WHO AM I?…..

The question that everyone asks themselves at some point in their life! When you don’t subscribe to any belief system (like I used to) that question can haunt you like a toxic ex that hits you up every couple of years with a “hi bighead” I remember having many seasons of feeling unfulfilled with life, lack of purpose, always in the pursuit of happiness and failing. We are always working towards “something”, but that “something” is never really the true prize because once we achieve that “something” a new target is set, then we ride that roller-coaster again! No wonder depression and anxiety is at an all time high. Life becomes exhausting and unsatisfying, and I haven’t even added relationships into the mix!

Before I found my identity in Christ, I felt like a failure! My standards or judgments on who I should be were heavily influenced by culture/society, what they deemed as successfully adulting and winning at life! I am in my late 30’s, no children, unmarried and single (couldn’t even date successfully), don’t own property (I rent a room), all the things society looks down at you for! I only really felt appeased because I had a decent paying job, but it was just that, a job! I was on my own roller-coaster of life and I was not enjoying it! The first truth that God revealed to me, was that culture was wrong! My worth was not based on material things or titles! Do you realise how freeing it is to let that go?? That invisible weight that I carried on my shoulders for years, gone! This timeline of life that the world works on is unrealistic, its dated and holds no relevance to the life of the modern day man/woman! But lets throw God into the mix, and when you consider that a day is like a thousand years, and a thousand years like a day to God as it says in 2 Peter 3:8 then its fair to say our perception of time is invalid! It was learning that God’s timeline and my timeline were never gonna be in sync that brought real clarity! It was realising that I was right where I was meant to be, it was learning that God had a kingdom purpose for my life and He was waiting for ME to come into alignment with His will!

All these things helped me to shed the shackles that Mary, Mary sang about. Not to say that I am free of all “shackles” I’ve got a lot of work to do still! BUT the one bondage that seems to be on everyone’s lips these days “IDENTITY” no longer keeps me bound! Consider how important the topic of identity is today, there are plenty of “groups” who feel unaccepted because of how they identify, whether its your sexuality or gender, or even race, the conversation seems to be in constant rotation! I’ve spent countless conversations trying to make people see that I’m more than the colour of my skin, and I can tell you that I’m tired of THAT conversation! I don’t know what was worse, my own perception of my identity or other peoples perception of how they identified ME! Now, I can’t imagine my whole identity being based on something that can be taken away, or on something that isn’t constant. Not to trivialise the feelings and experiences of others, because I’ve been there and done that, but I’ve learned that feelings are not facts! And our feelings mostly stem from the desires of our flesh!

JEREMIAH 17:9 “THE HUMAN HEART IS THE MOST DECEITFUL OF ALL THINGS, AND DESPERATELY WICKED. WHO REALLY KNOWS HOW BAD IT IS?” The desires of the heart can be a dangerous thing! We constantly have to exercise discernment when it comes to how we “feel” about a thing, we are so fickle, we live in the age of cancel culture, where in one day you can go from the most loved, to the most hated! Give it six months nobody even remembers why you were even “cancelled”. We start living for the approval and validation of others, and we lose ourselves in the process! When we RECEIVE and BELIEVE in His name (JESUS) we have the right to be called children of God! When we become children of God we recognise that we are made in the image/likeness of God, and we stop living for ourselves, we die to our old selves and we are made new, our validation comes from God not fickle (hu)man! 2 CORINTHIANS 5:15 “AND HE DIED FOR ALL, THAT THOSE WHO LIVE SHOULD NO LONGER LIVE FOR THEMSELVES BUT FOR HIM WHO DIED FOR THEM AND WAS RAISED AGAIN.” Doesn’t get much clearer than that does it!? The hard part is accepting that YOU are no longer in control, but giving it all over to God. That has been a process for me, and still is if I’m honest! I’m constantly reminding myself I am not the God of my life!

My identity is now in Christ! I no longer live for myself! I am no longer in control! My old life has gone, my new life has begun! I am a child of God and I answer to my heavenly Father who is constant and never changes! He calls me to be the light and salt of the earth, to share that God loves YOU so much that he sacrificed His only Son so that He could be reconciled with you because He desires a relationship with His children! 2 CORINTHIANS 5:18 “AND ALL THIS IS A GIFT FROM GOD, WHO BROUGHT US BACK TO HIMSELF THROUGH CHRIST. AND GOD HAS GIVEN US THIS TASK OF RECONCILING PEOPLE TO HIM.” Being a Christian gives me identity and purpose, and my purpose has nothing to do with material things or status, it has nothing to do with what others feel, or even what I feel! Part of the journey/walk with JESUS includes constantly reminding myself of this. We are human and we are not gonna get it right all the time, we are not perfect, only JESUS could remain perfect in his human form because he was God wrapped up in flesh! We are not God’s! There is only one God! And He has enough GRACE for us to love us beyond our mistakes, He is not fickle! So we need to have enough GRACE for ourselves when we forget WHO WE ARE! The enemy is constantly working to confuse us and cast doubt! Its hard out here in these sanctified streets! The only advise I can offer anyone struggling with identity is to seek your Father! Learn about who JESUS is and what he did on the cross! Only when we discover the identity of JESUS CHRIST do we truly discover OURSELVES!