to people these days. It’s funny how the word religion can feel so negative at times. When I was part of the world, I never liked that word. Religion meant hypocrite to me. I had such a bad impression of religious people; everyone became tarred with the same brush. When I became a believer, I tried my hardest not to be “religious” even though my view of religion in general was not correct. As I read the bible and started to understand what it meant to be a Christian, God softened my heart to the wording, and now informed I stopped looking at it in a negative way, after all the word means to believe in, and worship a superhuman power, a God, which is not a lie. Now when people use the word religion in a negative way it makes me think of the religious leaders of the bible who would fulfil their religious duties, appearing holy from the outside, but their heart posture was not of God, they had no relationship. Unfortunately, there are a lot of so-called Christians who live like the Pharisees of the bible today.

1 PETER 1:14 “SO YOU MUST LIVE AS GOD’S OBEDIENT CHILDREN. DON’T SLIP BACK INTO YOUR OLD WAYS OF LIVING TO SATISFY YOUR OWN DESIRES. YOU DIDN’T KNOW ANY BETTER THEN.” It can be so easy to slip back into old habits, that is why we are constantly warned throughout the bible about the dangers of this. It’s very different falling back into sin when you know better. The conviction you feel knowing you are displeasing God but doing it anyway is another level. The road to Jesus is not easy! The great thing about it is that He never gives us a false impression of what it means to be His sheep. He tells us the path is narrow, He tells us we will face persecution for His namesake, He tells us we will be asked to sacrifice and put ourselves last, He tells us we will endure suffering and be hated! If we look at the society we live in today; the shift that culture is making, if we stand true to God’s word and do not compromise ourselves, we will experience all those hardships that we are warned about. To be a Christian today is to go against the world we live in, a world that glorifies what God hates. A world where people are a lover of selves, where money and status are king, where people’s hearts have become hardened and cruel, and there is a lack of love for people in general. To be a Christian who does not compromise in this day and age is not an easy feat! Sadly, many are failing in this department; deconstruction is really happening. Nothing about being a Christian is a walk in the park.

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JOHN 16:33 “I HAVE TOLD YOU THESE THINGS, SO THAT IN ME YOU MAY HAVE PEACE. IN THIS WORLD YOU WILL HAVE TROUBLE. BUT TAKE HEART! I HAVE OVERCOME THE WORLD.” Even though we will go through our trials and tribulations, we can have peace in our hearts because we have Jesus! He has already won! We are to keep our eyes focused on above not on earthly desires/treasures, things that are meaningless to the kingdom because we cannot take them with us. Remember we are aliens here; this is not our home. We know our God is faithful and keeps His promises. As Christians our eyes and hearts are focused on an eternity with Christ, that is what we have to look forward to. That is why we choose the hard path and deny ourselves. My Facebook buddy has it wrong, it’s the world that tells you what you want to hear. It’s the world that massages your ego! We live in a culture that affirms your every whim and lies and tells you it’s an act of love. You can wake up and be whatever you want to be, and because it’s your “truth” then that’s ok, cause as long as you are living your “truth” that’s all that matters, even if that “truth” causes you more harm than good.

My Facebook buddy shared his opinion, and opinions can always change. Who knows, maybe he wasn’t even thinking about Christianity when he wrote that post, I could have been triggered for no reason lol, only God knows what was in his heart when he wrote it. But I do know many people share that view of religion and maybe this post will help someone to rethink and ask questions, God has a funny way of reaching people. Although I have spoken about the difficulties of this walk, I want you to know this is, and will forever be the best decision I ever made in my miserable existence. I felt so empty for the longest time, I experienced so much trauma as a result of my search to fill my missing piece. The changes that God has done in me has given me a contentment in myself and my life that I never had before. God has filled me, and I feel so complete within myself. If you read this, and you experience an emptiness, maybe you do not know God yet, or maybe you are curious and something inside you is making you want to explore, well just taste and see, He is good! He knows you and His love for you is so deep that even though you live opposed to Him, when you decide to seek Him, He will be waiting for you with His arms outstretched. Isn’t that beautiful.

WHO’S BODY IS IT ANYWAY?

I hope the month of May finds you in good health, physically and spiritually! We are at the end of the month and so much is happening in this world we live in. It’s sad to watch the lost fall further away from the light of God. The most disturbing thing of late has been the talk of women’s bodies and what they have the right to do with them. I’m talking about the sensitive topic of abortion. I have debated about discussing this topic, but its been hard to ignore of late because of what’s going on in America (it’s always America lol) Plus it’s been a very triggering subject for me as in my past life I was no stranger to that procedure. So I have been wrestling with the feelings of seeming hypocritical about my stance on it now. I have constantly had to remind myself that I was once dead in my transgressions, but now that I have accepted Christ I am reborn, I am a new creation, I know better now because I live in God’s truth, my sins are forgiven!

It’s funny listening to peoples views about abortion, it reminds me that I once held the same opinions, like I said before I have utilised that option more than once. I never thought anything about it then, it was like going for a routine procedure at my doctors, it was an option I had no problem using! Fast forward to now and that choice I made haunts me to this day. I know that God has forgiven my past transgressions but forgiving myself is something I am working on. The sad thing about it is I always saw myself as a mother, I’ve always been told I would make a good one. When I was younger I had a vision for my life. When I think about it, it was quite traditional. I always wanted to get married, I saw myself with a husband, kids and a house (minus the white picket fence) I saw all these things happening for me by the age of 30, because at 19 yrs of age 30 felt ancient! Now I am knocking at 40’s door, alone. Sometimes I feel like maybe I missed my chance to have those things, sometimes my mind tells me its my punishment. Of course deep down inside I know better.

There are many reasons that women choose the option of abortion, but I can only tell you about my reasons. The first time I made that choice I was 19 yrs old. 19 was a big year for me, it was the year I discovered my sexuality and the year I lost my virginity. I was the last in a group of my friends. Although I wasn’t really in a rush, the fact that I was in a friends group who shared this experience, I felt like I was falling behind, and the more I hesitated the more fear I built up around sex. Now no one ever sat me down to tell me about sex and how to have it safely, I was just out here winging it. My mum ignored the topic in hopes I would just forget about it and I wouldn’t show any interest in the act. Of course that was not what happened, instead the world and its views taught me about sex.

I was so naïve to sex and the repercussions of it, I was just learning from my mistakes, and not always. Before the year was out I found myself pregnant and in an abusive relationship. I won’t go into details about that but I was already planning my escape so there was no way in my mind I was ready for that responsibility, and I surely didn’t want to be tied to a man that was mentally trying to destroy me and now was being physical and threatening. My mum was not against it, she had a history of also using that as an “easy fix” option. So that was that, it was quick and I carried on with life feeling relieved. The next time was very different, it was not so easy as I wanted to be a mother, although I was only 21 years old, I was in a different relationship, I was young, still naïve and in love. My partner (who I ended up spending 7yrs of my life with) wasn’t really committed, I was ten steps ahead in where I thought we were in our relationship. Everyone saw it for what it was but me, but that’s what happens when you are young and in love. When I realised three months in (the first trimester) that I was pregnant, my mum was upset, more because she didn’t like my boyfriend but she also thought I was too young! She saw me going down the same path as she did, being a young single mother, and she didn’t want that for me. It was her idea for me to see the doctor to discuss my “options”. Like I said before, I wanted to be a mother. I wasn’t convinced 100% that ending my pregnancy was what I wanted. But after a visit to the doctor, and my doctor (a woman) telling me that I didn’t want to end up being another statistic by having a child and being a single black mother, she booked my appointment at a well known clinic, and I left feeling voiceless and confused. By the time my appointment arrived, I was so confused I went anyway because I didn’t want to be another statistic and I didn’t want to struggle like my mum so I thought that was the best decision, even though I regretted it after and sobbed until my my eyes were red. But even then my views on abortion were still the same, that was not my first rodeo, just the first time I actually wanted to keep it. I never saw it as murder, I was convinced that it wasn’t murder because it wasn’t actually a “baby” yet!

PSALMS 139:16 “YOU SAW ME BEFORE I WAS BORN. EVERYDAY OF MY LIFE WAS RECORDED IN YOUR BOOK. EVERY MOMENT WAS LAID OUT BEFORE A SINGLE DAY HAD PASSED.” How beautiful to know that God knew you before you were born, He knew everything that you would do in your life before you lived out your first day! How intentional He was when he formed you in your mothers womb! If God thought about everyone of us so intently, from the moment we are conceived we are important, we already have purpose, and we are known by God so we are “somebody”, we have a soul! The world will convince you that we are just an embryo that has no feeling or importance, but that is a lie from the enemy!

JEREMIAH 1:5 “I KNEW YOU BEFORE I FORMED YOU IN YOUR MOTHER’S WOMB. BEFORE YOU WERE BORN I SET YOU APART AND APPOINTED YOU AS MY PROPHET TO THE NATIONS.” When God called on Jeremiah, he thought that he wasn’t ready for such a calling, he thought he was too young. But God told him that He had a plan for his life, He knew him before he was born, He formed him in his mother’s womb!! His message isn’t just for Jeremiah, but can be for all of us! God has plans for everyone of us, and it starts before He forms us in the womb. To say we don’t hold any importance is a lie, because to God we are important at all stages! Abortion is definitely a sin! When you are aligned with God’s will you see everything differently, what grieves Him, grieves you. I read someone say that because abortion wasn’t mentioned in the bible how could it be a sin? PROVERBS 16:4 “THE LORD HAS MADE EVERYTHING FOR ITS PURPOSE, EVEN THE WICKED FOR THE DAY OF TROUBLE.”

What I have learnt on my walk is that this is not my home, this fallen world, I have become an alien in. What seems wise to the world is foolish to God. When we don’t know God we will always choose ourselves and what feels right to us over God’s truth. Satan’s plan is to destroy us, and we give him the power to when we don’t submit to God and His perfect way. Satan is the father of lies, this world belongs to him. When you listen to people who reason for abortion it’s just a reminder of how far away we are from God. I can’t even be angry as I was once a lost soul, I didn’t know God, I didn’t know truth! In this generation sex has become so casual, it’s become cheap and unimportant. People have casual hook ups and are not bothered because they know that if they become pregnant they have “options.” Children are having children because the culture is teaching them about sex. Even in the worst situation a woman may find herself in, having a baby as a result still can be positive because you don’t know who that child will become, you don’t know God’s plan even in the worst scenario. Even still there are always other options like adoption. People have become so detached and dehumanised about what abortion is, it makes me sad. JEREMIAH 29:11 “FOR I KNOW THE PLANS I HAVE FOR YOU,” SAYS THE LORD. “THEY ARE PLANS FOR GOOD AND NOT FOR DISASTER, TO GIVE YOU A FUTURE AND A HOPE.”

To the people that don’t know God, I understand why you will always make those decisions and choose the love of self over the love of God. But to my fellow brothers and sisters in Christ who I have heard say that abortion should be a choice given to a woman, even though you would not make the same choice for yourself, I ask you to really think about that and why that is. Don’t become a compromised Christian, read your bible and spend alone time with your Father in heaven. Make sure your relationship is where it should be, don’t let the culture infect you with lies, until you can not discern what is truth! The scripture that has really resided in me this month is this, ROMANS 12:2 “DON’T COPY THE BEHAVIOR AND CUSTOMS OF THIS WORLD, BUT LET GOD TRANSFORM YOU INTO A NEW PERSON BY CHANGING THE WAY YOU THINK. THEN YOU WILL LEARN TO KNOW GOD’S WILL FOR YOU, WHICH IS GOOD AND PLEASING AND PERFECT.” It’s so easy to be swayed by the majority, going against the grain is difficult. Having a conversation such as this with someone who is strongly for abortion will not make you any new friends. That’s ok because we already know that the world will not love us because we love Christ! But stay strong in God’s love and don’t let the world and what it stands for grind you down, stay convicted in truth! Talk to people in love about these difficult topics, you won’t win everybody over, but you will make some think about what they really believe, and if you can do that God will take care of the rest.

THE ROAD IS NARROW, BECAREFUL YOU DON’T FALL!

I hope everyone enjoyed the past Resurrection Sunday. This time is always a time of reflection, a time to remember what Christ did for us on the cross, a time to remember that we were once dead in our transgressions until we believed and accepted Jesus into our lives and were brought back from death, given the gift of eternal life! Hallelujah!

I wanted to return to blogging but I had to recognise that I was going through a difficult season spiritually first before I could stay true to what my blog was built on, HONESTY! I am really trying my best to be transparent with you, not only does it help me on my walk, but it can also be a help to YOU on your journey. Life can be so distracting. It starts of as something almost insignificant diverting your attention, then it slowly spirals into something even more distracting and time consuming, and before you know it all the spiritual disciplines you had made a habit of become almost non existent! Suddenly the fire that once was ablaze starts to dim a little and you start to become a little relaxed in your convictions. I know some of you might feel like that could never happen to “me”, and maybe you are right, but that is not realistic in the world we live in. We all have our moments when we are not as on fire as we used to be. Now I am not saying that this has happened to me, although my lack of frequent blog posts may suggest otherwise lol I may have been quiet here on the blog but still have been involved in my church activities, and still consistently doing bible study with mum, which in itself has been very fruitful for her and our family; repairing relationships that I never thought I would see repaired, and allowing unforgiveness to depart and hearts to be softened. In my absence from blogging I was also blessed to be able to give another sermon at my church which I will share with you in a later post! So Although I haven’t “fallen off” I did recognise where my consistency in the habits I had built had dipped, and because of that I noticed that a few strongholds I thought I had a handle on are now tormenting me again! How easy we forget what life was like when we were bound to our desires, when we were slaves to our flesh! As soon as you receive freedom from such things and you live for awhile without the torment, oh how quickly you forget how bad it was! That was my fault, I got too relaxed and for a minute forgot that we are in a constant spiritual war! Being in a never ending battle means that I must always be ready for attack! Unfortunately I told my soldiers to take a break and they fell asleep for too long and before they knew it, they were rudely awoken by a sneak attack from the enemy. Now we all know the enemy can not win the war because Jesus defeated the enemy when He died for us on the cross, but he might leave us a little wounded if we are not prepared. That is exactly how I feel right now, wounded!

One day I will reveal what my struggle is, but right now I feel I want to be truly free from its clutches before I disclose all the details. Maybe that is the wrong way to view my situation, but I really wanna share when it is not such a trigger for me, and I really wanna share with advise of how I overcame! I will disclose with you all what it is, I promise but just not in this post. I will say this before I continue, there is no shame in whatever your bondage is if you truly confess it! And I don’t mean just to God in prayer, but also to your brothers and sisters in Christ who you trust and can hold you accountable! When we keep our sin to ourselves we don’t address it the way we should, we even stop talking to God about it cause of our shame and that is very dangerous. It’s a slippery slope, because we start lying to ourselves about the severity of what that sin is that keeps us bound and before we know it, we are stepping further into darkness! I definitely have people that hold me accountable so I advice you all to do the same. Just know whatever you are struggling with, God can bring real healing and breakthrough!

When you lived a worldly life, you can be left with a kind of stain from it. Of course there is glory to be had from that “stain” because your testimony will always be powerful, and that just gives more glory to God! I never grew up knowing God, so what I participated in when I was part of the world sometimes haunts me like an old movie, and it’s those memories; or images that the enemy likes to use to bring me back to his will. When I first accepted Jesus into my life I went through a hard time, like most do. I was truly under spiritual attack, and the way it manifested itself I really struggled cause it was something I had never experienced before so intensely! When I realised doing things on my own was not working for me, I then understood that only the armour of God would suffice! EPHESIANS 6:10-11 “FINALLY, BE STRONG IN THE LORD AND IN HIS MIGHTY POWER. PUT ON THE FULL ARMOUR OF GOD, SO THAT YOU CAN TAKE YOUR STAND AGAINST THE DEVILS SCHEMES.” It was at this moment that I decided to build spiritual habits or some might call disciplines to really help me through when I felt tormented the most; which was always at night. I decided to read the Word before I went to bed, a few chapters of the bible for a bout 10mins before I closed my eyes. I did this consistently night after night, and let me tell you, nothing happened…..at first. As my nights became more intense, the nightmares I started having were so real I would awake in tears thinking I had given into my sin. I remember really crying out to God in that moment because I understood that even though I hadn’t received any breakthrough, I knew that God still was the only way I could receive freedom from it all. I then started to read the Word in the mornings, before I got out of bed, before I picked up my phone to scroll the normal social apps. I then started reading the Word for 30mins at bedtime, and I would pray for breakthrough. I did this without fail every morning and every night, and by the third week I had the most disturbing dream of them all; I dreamt of a demon (yes you read right) I dreamt a demon who seemed like a queen because she had a crown that was melded to her head, she was floating above me, legs crossed glaring down at me, teeth which were sharp and long grimacing at me, anger pouring out of her, just glaring at me. Using the mental power she seemed to have over me, she was trying to close my mouth, but I was fighting my hardest to open my mouth so I could confess my love for Jesus! I woke up shortly after never experiencing anything like that in my life! I started to play spiritual warfare prayers whilst I slept. I did all of these things consistently that it became normal practice, I didn’t think about it. Sometimes I read for longer than 30 mins, I had fully immersed myself in it all. By the fourth week I got my break through. God gave me my first (and so far only) prophetic dream!

I won’t be sharing my dream with you, sorry. Sometimes we must keep things to ourselves, especially when they come from God! Not everything must be shared, not at least until you truly understand what God is telling you. I do believe that God showed me a glimpse of my purpose and what I would be doing for the kingdom. After that dream God gave me peace! The nightmares had stopped! I was no longer tormented and the urges I had to fall into sin left me! After that I still kept up with the spiritual habits and they became something I did without even thinking about it. During that time I was really on fire for God, He was moving me along in my journey and because I was being obedient He was presenting me with opportunity after opportunity and all I had to do was say YES! JOHN 14:21 “THOSE WHO ACCEPT MY COMMANDMENTS AND OBEY THEM ARE THE ONES WHO LOVE ME. AND BECAUSE THEY LOVE ME, MY FATHER WILL LOVE THEM. AND I WILL LOVE THEM AND REVEAL MYSELF TO EACH OF THEM”

As time went by and life happens, things in my personal life became a little full on. I was doing so much at one time and wasn’t leaving myself time to make my spiritual habits a priority. Before I knew it I stopped making time to read before bed, and after awhile my morning ritual of reading the Word before I started my day began to suffer. I started to learn to drive so I was consumed with watching videos and reading the highway code. I didn’t even realise I had stopped my habits all together! I realised when one day I was looking for a certain scripture and I was checking my bookmarks, that’s when I saw it had been 10 weeks since my habits had come to a complete stop! I was still picking up my bible but it was for my normal usage like bible study. MATTHEW 4:4 “JESUS ANSWERED, ‘IT IS WRITTEN: MAN SHALL NOT LIVE ON BREAD ALONE, BUT ON EVERY WORD THAT COMES FROM THE MOUTH OF GOD’ “ If we need to eat everyday to survive, I am talking about breakfast, lunch and dinner everyday! How much more of God’s word do we need to consume daily, multiple times a day even??!? We stop taking our spiritual food: God’s Word, and spiritually we become weak! Continue to not eat and eventually you die! What does death look like spiritually? I would assume death looks like how we once were before we believed and accepted Jesus as our Lord and Saviour! It would look like you falling off the narrow path and landing back on the wide path that leads to damnation! And believe me I am not even being dramatic. It’s funny because when I stopped spiritually consuming food daily, I noticed that I became spiritually weak! It was then that I started to be reminded of old habits which God had given me freedom over. Because I stopped consuming God’s Word daily, it allowed my mind to become idle and I would think about memories that were triggers for me and almost at times catch myself meditating on it! That is how I let the enemy attack me once again! I stopped being prepared for war.

The most important thing is realising that there is a problem and instead of falling deeper into the rabbit hole, asking God for the strength to overcome! And that is exactly where I am at right now. So now that we are all caught up, it was my struggle that really made me realise how easy it is to “fall off”. You can be the most on fire for Jesus person there is but you can still “fall off” It happens to the best of them. Think of those well known Pastors of present and past who had glowing reputations of being on fire for Jesus; bringing many to know Christ! But then it comes to light that they had deep dark secrets and were doing unspeakable things. They are all perfect examples of what happens when you don’t address your sin, when you keep it hidden! Like I said before we start to make excuses for ourselves and our desires, and minimise the severity of it. Once we take a bite of the forbidden fruit, it becomes almost impossible to stop eating! We all know how to be performative when it counts. We will always keep up appearances and look like we are flourishing from the outside, but inside our hearts are not right, and our personal relationship with God suffers! Remember the road is narrow, be careful you don’t fall! This blog post is a reminder to eat your “food”, stay strong and stay alert! No matter what you struggle with remember God’s grace is always a gift that never runs out! Don’t let the enemy have you thinking that you are not good enough to receive this gift because that is a LIE! You can fall seven times, but as long as you get back up seven times, God’s hand will always be outstretched to you! Dust yourself off and keep your eye on the prize as they say! Believe me when I say I am doing just that, I am taking my own advise and I am back to eating my food again! It’s a habit that needs to be rebuilt, because its very easy to make reasons to not create these spiritual disciplines! But I have noticed a difference already and I find I can hear God more! I am feeling inspired to write and my fire is getting brighter!

Here is my first book recommendation for people struggling to create their own spiritual habits. I found this book really helpful and it will be a book I constantly go back to! Its called “SPIRITUAL DISCIPLINES FOR THE CHRISTIAN LIFE” by Donald S. Whitney, you will not regret buying it and you can thank me later! Until next time, God bless and thank you for sticking with me.

CHRISTIANS AND CANCEL CULTURE

Hi, remember me….. Yeah it’s been a while, but life! Lets just start by thanking God and giving Him all the glory for the fact that I am still here and able to come back with another post! This world has gotten a little crazier since I last posted and I have been paying attention to it all! Whether it’s celebrity antics or the war currently taking place, there is a lot happening right now. Firstly I wanna acknowledge and send prayers to those that have lost their lives, and those who don’t know whether tomorrow will come in the Ukraine. Without wanting to feel like I am jumping on another hashtag bandwagon, it’s important to acknowledge that there have been plenty of conflicts and war, this one right now seems to be getting more traction in news and media. So my prayer is not only for the people of the Ukraine, but for all the voiceless and faceless all over the world who have been victims of tyrants, who have lost so much and become displaced, for all refugees!

For the last few weeks this topic has been heavy on my heart, the issue of cancel culture amongst Christians. I have started to think that maybe we were the originators of this cancel culture we see today! That might seem extreme to say but think about it! For as long as I can remember; and this is before I knew the Lord, when I thought of Religion I always equated it to judgement and condemnation, which is the opposite of what Christianity is supposed to be! I remember I was never alone in that thinking, it seemed that was the general assumption amongst non believers. How sad is that!? But why did “we” believe that?? It’s how Christians conducted themselves, it’s how the Church would quickly turn their backs on you if you somehow didn’t meet the standards they had placed on your life. It had nothing to do with Christ but had everything to do with man’s opinion of right and wrong! Sad to say I am seeing the same thing today. What I am noticing today, and to be honest its always been this way, but there are too many Religious people and not enough Christians. Let me explain what I have worked out in my short time on this walk with Christ. When I started to get to know the Lord, I mean really get to know Him through bible study, I saw the difference of what it meant to be Religious and what it meant to be a Christian. In the bible, the Religious leaders in the time of Jesus (the Sadducees, the Pharisees, the Scribes) were what Religion looked like, to be fair it still looks the same in present day. But these Religious leaders would look holy and devout from outside appearances because of the “works” they did and the laws they followed. But when you looked inside of their hearts, their hearts were hardened, they were self indulgent, full of greed and worldly desires. They looked down on others that didn’t meet their standards, standards passed on through tradition. They ignored the important issues that God required from them and focused on minute details that had nothing to do with Gods word.

Jesus said this in the sermon on the mount ” DO NOT THINK THAT I HAVE COME TO ABOLISH THE LAW OR THE PROPHETS; I HAVE NOT COME TO ABOLISH THEM BUT TO FULFILL THEM.” MATTHEW 5:18. He came to build upon what was already established, so that we were no longer legalistic, so that we would have a deeper understanding of who God was through Christ, so that we could be in relationship with God through His Son. Jesus came not only to teach God’s word, but to be a doer of God’s word, something the Religious leaders had not grasped. That to me is what makes a Christian. We are to know God’s word and apply it to our daily lives. So the question I pose to you is this, are you Religious? or are you a Christian?

Now I don’t know how much of social media you intake, but I find it interesting watching from the side-lines. Before Christ I was heavily influenced by culture, social media was my bible. Now it makes me cringe when I see what used to move me, when I would agree with people online thinking they were wise and speaking truth. Now that I see God’s truth is the ONLY truth that matters because it is everlasting, it is clear to me what it really means to be a new creation. Which leads me onto what triggered this whole think tank….Kanye West! Whether you who reads this blog even knows who Kanye West is, is irrelevant. What you need to know is that he is a very big celebrity who publicly converted to following Christ a couple of years back (don’t quote me on time of conversion) What I know about him was that he was brought up to know God thanks to his mother who sadly passed away in the prime of his career. Being a big part of rap culture today, it was a shock to see him really give his art over to serving the Lord. His new Christian music and the Sunday Service Choir brought a lot of celebrities to Sunday service which was basically a praise and worship service that he put together. I remember reading an article that said he had held a concert and over a thousand attendees gave their lives to Christ that night! You can not deny that God was working through him. When he was doing all of this work for the kingdom he was met with apprehension from fellow Christians, he wasn’t trusted by Christians, they questioned his authenticity, some thinking he was just using it to make money and it was fake news. I did understand the doubt over whether he was being genuine but in the end I decided it was none of my business and I would leave the heart issue to God to judge, remembering Jesus when he said I would know His people by their fruit. Fast forward to present day, where Kanye is going through a messy public divorce with his equally famous wife. As a celebrity nothing is private as you know so its been sad to watch the mental decline of Kanye West on social media. His now ex wife is dating another public figure and Kanye who didn’t want to divorce in the first place is now using his art to incite violence towards the new guy. It’s all very messy like I said, but what makes it even more messy is that the Church is watching and judging and the the world is watching the Church!

Watching the critique from fellow brothers and sisters has been shocking! I have been really disappointed in the lack of grace shown, I expected that from the worldly not from Christians! What’s even more damaging is watching the rest of the world react to us Christians reacting to Kanye. Imagine when you first came to Christ, remember what the beginning of your journey was like, how easily you would fall from grace. Now imagine that whole journey being documented for the whole world to see! for everyone to have an opinion and have a say about who you are and the state of your heart for Christ even though they don’t know you! We have all been Kanye, but the difference is we had our privacy!

I know in the bible it says we should pull our brothers and sisters to the side for correction, and I know that is what some will think they are doing, but let me be the one to tell you that, that is not what you are doing. What I see is public judgment and condemnation. The very thing that used to turn me off from Religion. That is not how we win souls! To be a Christian means to be like Christ, so stop being a religious Pharisee! MATTHEW 7:1-5 “DO NOT JUDGE, OR YOU TOO WILL BE JUDGED. FOR IN THE SAME WAY YOU JUDGE OTHERS, YOU WILL BE JUDGED, AND WITH THE MEASURE YOU USE, IT WILL BE MEASURED TO YOU. WHY DO YOU LOOK AT THE SPECK OF SAWDUST IN YOUR BROTHERS EYE AND PAY NO ATTENTION TO THE PLANK IN YOUR OWN EYE? HOW CAN YOU SAY TO YOUR BROTHER, ‘LET ME TAKE THE SPECK OUT OF YOUR EYE’, WHEN ALL THE TIME THERE IS A PLANK IN YOUR OWN EYE? YOU HYPORCRITE, FIRST TAKE THE PLANK OUT OF YOUR OWN EYE, AND THEN YOU WILL SEE CLEARLY TO REMOVE THE SPECK FROM YOUR BROTHER’S EYE.” I know we are all familiar with the phrase “Only God can judge me” now you see where it was born. Usually people stop at the part of the scripture where it says do not judge, but that is what we call cherry picking, when you take scripture out of context to push forward your own agenda. When we Christians are wagging our fingers and turning our backs on our brothers and sisters lets remember this teaching. You will be judged with the same measure you use to judge the Kanye’s of the world, so before you start looking at the faults of others, look at yourself first. Are you faultless, are you without sin? We already know that as Christians the answer is NO! So when you are dishing out that judgement make sure you dish it with a side of grace. As you see from the scripture it doesn’t say we shouldn’t judge our brothers and sisters, but it says before we do anything, before we can bring correction, lets address the faults in our life first, so we can be a better help to our brothers and sisters. Our plank is much more serious than the speck of dust in our brothers eye!

We have to be careful not to cause harm to the body, the Church. God will use whoever He choses, even the unsaved to bring forth His Kingdom agenda. Remember Satan can not cast out Satan! We are all so weary of being led astray by false teachers, as we should be, but we are too quick to call everyone false, quick to cancel! Let’s remember that we are all human, and the struggle on this walk is the same for all, it just looks different for others. Satan knows what to use against us, and when we turn away from him and turn to Jesus, he hates it and sends everything our way to bring us back to him. We know what that was like in the beginning when we were weak, to be honest it something that never stops, it just gets easier to deal with as our faith increases! Leave the matters of the heart to God, no one can deceive our Father, He knows all, He see’s all! MATTHEW 7:22-23 “MANY WILL SAY TO ME ON THAT DAY ‘LORD, LORD, DID WE NOT PROPHESY IN YOUR NAME AND IN YOUR NAME DRIVE OUT DEMONS AND IN YOUR NAME PERFORM MIRACLES?’ THEN I WILL TELL THEM PLAINLY, ‘I NEVER KNEW YOU. AWAY FROM ME, YOU EVILDOERS!” Let’s remember to extend love to our struggling brothers and sisters, lets remember in the same way we struggle and our Father loves us and gives us grace lets do the same for the Kanye’s of the world. But most of all lets not forget Christians, THE WORLD IS WATCHING!

RECOGNISING YOUR IDOLS

During my walk with Christ, God has really been showing me how easy it is to fall into idol worship, even revealing areas in my life where I am on dangerous ground! I never really thought of idolatry outside of what examples you find in the bible, like creating your own God’s made of silver and gold, or wood to bow down to. Whether you worship a cow, or the moon and stars, anything outside of God is idolatry. So understanding that basis and knowing these are things I had never dabbled in, I always felt like this area wasn’t applicable to me and my walk. The first thing I had to do was understand what idolatry actually meant, when I considered the meaning I realised we are probably all guilty of having idols in our lives! Idolatry is simply worshipping something as if it was God, I saw something that said it is like thanking the gift instead of the gift giver which I thought was a good way to look at it. We are all guilty of it to some degree if we are honest with ourselves. Today we see it manifested in many different ways, I’ve seen people give thanks to some strange things, like once I spoke to a lady that said she gave thanks to the water before she consumed it, I was just as baffled as you! The funny thing is when you question these people they usually then talk about it being spiritual and a oneness with all things, which always sends me spiralling into further confusion. I remember before I came to Christ I was probably one of those spiritual, at one with all things type of people, I gave a lot of my thanks to the universe, mainly because I didn’t know any better. I didn’t know who God was, and out of the many God’s on selection I didn’t know which I subscribed to, so it felt right to just be vague with everything. Giving thanks and worshipping the universe was and is idolatry! God, who is the ultimate gift giver, who created all things including the universe is the one and ONLY we should give all thanks and praise to! It’s madness to give thanks to the gift and not the creator and giver of the gift, but that is exactly what we do when we call on the universe, water, mother nature, and the moon and stars. These examples are the obvious types of idol worship we see today, if we exercise wisdom we can easily avoid these as Christians, although I know some people who claim to be Christians who still worship the universe and give thanks without acknowledging God himself! DEUTERONOMY 17:3 “FOR INSTANCE, THEY MIGHT SERVE OTHER GODS OR WORSHIP THE SUN, THE MOON, OR ANY OF THE STARS- THE FORCES OF HEAVEN- WHICH I HAVE STRICTLY FORBIDDEN.”

So how do we recognise the idols in our lives? Well ask yourself this, what is the thing in your life that is so important to you, it means everything to you, you may neglect your responsibilities because of it, it may even take up so much of your time that your time spent with God diminishes, you basically could not do without it, IT WILL ALWAYS COME FIRST IN YOUR LIFE! Now that thing, it could even be a person, that could very well be your idol! EXODUS 20:3 “YOU SHALL HAVE NO OTHER GODS BEFORE ME.”

Asking yourself what is more important in situations that result in some kind of physical/tangible loss but gain you more on your spiritual walk with Jesus can be challenging. As much as the choice should always be Christ without hesitation, the reality is always much different. But choosing Christ in those moments is always what results in spiritual growth. A good example is money, we all need money to live, but how much is too much, and are we willing to lose money if it means gaining spiritual riches? My mum used to make her children her idols. As she is learning about God she is realising that He is the reason for everything, even the kids she was blessed with. My mum would always give thanks to me (I am the oldest) she would say without me she couldn’t do anything, and likened me to being her right hand. Now that is too much pressure for anyone to live up to! As I was coming to Christ and sharing with her, I started to correct her when she would say anything that took the thanks away from God. If she was so appreciative of the gift that she had been given (her children) then thank the reason for the gifts, God! We don’t thank the gift and not the gift giver. She understands now, and I think that it has made her appreciate God on another level because she knows that God gave her the kids she has for a reason, the personalities given to each of them were tailored for her, and that attention to detail that God always gives is what confirms His love for us! I know there are a lot of parents that would struggle if God asked them like He asked Abraham to return their gift back to sender. That is just it, if God says put me first and we say no, or but, or why, then we are guilty of placing our gifts in higher standing than God, and that is idolatry! There is a reason the bible talks about idolatry in the ways it does, and it’s because it is so easy for us to fall at that hurdle because it’s in our nature! Before we came to Christ we were idolaters, we put everything first before God, we put everything that is from our adversary before God! Look at the chosen people of the bible, God having recused them from the clutches of Egypt and walked with them, yet they still took any opportunity to place their faith in things seen, making their own God’s to worship! If they could do that, then who are we!?! We are not any better, because of time and culture, our idols may look a little different but the story remains the same. COLOSSIANS 3:5 “PUT TO DEATH, THEREFORE, WHATEVER BELONGS TO YOUR EARTHLY NATURE: SEXUAL IMMORALITY, IMPURITY, LUST, EVIL DESIRES AND GREED, WHICH IS IDOLATRY.”

Another part of idolatry we overlook is the religious idols we hold dear to us. Whether its a statue of Jesus for some, or the virgin Mary for others, the importance we place on these man made items can very well act in place of the God they are meant to represent. God is Spirit, not a carved statue, or a gold trinket! Even though these items are meant well, if we start holding on to them like a good luck charm, or bowing down to them in expectance when we pray, we are no better than the Israelites of Exodus! LEVITICUS 26:1 “DO NOT MAKE IDOLS OR SET UP AN IMAGE OR A SACRED STONE FOR YOURSELVES, AND DO NOT PLACE A CARVED STONE IN YOUR LAND TO BOW DOWN BEFORE IT. I AM THE LORD YOUR GOD.”

Trusting in what we can not see is hard, it’s easier to place our eyes on something and focus on that one thing, placing our hopes on it. When we have faith, we are placing our hopes on what we can not see, focusing on and trusting in God. We are all tested at points in our lives, my test right now is a financial one. As God changes me, all the things I used to be at peace with now trouble me. My job has been a blessing for many years, God truly has helped me to be independent and be in a position to support my family, but as I have found Christ I feel the direction of my life changing which is unsettling at almost 40! I now don’t see myself doing this job until retirement as I did before, which is quite unnerving because a lot of the plans for my future depended on the salary my job provides. The thing about God is that sometimes He puts you in places for a specific season of your life, but you become so comfortable there you don’t want to go, you become so accustomed to a lifestyle that you find reasons to prolong that stay because your earthly desires take over, and you forget the whole reason God placed you in that season, the audacity of it all! But like the saying goes “God giveth, God taketh away!” I remember in Philippians, where Paul talked about being content in every situation, that always made me think about what made me content. It was then I realised maybe my salary was something that made me more content than it should. Was I trusting in my salary more than I was trusting in God? Was my salary becoming my idol? If God was calling me out of that pay bracket could I still be content? We all know God can bring financial blessings to our lives, but so can the enemy! Not everything good is from God, especially if it gets in the way of doing kingdom work, or spending time with Him. My job is great and I am not complaining but I have started to recognise that as I grow in my faith, my desire to do more kingdom work is growing just as fast. I believe God is highlighting to me that whatever plan He has for my life will not include my current position or salary as my job is just not flexible enough. God didn’t give me this job for it to keep me away from my calling, whatever He blesses me with will compliment it! It’s as simple as that. Now I am not saying that I am gonna quit my job tomorrow, these things call for constant prayer and wisdom, but He is showing me that whatever I had planned for my life, His plan is much better!

So I guess this is just a polite friendly warning to keep a check on the things in your life that have slowly pulled you away from God. The enemy is so crafty, he creates these distractions that seem so innocent to begin with, or he puts you in situations that seem like a blessing at the start, but it is for us to exercise wisdom and discover the schemes of the devil. The best thing to do is to stay focused on what awaits you in your Fathers kingdom, everything on earth will return to dust in the end. What good are riches on earth if we can’t take them with us when we meet Jesus in the sky?! Trust that God will give you all that you need here on earth, whether it’s plenty or just enough, trust that God knows what He is doing and will provide you with what you need when you need it, Just like Moses leading the Israelites into the wilderness with nothing, God provided for them for 40 years! They had what they needed at the time and it was just enough! Trust that God will not lead you out into the wilderness without covering you. Sometimes we all need to journey through the wilderness to get to the promise land.

HOW DO YOU MEASURE YOUR GROWTH?

What is growth? What does it mean to you on your Christian walk? The world always talks about the importance of growth and evolving, but as a Christian what does that look like? For me every few months something seems to happen in my life that highlights an area where I noticeably see the growth, this is usually a change of attitude, or response to something that a time like before would have affected me negatively. On the flip side there are moments when I have to say to myself “Cerise, you need to do better!” I love those moments, the moments when I know I need to do better, I stay thankful that the Holy Spirit convicts me! The moment I stop seeing my short comings is the moment that I stop growing, I stop changing for the better! Growth promotes change. Like the saying goes, if you know better, you do better!

Whether you have been a Christian for 30 years, 5 years, or 2 months, the time frame isn’t an indicator of your growth. I have seen more growth in someone who has been a Christian for 1 year compared to a Christian saved for the last 20 years! True growth comes from application of the Word! I know we all know the saying knowledge is power, but knowledge is only power with application! That’s the problem with some of our brothers and sisters, we need to start practicing what we preach. A lot of us know Gods Word, we read our bibles, we can quote scripture when need be, but a lot of us do not apply what we know to our daily lives, so we don’t allow the Word to change us fully. The other side of the coin is that we don’t read our bibles enough to even know what God expects from us, so how can we grow on our walks, how can we change? It’s funny how a start to a new year always brings up the topic of change and becoming a new you, we are all in a season of reflection. I have a lot of work to do myself, I am humble enough to admit my short comings, there is a lot of work God is doing in me, but He has done so much already! Sometimes we can get caught up with life and miss all the little things that God does in us, sometimes we even miss the big things! We go so long without noticing the changes that sometimes we even think God isn’t even working or doing anything in our lives! If this is you, this post is God’s way of telling you to stop and take stock of where you are now and where you started from!

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Another factor when it comes to our growth that we have to consider is our RELATIONSHIP. Our walk depends on our relationship with God, the closer we are to God, the more successful our walk in faith becomes! We have a relational God, He requires us whole heartily. This is why church is also important when it comes to our growth, if your church is not assisting you in your walk with Christ, maybe it’s time to start asking God to draw you to a community where they hold you accountable as a Christian, and I am not just talking about your Pastor!

The reason why the topic of growth came up for me this week was because of a conversation I had with my mum. As you know from my previous post I’ve spoken about my mum and her journey of faith, as she fully came to Christ last year. We have been consistently doing bible study together, as that is how we grow, when we read the word of God and allow it to change us. Merely reading the bible is not enough, we can all read through the bible and comprehend the stories, but to truly understand and gain wisdom from God’s word we must STUDY it, stripping away verse by verse, and allowing God to use something written over 2000 years ago to guide us today. ROMANS 15:4 “FOR EVERYTHING THAT WAS WRITTEN IN THE PAST WAS WRITTEN TO TEACH US, SO THAT THROUGH THE ENDURANCE TAUGHT IN THE SCRIPTURES AND THE ENCOURAGEMENT THEY PROVIDE WE MIGHT HAVE HOPE.” So anyone who thinks the bible isn’t relevant because it was written so long ago, I challenge you to pick up your bible today!

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I know my mum struggles with her salvation, and understanding how God works in her life, but as we have been learning about the Character of God through reading His word, her understanding of how God works has been made clear to her, thank you Holy Spirit! She can now see the changes that have occurred in her life, she can see what God has been doing and continues to do for her. My mum loved to drink alcohol, she had such a taste for it that she consumed great amounts not even realising that she would lose all control in the process. She now can not remember when she last drank to that degree, she no longer desires the taste of it, and it now tastes bad in her mouth. It was through her reflection on what God was doing in her life that she even noticed that she had changed so drastically! She was spending a lot of time thinking that God was not doing anything, feeling like she was not being affected, like there was no growth because what she measured as an acceptable level of growth she was not meeting! But God does things in His own perfect way, in His own perfect time! Sometimes it’s tempting to look at others and judge our growth by comparing our walks with one another, but everyone’s journey will look different, don’t let the spirit of comparison steal your joy!

1 PETER 2:2-3 “LIKE NEWBORN BABIES, CRAVE PURE SPIRITUAL MILK, SO THAT BY IT YOU MAY GROW UP IN YOUR SALVATION, NOW THAT YOU HAVE TASTED THAT THE LORD IS GOOD.” Our spiritual milk is the word of God! The word helps us grow, it strengthens us! How can we experience growth in our walks if we are not consuming our spiritual sustenance? Just like babies are fed daily, so must we if we want to grow up to be strong in faith and experience healthy growth in our walks. Like I said before, it doesn’t matter how long you have been a Christian for, what matters is your growth! I had someone tell me the other day that I wasn’t a Christian long enough to tell them anything in regards to the bible, as they had grown up in the church etc. The interesting thing about that particular conversation I had, I wasn’t trying to school anyone and be a know it all, or seem arrogant, all I did was tell them what I felt God was doing for me and my journey, and also what God was teaching me! But they felt like I was calling them out on what they knew! Now in this case I know the enemy was working within them, they might have been brought up as a Christian, so that was their core belief, but they did not live as a Christian. They had long since fallen away, but instead of repenting or humbling themselves, they decided to let their prideful spirit take control of the conversation. This person might have been a Christian longer than me indeed, they might be more familiar with the bible, but there was no growth! They hadn’t let the Word mature them, I don’t even think they truly understood the Word the way God intended! reciting a story from the bible is one thing, but gaining wisdom from it is something entirely different.

This walk of faith is not a race but a journey! Do not expect quick results, do not expect the same experiences as others! Take your time, soak yourself in God’s Word! Let God do what He does! Trust in Him and give Him thanks for all the small things He does in your life, all while He takes care of the bigger things that have not yet manifested! Don’t let anyone belittle your growth, no matter how seasoned of a Christian they may be! A Christian who feels unteachable is a red flag alert! We can all learn from each other. Don’t worry about the speed of your growth, as long as you experience some measure of growth. God will do the rest as long as you take a step! We can not be drinking milk forever, we must move on to solid food at some point. If you have been a Christian for 30 years or 20 years or 10 years, this is a growth check for you. If you feel like your growth has been stunted, then pick up your bible and read that book for the 50th time, God will speak to you and show you something new!

Every so often we need a reminder that we need to be on fire for God. When you first become a Christian your zeal for the Lord is through the roof! But as time goes on and life takes over, the fire burns out and we slow down, we don’t pick up our bible as much as we should and we forget the power of His Word, we forget that God uses His Word to speak to us! We stop growing, we become content in our knowledge and stop seeking for more. God always has more to give, as long as you thirst for it He will give it to you in abundance. ISAIAH 40:8 “THE GRASS WITHERS AND THE FLOWERS FALL, BUT THE WORD OF OUR GOD ENDURES FOREVER.” There are a lot of “read the bible in a year” bible study guides around right now, even if you have done bible studies in the past, there is always something new to discover, something you might have missed before, something God wants to reveal to you now! Buy yourself a commentary to help you understand the bible if you are not able to join any bible study groups. Use bible apps like “YouVersion” which is free and has so much material to help including daily devotionals you can do alone or with a friend! God is constantly providing ways to reach us in this ever changing world we live in, we have no excuse for why we can not use all that God has to offer! Growth is not just for new Christians, growth is for all! So let’s make 2022 a year of growth.

CHRISTIANS AND THE OCCULT

First let me start of by saying HAPPY NEW YEAR! We made it, we survived 2021! Its been a trying couple of years, so please be kind to yourselves if you feel like life is not what you planned it to be right now, you are surviving through a pandemic, it’s OK! This Christmas was beautiful, lets always keep in mind the reason for the season, but being with family when the previous year we were all kept apart gave me a new appreciation for my loved ones. I am normally the girl who enjoys spending Christmas alone, so being able to spend it this year with my family was such a blessing! Now that all the festivities are over, it’s time to concentrate on what 2022 has in store!

This first post of the year is a little different, a topic I didn’t think would come up on this blog, at least not so soon, but God always has other plans and His plans are always best! I spent a little time on my karaoke app “smule”(I spoke of this in my first post) before 2021 ended, singing and catching up with my friends all over the globe, this happens in a “live” setting so it’s very interactive, and you never know who will wonder into your live! A lady I had never met came in to my live, we will call her “Amy”. So Amy joined me on the mic and we sang a couple of songs in between a lot of chatting. The thing about me is that I will sing and get along with any and everybody, I am very easy going and that usually promotes an environment where people tend to overshare or just be really honest without fear of judgement. One thing that I first noticed about Amy was that she cussed a lot, that is not particularly abnormal, as most I find do, I mean I used to a lot! So being that not everyone shares the same values as myself, I come to expect it when I go on these kind of apps. Amy however was cussing out her 4 year old using explicit language while live, that was one thing I noted. Let me just clarify, I noted not to be judgmental, but it told me that we might not share the same beliefs and values so that would help me navigate my interaction. The thing about being a Christian is that God expects us to navigate ourselves in this fallen world in a way that we stay true to Him at all times! We are not meant to hide ourselves like a light hidden under a basket, we are called to be a light in a sea of darkness! We can’t be people pleasers, but pleasers of God! So that usually means going against the majority, and maybe not being so popular, because we might be seen as boring, but if boring means you don’t conform and compromise yourself then be the best boring you can be!

Back to Amy. During our conversations she kept mentioning that she was spiritual, and that she had ascended to a higher level of spiritual awareness. I am listening to her intently at this point, trying to work out what it all meant to her to be spiritual. I notice when people use the wording “spiritual” it sometimes means that they don’t normally subscribe to any religion, but they acknowledge a higher power of some sorts, whether its the universe or mother nature. As she was talking she started to talk about cards, at this point I stopped to ask if she was referring to tarot cards, which she confirmed to be the case. She then continued, talking about how the cards were very helpful and that people misunderstood them. She said that the cards were “calling” to her to do a reading for me! Now I am no stranger to tarot cards, before I found Christ, I had visited tarot card readers in my time, we all have a curiosity to take a glimpse into our futures, or gain some deeper revelation on a situation or a person, I understand the appeal. But when you become enlightened by truth revealed in God’s word by our helper the Holy Spirit, you learn about these things that we are prohibited as Christians not to entertain! Now the Bible doesn’t mention “tarot cards” by name, but talks about divination, which is part of the occult, and tarot cards fall under that heading! It was at this point that I politely declined, and told her that I was a devout Christian, Jesus was my Lord and Saviour and that tarot cards were demonic!

The conversation got real interesting at this point as this was when she revealed herself to be a Christian! Now you can imagine my surprise to hear this, looking back at our conversation up until this point nothing she said or did told me she was a follower of Christ! She believed that as a Christian, you can use different means to reach a level of spiritual awareness, she saw these things as tools which she truly believed that God used to give revelation! She then told me how her year had been very hard for her, full of tests, God had been testing her all year and she had finally passed and come out the other side with extra abilities (now I never even asked about these abilities) she then said her biggest test had been her being told to sacrifice her 4 year old!!! If you are a Christian reading this, if you are anyone reading this, alarm bells should be going off in your head right now! Of course I was like “excuse me, what!?!” I asked her who had told her to sacrifice her child, and she told me she had been told in a dream at first and then told through a particular deck of tarot cards! She believed that God had told her to sacrifice her child as a test, and because she didn’t, she passed God’s test, and as a reward she received a random free month of rent! I told her that God was not the power behind that test, and God wouldn’t ask you to sacrifice your child! She then told me I was wrong and used a well known story in the Old Testament of when God tested Abraham to see if he would sacrifice his only son Isaac! (GENESIS 22:1-9) This is a classic case of someone misinterpreting and not understanding scripture, it’s easy to read scripture, but to read scripture without true understanding is damaging! Amy was very adamant in telling me that she knew all there was to know in regards to the Bible, she was well versed and almost couldn’t be told anything new! A red flag is a Christian that feels unteachable when it comes to the word! As Christians we are to remain humble like children, always ready to learn! Amy might have read through the bible, she may have remembered all the stories of the Bible, but it was clear to me that she hadn’t studied the bible to truly understand and gain wisdom.

Now I don’t pretend to know everything in relation to God’s word as I am still learning myself! But I knew enough, I understood enough to tell her that the story of Abraham and Isaac wasn’t applicable to her situation because we have JESUS! Jesus was the ultimate sacrifice, the lamb slain for our sins! The death and rise of Jesus Christ meant that we didn’t have to give offerings, like the Israelites of the Old testament anymore because we were given the gift of Grace from God when we believed in our Lord and Saviour! There was a pause from Amy at this point, I could feel her mulling that over in her head. Something made sense to her, because her story then changed from God testing her to Satan being the one testing her, she became a little defensive, so in order not to lose her, I took a step back and tried to change the intensity of the conversation by stating that everybody had their own journey’s to make when it came to the Holy Spirit revealing truth and bringing conviction to a persons soul. My conviction was that the occult was not for me! Shortly after that we got disconnected and I never saw Amy again that night! DEUTERONOMY 18:9-12 “WHEN YOU ENTER THE LAND THE LORD YOUR GOD IS GIVING YOU, DO NOT LEARN TO IMITATE THE DETESTABLE WAYS OF THE NATIONS THERE. LET NO ONE BE FOUND AMONG YOU WHO SACRIFICES THEIR SON OR DAUGHTER IN THE FIRE, WHO PRACTICES DIVINATION OR SORCERY, INTERPRETS OMENS, ENGAGES IN WITCHCRAFT, OR CASTS SPELLS, OR WHO IS A MEDIUM OR SPIRITIST OR WHO CONSULTS THE DEAD. ANYONE WHO DOES THESE THINGS IS DETESTABLE TO THE LORD; BECAUSE OF THESE SAME DETESTABLE PRACTICES THE LORD YOUR GOD WILL DRIVE OUT THOSE NATIONS BEFORE YOU.”

In the days of Moses, the Israelites were fascinated with things of the occult, they often looked for other sources outside of God’s provision, kind of what people still do to this day! God was very clear to them about doing such things, to God these things were detestable! They are still detestable to God to this day! Why? Because when we seek these other avenues to find some kind of enlightenment, we are no longer going to God, we are no longer trusting God with our futures. When we are not seeking God’s provision then we are seeking satan, it’s as simple as that, because what is not of God is of satan! Remember we are in a spiritual war, these things are not to be taken lightly and played with! If you keep seeking and knocking on these doors, you best be ready to receive whatever is behind them! You play with fire you will get burned! What starts of as innocent curiosity, can turn very dark and sinister very quickly, before you know it, you are dealing with demonic spirits posing as familiar spirits, whether its a deceased love one, or casper the friendly ghost, they are not of God! The devil is a liar, Amy is proof of that, the devil has tricked her into thinking that this “spiritual awakening” she is experiencing is from God! That’s the thing about our adversary, since the beginning of man he has always tried to make us question God’s provision, always tried to convince us to live independent of God! Using tarot cards is just another way he does that!

We should always seek revelation from God in prayer or in His word, even God uses other people to convey his messages, not to mention prophetic dreams! We shouldn’t be using trinkets and tools that are commonly used by people of the occult and fool ourselves into thinking that its ok to use these things to gain spiritual enlightenment from God. I notice that when life gets tough and we don’t feel God’s presence for whatever reason, our lack of faith in that moment can cause us to want to find answers elsewhere. I kind of believe that’s what led Amy, who is a Christian down the path that she is on! ISAIAH 8:19 “WHEN SOMEONE TELLS YOU TO CONSULT MEDIUMS AND SPIRITISTS, WHO WHISPER AND MUTTER, SHOULD NOT A PEOPLE INQUIRE OF THEIR GOD? WHY CONSULT THE DEAD ON BEHALF OF THE LIVING?” We should be consulting God for all things, not some pack of cards. We have to start trusting God in the quiet times, and understand that God is always working even when we can not see it straight away! Have patience and know that you will see the “light” on the other side, even if things seem bleak and unfixable. There is nothing our Lord can not change! He is a promise keeper, He is faithful, He is full of grace and mercy, and He loves you! One of my favourite Proverbs is this, “Trust the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on you own understanding” (Proverbs 3:5) God knew in his infinite wisdom that we might experience some times when we might not understand Gods perfect way, we would doubt His perfect will, that is why He tells us to trust in Him, even when we want to make sense of things in our own way, He tells us not to lean into our own understanding!

Maybe one day Amy might come across this blog, maybe she won’t, maybe someone else like Amy will! I hope that this post makes them turn away from these things, or at least stirs something inside that convicts them that this is not the right way! Please use wisdom my brothers and sisters, it’s a slippery slope to opening doors to uninvited guests. Read your word, for everything! Trust in the Holy Spirit! There are many mysteries to our father, the Bible doesn’t reveal everything, but enough to know we can place our trust in Him! This is why he requires us to be in relationship with Him, true relationship promotes trust, if there is a lack of trust, draw closer to Him, spend more time getting to know Him! He will reveal so much to you. MATTHEW 7:7 “ASK AND IT WILL BE GIVEN TO YOU; SEEK AND YOU WILL FIND; KNOCK AND THE DOOR WILL BE OPENED TO YOU.”

NAVIGATING OLD FRIENDSHIPS WHEN YOU ARE A NEW CREATION

This is a sensitive topic for me, and I pray that the Holy Spirit will guide my words on this. The dynamic of friendships differ for most people, maybe you are a person who is never lacking in that department, or maybe you’re a person that struggles in making long lasting connections. I remember my mum would always tell me how I was lucky when it came to my friendships, I always managed to find true connections, where her experience was much different to mine, even now in her late 50’s she still struggles! I have never taken my friendships for granted. I have kept a small tight circle of friends who have known me for over 10 plus years. That’s a lot of trust I have built up over time, and if you are like me, an introvert, I struggle with letting people “in” (because of the lack of trust on my part). I always went through life expecting disappointment so my expectations were always low, I know that’s not the best way to go into relationships but it was how I protected myself, the wall I built kept me safe! This system of mine had never let me down, and I had the friends to prove it!

So the moto for most of my 30’s had been “no new friends!” (thanks to Drake lol) If it ain’t broke don’t fix it! I’ve relied heavily on my friendships, they have meant everything to me. This group of special people has seen me transition from girl to woman, they have literally been in the trenches of life with me and have seen my worst and greatest moments. They have always been the ones I cry to or want to share with, the ones I had so much in common with, they knew me and I them! So what happens when you suddenly have this experience that has changed the fabric of your being, and the friends you want to share with, the friends that always GET you, suddenly feel so distant, for the first time in years you feel misunderstood! That was literally my experience when I first came to Christ! In ways if I am completely honest it still is at times, I just deal with it differently now.

2 CORINTHIANS 5:17 “THIS MEANS THAT ANYONE WHO BELONGS TO CHRIST HAS BECOME A NEW PERSON. THE OLD LIFE IS GONE; A NEW LIFE HAS BEGUN!” This was hard for me to accept at first “the old life is gone” I don’t think I really understood what that meant! Here I was clinging on to the old me, and what the old me meant to the dynamics of my friendships! I was having an identity crisis. I was still trying to be CERISE, but the old Cerise others had grown used to, not the new Cerise who’s identity is now in Christ and not her friendships! The funny thing was I hadn’t even realised I had assumed an identity in my friendship circles, it was coming to Christ that revealed how deep that rabbit hole went. Nothing is more unsettling than feeling displaced, not knowing were I fit in really messed with my mind. I can’t explain it, but I felt self conscious about how my friends were viewing me, whether they consciously were aware of anything, I FELT that they were treating me differently because of my faith. It sounds bizarre I am sure, and really I know that a lot of that was coming from me, but I couldn’t help but start to feel like an outsider!

I know when I first told my friends about my new found faith, it was met with mixed reactions. No one could understand the reason for this change, they assumed I was on this journey for the attention of a guy! I was deeply offended by that assumption, although looking back I could see why they might have come to that conclusion. I was offended because I thought they knew me better than that, and me changing in such an extreme way for the attention of a man had never been my style! The strange thing was that through all the years of our friendship we had never really discussed religion, to be honest I had no idea of what my friends believed! Religion is like talking about politics, you don’t know who supports what out here! Because we never had these conversations I guess its fair to say that they never knew the stirrings in my heart to know who God was. God wasn’t a priority to me back then, so it didn’t matter that we didn’t have those kind of conversations, I guess its evidence that me and my friends kind of saw ourselves as the masters of our own universe.

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I was the girl drinking the most at the party, handling my drink like the best of the men. I was the cocktail maker, or as I preferred to be called, the mixologist! I got the people pumped up, the vibologist (new word alert lol) I was the one that had to be funny, crude and rude! I was the one who had all the bad date stories that kept people entertained, the one who shared all the weird sexual encounters. I was THAT girl in my social circles! So going from that to THIS was a shock for all. I still wanted to be the “FUN” friend. I didn’t want to be so different that my friends stopped viewing me as THAT girl, I felt safe as THAT girl, I was familiar and comfortable in that identity. The pandemic couldn’t have happened at a better time for me, I really needed that break away from the norm, the distance from my social gatherings! This helped the Word take root in me, I had less things to distract me, I had nowhere to be but alone with God! JAMES 1:22 “BUT DON’T JUST LISTEN TO GOD’S WORD. YOU MUST DO WHAT IT SAYS. OTHERWISE, YOU ARE ONLY FOOLING YOURSELVES.” I can easily say that the pandemic allowed me to be a doer of God’s Word! I spent most of 2020 buried in my Bible, I was taking a lot in. So by the time the world started to open up a little, the social gatherings started again, and now I felt this pressure to revert back to the old me again. I was so worried about pleasing people and making everyone feel comfortable around me, I was really torn between even attending events at times! I hated having to explain my reasoning for not being the old Cerise, simple questioning felt like I was being attacked, I felt like I had to be on the defence all the time, so it almost felt easier to just assume my old position! I realise now that my friends just didn’t get it, they were not on the same path as me, they genuinely wanted to know! So for the first time in our years of friendship, we stopped finding common ground.

In the book of Acts it says all who believed had all things in common, and it’s more than just sharing the same love for food, or music, or style of dress! Our core moral beliefs make up a big part of us! We can usually all agree on murder being wrong, stealing, things of that nature, but when we dig deeper and go through our beliefs with a fine toothed comb this is where the major differences start to appear. This is when I realised I stopped having as much in common with my friends anymore. It’s a strange feeling, because once upon a time we pretty much agreed on every single issue! Having conversations was like a gauntlet, I could easily get swept up into it all, showing up as the old me! Even now, I have to be mindful of my words because its so easy to fall back in to old habits.

What changed things for me, and what helps me navigate these relationships to this day was realising that I was no longer living for the approval of this world, or my friends. I seek God’s approval first! He has to always be first! No compromise. I had to accept the new me! I had to look at the old me, and see the broken girl, bound by strongholds, always looking for validation from the wrong people, the sad girl who hid behind her smile, who didn’t have purpose or know her identity or her worth! Once I admitted that was who I was, I was able to bury her and be reborn in Christ! It was then I stopped feeling like I was missing out on things, because truth is I am not! Those things that used to pull me in before no longer call my name, and the reason is because I had to spiritually build myself up, the desires fell away when I armed myself spiritually! Don’t forget we are in a spiritual war, sometimes we forget about the unseen realm, but it is real! When we come to Christ, we have to remember that we were living under the influence of the enemy, for he is the spirit in the hearts of those who refuse to obey God. To really be free of his power we have to build ourselves up in the spirit, by reading God’s word and applying it. Usually in the early days of our walk we don’t consume enough food for the spirit so we find it so difficult to deny our flesh. We need to understand that to deny our flesh is to be obedient to God!

I still love my friends, I still cherish them! I just live for God now, something I never did before! Sometimes I have the fear of being reminded of who I used to be, I don’t want to be in a situation where someone calls my past behaviours out. But I realise that’s a fear I don’t need to have, everything that happens is to give God the glory! Yes I might of used to be THAT girl, but now I am just a testimony of Gods enduring love! Hallelujah! As much as I love my friends I know that things are always going to be a little different as we walk different paths in life! But I know that God will use me to plant seeds, I don’t need to be one of those Christians trying to evangelize everyone that comes into my path, not in a way that alienates them. I know that my new life is meant to show and glorify Christ, His light that lives in me is meant to allure them to want to know more. MATTHEW 5:14-16 “YOU ARE THE LIGHT OF THE WORLD-LIKE A CITY ON A HILLTOP THAT CANNOT BE HIDDEN. NO ONE LIGHTS A LAMP AND THEN PUTS IT UNDER A BASKET. INSTEAD, A LAMP IS PLACED ON A STAND, WHERE IT GIVES LIGHT TO EVERYONE IN THE HOUSE. IN THE SAME WAY, LET YOUR GOOD DEEDS SHINE OUT FOR ALL TO SEE, SO THAT EVERYONE WILL PRAISE YOUR HEAVENLY FATHER.” I pray that my light shines for my friends to see. I pray that they will feel the call and answer the way I did! But whatever their journey may be, because its a different journey for all of us, I hope they know that even though they might not share my zeal or beliefs the fact that they never stopped being there for me, even when they didn’t understand me the same, I will always be grateful that they tried and loved me anyway! I guess this post is a reminder to love your neighbour as yourself, even if they are non believers! Christians are too quick to turn their backs on non Christians (well some, not all) and it’s left a bad taste in the mouth of others! Remember to always ask yourself this “what would Jesus do?!”

DO YOU UNDERSTAND GOD’S LOVE FOR YOU?

This week I had a deeper revelation of God’s love for me that absolutely wrecked me and brought me to tears! Of course when you become a follower of Christ, you are told about how much God loves you because He sacrificed His one and only Son for us, I mean who out here would sacrifice like that for you out of love? We might go a step further and call someone crazy for doing such a thing! But really anyone who has a loving, nurturing parent knows that without hesitation they would give their life for their child! Well we have the ultimate parent who did just that for each and everyone of us! So yes I grasped that notion that God loves us, but to be honest its been a concept that has been floating on the surface, mainly because I think I have issues with accepting true unconditional love, deep I know, but the Holy Spirit is revealing so much I didn’t know was there! I am reading the Bible and getting free therapy sessions from my counsellor! I am being refined, really made a new and it is a long process but I know it is so necessary to my walk. Sometimes we don’t even know how much we have hidden until we truly dig deep within ourselves! I can’t say I would ever truly fathom how deep God’s love runs for us but something hit me while studying the Book of Ephesians this week.

I think its fair to say I was left truly humbled and feeling unworthy, a feeling I don’t think I truly comprehended before! Please do not mistake me for being arrogant before God, never have and never will! I always humble myself, WE must ALL humble ourselves before God! But something clicked today about how God SEE’S me that took me to another level of humble. I realised that the disconnect came from how I view myself! I realised that I don’t see myself through God’s eyes, the vision I have is flawed, this is why the idea of God’s unconditional love for me wasn’t really penetrating the way it should! I really couldn’t comprehend it for myself. It’s funny because I will be the first to tell YOU God loves you with conviction, but I noticed that I was skimming past the notion when it came to myself! This revealed to me I have a heart issue, well I should say the Holy Spirit revealed to me that I had an issue with the posture of my heart. We have a God who is a searcher of hearts and minds, so if something is not right trust and believe He will show you. The great thing about all of this is that I would of been still unaware of this issue if I hadn’t of picked up my Bible! This is why I will always say PLEASE READ YOUR BIBLES! If you want to experience true change, growth and Knowledge, it will come from God’s word, the source! The revelation for me was “maybe I don’t love myself the way I should?” I know we have all heard that saying ” if we can’t love ourselves how can we love anyone else!?” or something to that same affect. There is a definite truth to that I believe, because if I was made in the image and likeness of God but somehow have a problem with myself, it made me think how that had to have a knock on effect with how I receive God’s love!?! When we truly receive or understand why God loves us and how much He loves us, we experience a change within, and our hearts are bursting with joy! It promotes a change in our spirits and now our eyes and hearts are focused on Jesus, and what we focus on is what we emulate! So it’s fair to say we start to become more consecrated and Holy!

Now I know that feelings of unworthiness is advised to keep you humble, even the Apostle Paul refers to himself as undeserving! EPHESIANS 3:8 “ALTHOUGH I AM LESS THAN THE LEAST OF ALL THE LORD’S PEOPLE, THIS GRACE WAS GIVEN TO ME: TO PREACH TO THE GENTILES THE BOUNDLESS RICHES OF CHRIST” But even in his unworthiness and his acknowledgment of it, he doesn’t let it cripple him from doing what God has tasked him to do, he seems to accept God’s love, God’s grace, and get straight to business sharing the Good News, seeing his position as a privilege to serve! The problem with me or with us as a body of believers is that we can sometimes let that unworthiness stop us from doing what we have been called to do! Sometimes we can have trust issues that run deep from dealing with the disappointment of people. We become so jaded by this world we live in, when someone does anything for us we become suspicious, asking “why?” instead of just accepting a good deed with gratitude and moving on! This world has sold us a lie on love. When you think about it, it’s not surprising being that satan rules down here, and he is ALWAYS going to give us a perverted version of God’s way. Down here people do things for others disguised as love, but wait with expectation for you to reciprocate, because if you don’t then they get to remind you off all the things they did for you, and the things you don’t do is how they measure love. Down here love is love, meaning we all get to do whatever we like and nobody can tell you otherwise because that is not deemed as loving! (let me not get too carried away there!) But God say’s to us ” I love you despite of yourself, I love you because I made you, I love you even though you do not get it right all the time” and most importantly we can not skim by this “This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him.” 1 John 4:9.

So the part that took my breath away in the book of Ephesians, and mind you I have yet to properly finish it, even though it is a short book there is so much to edify the spirit, I am going through it with a fine toothed comb! Earlier I mentioned how God saw me, and how it was different to how I saw myself. Well it’s Paul revealing the mysteries of God’s plan through Christ that humbled me. Let me see if I can break it down for you.

YOU are IMPORTANT! Let me start of there. You might look at your life now, and not feel much optimism about where or what this life has to offer you, but let me help you understand the way it clicked for me. Before God created the world He had a plan for YOU! He loved you so much He chose you, because He knew you already! Take a moment and let that set in…. Now His plan for you was to be Holy (EPHESIANS 1:4), and the Hebrew word for Holy means to be set apart! But set apart from what? Well if this was his plan before the world was created the only thing I could see was that He set us apart from the Angels, as that seemed to be the story less talked about when we think of the fall of satan which we know happened before God created the earth! Now stay with me here because it was reading further that solidified that idea for me! Because of man’s fall from grace with Adam and Eve, we were spiritually dead because it has become our nature to live in disobedience to God, we live to follow the desires of our flesh, doing what “feels” right at the whim of our sinful nature! EPHESIANS 2:2 “YOU USED TO LIVE IN SIN, JUST LIKE THE REST OF THE WORLD, OBEYING THE DEVIL-THE COMMANDER OF THE POWERS OF THE UNSEEN WORLD. HE IS THE SPIRIT AT WORK IN THE HEARTS OF THOSE WHO REFUSE TO OBEY GOD.” Imagine living under the wrath of God because of our disobedience! And even though we lived this way God still planned a way for us to be reconciled to Him! That is love, a love I will never fully realise, because usually when people do me wrong consistently my response isn’t to find a way to reconcile. But God being so full of grace saved you through Christ! He purchased your freedom with the blood of his only Son, because He knew that was the only way you could draw close to Him, the only way your sin’s could be forgiven so you could have eternal life and gain a seat with Him in the heavenly place through Christ! Because of your belief in Christ, you are saved by the grace of God which is a gift, and this has nothing to do with all the good you have done, so that you can not boast! (EPHESIANS 2:8-9)

So as unworthy as we may be, God still wants to redeem us! So even now as believers in Christ, when we let that feeling of unworthiness start to cripple us, its this knowledge of God’s love for us that should have us back on task like Paul! EPHESIANS 3:10 “GOD’S PURPOSE IN ALL THIS WAS TO USE THE CHURCH TO DISPLAY HIS WISDOM IN IT’S RICH VARIETY TO ALL THE UNSEEN RULERS AND AUTHORITIES IN THE HEAVENLY PLACES.” Remember when I talked about being set apart from the angels? Well this was the verse that solidified it for me! Doesn’t that blow your mind, or is it just me? When you believed in Christ you became part of one body (the church) You received the helper, the Holy Spirit, who was sent to lead you, blessing you with all the gifts of the spirit which come from the heavenly places, this is the sign that you have been purchased through the blood of Christ and a sign you will receive your inheritance that was promised from God! You gain God’s wisdom and it is shown through all the good things you do which He planned from long ago! And all this wisdom you show is just to display the multi faceted God you serve! And like a body we all have different functions, and your function may not look like your neighbours, your function may even seem minute, but its not because nothing about God is minute and nothing about God is unimportant! And all of this is to show these unseen rulers and authorities in heaven the richness that is God because they would never know this about their creator without YOU! I swear I had never looked at it like this before! This is the fun part of being a new believer, it’s learning all these things that let me know the character of my Father, it’s the deeper understanding of all that Jesus Christ has done for me!

I am gonna end with Paul and his prayer for the people of Ephesus, a prayer for spiritual growth for us all! I pray that you who reads this, God will empower you with inner strength, I pray that Christ will truly make a home in your heart, so that your faith will keep you grounded in his peace so that you will experience his love for you “And may you have the power to understand, as all God’s people should, how wide, how long, how high, and how deep his love is.” Ephesians 3:18