This is a sensitive topic for me, and I pray that the Holy Spirit will guide my words on this. The dynamic of friendships differ for most people, maybe you are a person who is never lacking in that department, or maybe you’re a person that struggles in making long lasting connections. I remember my mum would always tell me how I was lucky when it came to my friendships, I always managed to find true connections, where her experience was much different to mine, even now in her late 50’s she still struggles! I have never taken my friendships for granted. I have kept a small tight circle of friends who have known me for over 10 plus years. That’s a lot of trust I have built up over time, and if you are like me, an introvert, I struggle with letting people “in” (because of the lack of trust on my part). I always went through life expecting disappointment so my expectations were always low, I know that’s not the best way to go into relationships but it was how I protected myself, the wall I built kept me safe! This system of mine had never let me down, and I had the friends to prove it!
So the moto for most of my 30’s had been “no new friends!” (thanks to Drake lol) If it ain’t broke don’t fix it! I’ve relied heavily on my friendships, they have meant everything to me. This group of special people has seen me transition from girl to woman, they have literally been in the trenches of life with me and have seen my worst and greatest moments. They have always been the ones I cry to or want to share with, the ones I had so much in common with, they knew me and I them! So what happens when you suddenly have this experience that has changed the fabric of your being, and the friends you want to share with, the friends that always GET you, suddenly feel so distant, for the first time in years you feel misunderstood! That was literally my experience when I first came to Christ! In ways if I am completely honest it still is at times, I just deal with it differently now.
2 CORINTHIANS 5:17 “THIS MEANS THAT ANYONE WHO BELONGS TO CHRIST HAS BECOME A NEW PERSON. THE OLD LIFE IS GONE; A NEW LIFE HAS BEGUN!” This was hard for me to accept at first “the old life is gone” I don’t think I really understood what that meant! Here I was clinging on to the old me, and what the old me meant to the dynamics of my friendships! I was having an identity crisis. I was still trying to be CERISE, but the old Cerise others had grown used to, not the new Cerise who’s identity is now in Christ and not her friendships! The funny thing was I hadn’t even realised I had assumed an identity in my friendship circles, it was coming to Christ that revealed how deep that rabbit hole went. Nothing is more unsettling than feeling displaced, not knowing were I fit in really messed with my mind. I can’t explain it, but I felt self conscious about how my friends were viewing me, whether they consciously were aware of anything, I FELT that they were treating me differently because of my faith. It sounds bizarre I am sure, and really I know that a lot of that was coming from me, but I couldn’t help but start to feel like an outsider!
I know when I first told my friends about my new found faith, it was met with mixed reactions. No one could understand the reason for this change, they assumed I was on this journey for the attention of a guy! I was deeply offended by that assumption, although looking back I could see why they might have come to that conclusion. I was offended because I thought they knew me better than that, and me changing in such an extreme way for the attention of a man had never been my style! The strange thing was that through all the years of our friendship we had never really discussed religion, to be honest I had no idea of what my friends believed! Religion is like talking about politics, you don’t know who supports what out here! Because we never had these conversations I guess its fair to say that they never knew the stirrings in my heart to know who God was. God wasn’t a priority to me back then, so it didn’t matter that we didn’t have those kind of conversations, I guess its evidence that me and my friends kind of saw ourselves as the masters of our own universe.
I was the girl drinking the most at the party, handling my drink like the best of the men. I was the cocktail maker, or as I preferred to be called, the mixologist! I got the people pumped up, the vibologist (new word alert lol) I was the one that had to be funny, crude and rude! I was the one who had all the bad date stories that kept people entertained, the one who shared all the weird sexual encounters. I was THAT girl in my social circles! So going from that to THIS was a shock for all. I still wanted to be the “FUN” friend. I didn’t want to be so different that my friends stopped viewing me as THAT girl, I felt safe as THAT girl, I was familiar and comfortable in that identity. The pandemic couldn’t have happened at a better time for me, I really needed that break away from the norm, the distance from my social gatherings! This helped the Word take root in me, I had less things to distract me, I had nowhere to be but alone with God! JAMES 1:22 “BUT DON’T JUST LISTEN TO GOD’S WORD. YOU MUST DO WHAT IT SAYS. OTHERWISE, YOU ARE ONLY FOOLING YOURSELVES.” I can easily say that the pandemic allowed me to be a doer of God’s Word! I spent most of 2020 buried in my Bible, I was taking a lot in. So by the time the world started to open up a little, the social gatherings started again, and now I felt this pressure to revert back to the old me again. I was so worried about pleasing people and making everyone feel comfortable around me, I was really torn between even attending events at times! I hated having to explain my reasoning for not being the old Cerise, simple questioning felt like I was being attacked, I felt like I had to be on the defence all the time, so it almost felt easier to just assume my old position! I realise now that my friends just didn’t get it, they were not on the same path as me, they genuinely wanted to know! So for the first time in our years of friendship, we stopped finding common ground.
In the book of Acts it says all who believed had all things in common, and it’s more than just sharing the same love for food, or music, or style of dress! Our core moral beliefs make up a big part of us! We can usually all agree on murder being wrong, stealing, things of that nature, but when we dig deeper and go through our beliefs with a fine toothed comb this is where the major differences start to appear. This is when I realised I stopped having as much in common with my friends anymore. It’s a strange feeling, because once upon a time we pretty much agreed on every single issue! Having conversations was like a gauntlet, I could easily get swept up into it all, showing up as the old me! Even now, I have to be mindful of my words because its so easy to fall back in to old habits.
What changed things for me, and what helps me navigate these relationships to this day was realising that I was no longer living for the approval of this world, or my friends. I seek God’s approval first! He has to always be first! No compromise. I had to accept the new me! I had to look at the old me, and see the broken girl, bound by strongholds, always looking for validation from the wrong people, the sad girl who hid behind her smile, who didn’t have purpose or know her identity or her worth! Once I admitted that was who I was, I was able to bury her and be reborn in Christ! It was then I stopped feeling like I was missing out on things, because truth is I am not! Those things that used to pull me in before no longer call my name, and the reason is because I had to spiritually build myself up, the desires fell away when I armed myself spiritually! Don’t forget we are in a spiritual war, sometimes we forget about the unseen realm, but it is real! When we come to Christ, we have to remember that we were living under the influence of the enemy, for he is the spirit in the hearts of those who refuse to obey God. To really be free of his power we have to build ourselves up in the spirit, by reading God’s word and applying it. Usually in the early days of our walk we don’t consume enough food for the spirit so we find it so difficult to deny our flesh. We need to understand that to deny our flesh is to be obedient to God!
I still love my friends, I still cherish them! I just live for God now, something I never did before! Sometimes I have the fear of being reminded of who I used to be, I don’t want to be in a situation where someone calls my past behaviours out. But I realise that’s a fear I don’t need to have, everything that happens is to give God the glory! Yes I might of used to be THAT girl, but now I am just a testimony of Gods enduring love! Hallelujah! As much as I love my friends I know that things are always going to be a little different as we walk different paths in life! But I know that God will use me to plant seeds, I don’t need to be one of those Christians trying to evangelize everyone that comes into my path, not in a way that alienates them. I know that my new life is meant to show and glorify Christ, His light that lives in me is meant to allure them to want to know more. MATTHEW 5:14-16 “YOU ARE THE LIGHT OF THE WORLD-LIKE A CITY ON A HILLTOP THAT CANNOT BE HIDDEN. NO ONE LIGHTS A LAMP AND THEN PUTS IT UNDER A BASKET. INSTEAD, A LAMP IS PLACED ON A STAND, WHERE IT GIVES LIGHT TO EVERYONE IN THE HOUSE. IN THE SAME WAY, LET YOUR GOOD DEEDS SHINE OUT FOR ALL TO SEE, SO THAT EVERYONE WILL PRAISE YOUR HEAVENLY FATHER.” I pray that my light shines for my friends to see. I pray that they will feel the call and answer the way I did! But whatever their journey may be, because its a different journey for all of us, I hope they know that even though they might not share my zeal or beliefs the fact that they never stopped being there for me, even when they didn’t understand me the same, I will always be grateful that they tried and loved me anyway! I guess this post is a reminder to love your neighbour as yourself, even if they are non believers! Christians are too quick to turn their backs on non Christians (well some, not all) and it’s left a bad taste in the mouth of others! Remember to always ask yourself this “what would Jesus do?!”
MY CONVICTIONS 