WHEN GOD CHANGES YOUR DIRECTION.

I struggled with writing this blog because so much has happened since my last post, and I have debated whether I should discuss it here, but I would not be true to myself or my blog (which can sometimes feel like therapy) if I didn’t talk about it, and it might help somebody else, which has always been the point of sharing so openly. So, there is no easy way to say it, but I decided to leave my church. This was not an easy decision, and it was one that I prayed about, wanting to make sure it was the Lord moving me on instead of my flesh. There is so much I want to say about it, but I know it would not be right to disclose everything here. So I will share what I can and be mindful that I honour God with my words. Honestly, this has felt like a breakup. I have gone through all the emotions possible. This was my first church home where God placed me when he convicted me in my room that I needed to be a part of the body, which meant being a part of a community. The place where I got baptised. The place where I experienced my first’s with God. The place where He revealed my gift of worshipping and leading others in worship. It was home. But sometimes you come to a point when you just don’t share the same vision. I am aware of how crazy that sounds being that the body of Christ should all share the same vision, but sometimes it’s about how we achieve that vision and what we feel convicted about.

I am so glad that I came to Christ in my unique way. I was never indoctrinated by religion or followed man like he was God. I came to the Lord through His word and nothing more. I had no experience of church, I just read what it was meant to look like when reading the book of Acts, and that was what I wanted to be a part of. But God always warned me about man and how our hearts can not be trusted, so I pledged never to place my faith in man, but only the man that is Jesus. Because of man, church can be messy! If I was spiritually immature, I think I would have left church a lot sooner because people can be the most disappointing. I have had my share of ups and downs with the body of Christ, and believe me, I know that church hurt is a real thing. But the Word says that offence hardens the heart, and I always wanted to have a heart of flesh where God could mould it as he saw fit. When your heart is hard, you make it unmouldable. So, I kept my eyes focused on Jesus through the mess and constantly reminded myself that people who attend church are here because they know they need fixing (well, most do).

As you may be able to tell from my posts and the things I talk about here, I am no wall flower, and if something doesn’t feel right, I will not hesitate to voice my concerns. I have always done that at church, so believe me when I say this time was no different. I believe that one of my gifts has been the spirit of discernment, and what I was descerning was grieving me in spirit. I am a creature of habit, and when I am comfortable, I will not leave! I had built up a reputation at my church as someone wise who others looked up to. I led worship every Sunday, which was an honour. I was comfortable in the position I held, but when God says it’s time to move, you move! When God is leading you, trust and believe He will give you that peace that surpasses all understanding. I remember going to bed in waves of grief, crying out to God to give me peace if it was His will. That next morning, I was so serene and at peace, I had the best restful sleep one can have with 5 hours, and I remember feeling so grateful that God had been so clear. From that day forth, I never shed another tear or even felt sad about my decision. In fact I felt the joy of the Lord wash over me and the day I met with my leaders to tell them of my decision and reason, I felt like God say, go in peace and honour them! It reminded me of the graciousness of David, the man after God’s own heart. He spoke truth in love when it came to Saul. He had opportunities where he could have cut Saul down, but he always chose to show him mercy and honour him. He left it to God to deal with, and that’s exactly what God did. Although I am no David and my church has nothing to do with Saul, I felt God reminding me how to carry myself as a child of God.

Do you ever look at significant moments in your life where you are reminded of how far God has brought you? Because the old me would not have been so merciful, and my words would have spoken death instead of life. All glory to God! PROVERBS 18:21 “DEATH AND LIFE ARE IN THE POWER OF THE TONGUE, AND THOSE WHO LOVE IT WILL EAT ITS FRUITS.” Over the last month, God has spoken this proverb to me in many different ways. He knows me so well it makes me chuckle. I fear God, and because I fear Him, I can go in peace. God is sovereign and knows more than I could ever know or understand. All I need to be concerned about is being obedient and keeping a check of my heart posture. When people leave, it can cause more questions and confusion, and when you hold a respected position at your church, what you say to others can be like a death sentence. So God has been teaching me how to speak life instead. It’s so easy to get up on our self righteous box and point fingers and tell everyone that they have a plank in their eye, but what has that ever done that has been helpful to the body of Christ? Don’t get me confused, I believe that when things are wrong and hurt the body, we have a responsibility to call it out, but remember wisdom will be proven right by her deeds. Sometimes, we have to be careful we don’t cause the little ones to stumble on account of us being hurt or disappointed. MATTHEW 12:36 “AND I TELL YOU THIS, YOU MUST GIVE AN ACCOUNT ON JUDGMENT DAY FOR EVERY IDLE WORD YOU SPEAK. THE WORDS YOU SAY WILL EITHER ACQUIT YOU OR CONDEMN YOU.”

As you know, I have and will continue to be an advocator when it comes to being a part of a local church. This experience has not changed that. For almost six years, I served God diligently with joy. Being connected in my church community was a big part of my life. I have been like Martha, running backwards and forwards, making sure I was serving to the best of my ability. Now it’s time to be Mary and sit down at the feet of Jesus. God says that it’s time to choose the better thing. I am excited to have a season of just receiving it. I needed it! I know that I won’t be Mary for as long as I have been Martha because God has things for me to do for His kingdom. But I am going to enjoy this time of rest that He has been gracious enough to give me. Rest doesn’t mean not going to church. If anything, this has shown me how important it is for me to be a part of the body and be in a church community. I have found a church where I am hearing God clearly, and it’s nice to not be involved in the politics of it all, but I think it’s not good to rush back into a new relationship. Yes, I am looking at it like a relationship. When you leave a long-term relationship, it’s not wise to jump straight into a new one. I’ve only ever known one church, one way of doing church. It’s been refreshing to see what else is out there, and it’s helped me to understand what kind of church goer I am. It’s crazy to feel like the world has opened up to me, and I am now free. But that’s the best way I can describe it.

I have met so many great brothers and sisters in Christ who will continue to be just that. Sometimes, when people leave churches, that means they leave the relationships they created during their time there. I never understood why people did that. After all, the church is not a building! I might not be doing church in the traditional way with them, but we are still doing church together. HEBREWS 10:24-25 “LET US THINK OF WAYS TO MOTIVATE ONE ANOTHER TO ACTS OF LOVE AND GOOD WORKS. AND LET US NOT NEGLECT OUR MEETING TOGETHER, AS SOME PEOPLE DO, BUT ENCOURAGE ONE ANOTHER, ESPECIALLY NOW THAT THE DAY OF HIS RETURN IS DRAWING NEAR.” Look at the apostle Paul, who wrote so many letters to the different churches. He recognised them as one body, just in different areas, and he loved them all the same. When Jesus returns, He is coming for ALL the body, the ones that have placed their faith in Him. Now, I get to meet more people and expand my family, which I find exciting. I also have to do life with people and be intentional instead of relying on seeing people one day a week. These are all positives.

I want to end this post by saying church is important, even if it can be messy at times. Church is not a reflection of God but a reflection of our NEED for God! Yes, life would be much simpler if we could just do Christianity without people, but we need people to see the full glory of God manifest in His gifts. We can not be lone ranger Christians. We are called to serve just as Jesus served. Don’t let the mess get in the way of what and who God has called you to be, because in the end it’s not even about you, you are not the main character of this story, it is Jesus!