WHAT CHRISTMAS MEANS TO ME 2022.

It’s the most wonderful time of the year! This season can find us all in a reflective mood whether you are Christian or not. It’s a time where we get together with our loved ones, share gifts, and eat plenty. Although I love all those things, lets always remember Jesus is the reason for the season. This year I have been given a new reflection, and I pray that the Holy Spirit will always give me fresh eyes to see the many ways that God loves us.

Last month I was at a place where I found myself doubting my commitment and even my love for God. It started from a relapse I had. Now, I have always said that I had struggles, but never really mentioned what I struggled with because I wanted to talk about it when I felt truly free from it. I now realise, that is not the right way to go about it. I think the underlying reason for not sharing was because I felt shame, whether I realised it or not. I wanted to talk about it with you when I had overcome it, but that’s not how this works, so in keeping with being completely transparent, I am going to share what to this day I still continue to struggle with.

I struggle with being free from porn and masturbation. LUST. I will make a post in the new year about it in more detail but for now it’s important to know what the catalyst was for my revelation about what this season means to me this year. After having a good solid run of being free from even having the urge to seek out porn, I suddenly relapsed and had a few bad days where I totally ignored God and wouldn’t speak to Him, or even Seek Him out because of the deep disappointment and shame I felt. I started to feel unworthy, worthless, and even came to the conclusion that my struggle meant that I could not possibly love God if I kept doing the things that I knew he hated! Knowing that every Sunday I was up leading worship, but still here I am buried under my sin?! I felt like a fraud.

I had taken “For the wages of sin is death” from Romans 6:23 and weaponised it against myself. Repeating it over and over in my head, I told myself that I was going to pay for my lack of self-control. This is the part where I tell you how important it is to have community amongst your brothers and sisters in Christ. To have people you feel safe enough to share with that know God and receive you with love and truth. It was my sisters who sowed this seed in me when I broke down and shared what I had done, how I was feeling about it, and how I was feeling about myself. My sister shared this verse with me, and the enemy who I had let take root in my mind was suddenly evicted!

ROMANS 7:15 “I DON’T REALLY UNDERSTAND MYSELF, FOR I WANT TO DO WHAT IS RIGHT, BUT I DON’T DO IT. INSTEAD, I DO WHAT I HATE.” If Paul who wrote at least 13 books of the Bible said this, then clearly, he had struggles too! Who knows what he was referring to? but knowing that even someone as Holy as him still wrestled with things made me feel an instant peace. The fact that I was so grieved by my actions was a sign that I loved God! How easy it was for me to let the enemy sow a seed of doubt, it was frightening. After that fellowship, the Holy Spirit; my helper kept on showing me things that focused on God’s love for me. The coming together of everything was sparked by the words “HIGH VALUE.” I know that if you dabble on some of the secular platforms on social media, you usually see this spoken about in regard to men being high value in the most toxic way possible. But it was reading a devotional one morning that highlighted this word in the most beautiful way. I hope it speaks to you like it spoke to me.

Do you know how highly God values you? How much worth you have? God knows you are far from perfect, He even knows what you are going to do, say, or even think before you know it. Even though you have your struggles and you have your bad days, He never holds it against you when you fall short, instead He meets you with grace and love and shows you more mercy than you deserve. His love for you is a love that is hard to comprehend. It’s a love that you will never experience from anyone else. It’s a love that can feel foreign because to receive a love like it, usually comes with conditions. God loves you without condition. His love isn’t dependant on you loving Him back (although it would be wise if you did) He loved you before you loved Him!

EPHESIANS 3:18 “AND MAY YOU HAVE THE POWER TO UNDERSTAND, AS ALL GOD’S PEOPLE SHOULD, HOW WIDE, HOW LONG, HOW HIGH, AND HOW DEEP HIS LOVE IS.”

Do you know how much God wants you? Do you know how much He wants to be apart of your life? How He wants you to be able to be in relationship with Him? For God who is Holy and perfect and infinite longs to be close to you! Because of His enduring and unfailing love for you, He made a way that he could redeem you to Himself, where you belong. You who were born in sin, born on a sinking ship, in a vast, deep, dark ocean, with no way of escape; death was inevitable. Everyone on this ship doesn’t even realise it is sinking because the hole is so small and nobody has noticed the water seeping in. But because God is so good and loves you so much, He made a way for you to be saved from this sinking ship. A life boat appears and His name is Jesus. God sent His one and only Son to pay the ultimate debt for you, a debt that you could never pay for yourself because you are not perfect. He sent He who was without sin to pay the price for your sin! The ultimate sacrifice, because God loves you so deeply and see’s that you are high value.

JOHN 3:16-17 “FOR GOD SO LOVED THE WORLD THAT HE GAVE HIS ONE AND ONLY SON, THAT WHOEVER BELIEVES IN HIM SHALL NOT PERISH BUT HAVE ETERNAL LIFE. FOR GOD DID NOT SEND HIS SON INTO THE WORLD TO CONDEMN THE WORLD, BUT TO SAVE THE WORLD THROUGH HIM.”

This season I was reminded of God’s deep love for me. He sent Jesus so I could be close to Him, because the only way to the Father is through the Son. Even though I still struggle and I am far from perfect, His Love is Perfect and it casts out fear so I can trust in Him. When I stumble I am reminded that He made a way for me, and it doesn’t require me to be perfect everyday, His grace is sufficient. All I have to do is believe with all my heart in my Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ!

So as Christmas day fast approaches and we are reminded of the birth of Jesus, let us also be reminded of God’s love for us. When I think about it I am often overwhelmed because I honestly believe I don’t deserve it, but who does? God is just that Good! And if He never did another thing in my life, I would still shout out that my God is Good, I am saved! I don’t know who needed to hear this but I hope you feel encouraged! If you are a new follower of Jesus like myself I say to you, you are doing great. God knows your heart so don’t be hard on yourself if you don’t always get things right, remember the righteous path isn’t the easiest path, know you are not alone. If you don’t know Jesus then I encourage you to find out who He is, what He means to YOU and why you NEED Him. As I drift away to safety on my life boat I pray others find their life boat too.

MERRY CHRISTMAS, MAY GOD BLESS YOU ALL THE DAYS OF YOUR LIFE!