HOW DO YOU MEASURE YOUR GROWTH?

What is growth? What does it mean to you on your Christian walk? The world always talks about the importance of growth and evolving, but as a Christian what does that look like? For me every few months something seems to happen in my life that highlights an area where I noticeably see the growth, this is usually a change of attitude, or response to something that a time like before would have affected me negatively. On the flip side there are moments when I have to say to myself “Cerise, you need to do better!” I love those moments, the moments when I know I need to do better, I stay thankful that the Holy Spirit convicts me! The moment I stop seeing my short comings is the moment that I stop growing, I stop changing for the better! Growth promotes change. Like the saying goes, if you know better, you do better!

Whether you have been a Christian for 30 years, 5 years, or 2 months, the time frame isn’t an indicator of your growth. I have seen more growth in someone who has been a Christian for 1 year compared to a Christian saved for the last 20 years! True growth comes from application of the Word! I know we all know the saying knowledge is power, but knowledge is only power with application! That’s the problem with some of our brothers and sisters, we need to start practicing what we preach. A lot of us know Gods Word, we read our bibles, we can quote scripture when need be, but a lot of us do not apply what we know to our daily lives, so we don’t allow the Word to change us fully. The other side of the coin is that we don’t read our bibles enough to even know what God expects from us, so how can we grow on our walks, how can we change? It’s funny how a start to a new year always brings up the topic of change and becoming a new you, we are all in a season of reflection. I have a lot of work to do myself, I am humble enough to admit my short comings, there is a lot of work God is doing in me, but He has done so much already! Sometimes we can get caught up with life and miss all the little things that God does in us, sometimes we even miss the big things! We go so long without noticing the changes that sometimes we even think God isn’t even working or doing anything in our lives! If this is you, this post is God’s way of telling you to stop and take stock of where you are now and where you started from!

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Another factor when it comes to our growth that we have to consider is our RELATIONSHIP. Our walk depends on our relationship with God, the closer we are to God, the more successful our walk in faith becomes! We have a relational God, He requires us whole heartily. This is why church is also important when it comes to our growth, if your church is not assisting you in your walk with Christ, maybe it’s time to start asking God to draw you to a community where they hold you accountable as a Christian, and I am not just talking about your Pastor!

The reason why the topic of growth came up for me this week was because of a conversation I had with my mum. As you know from my previous post I’ve spoken about my mum and her journey of faith, as she fully came to Christ last year. We have been consistently doing bible study together, as that is how we grow, when we read the word of God and allow it to change us. Merely reading the bible is not enough, we can all read through the bible and comprehend the stories, but to truly understand and gain wisdom from God’s word we must STUDY it, stripping away verse by verse, and allowing God to use something written over 2000 years ago to guide us today. ROMANS 15:4 “FOR EVERYTHING THAT WAS WRITTEN IN THE PAST WAS WRITTEN TO TEACH US, SO THAT THROUGH THE ENDURANCE TAUGHT IN THE SCRIPTURES AND THE ENCOURAGEMENT THEY PROVIDE WE MIGHT HAVE HOPE.” So anyone who thinks the bible isn’t relevant because it was written so long ago, I challenge you to pick up your bible today!

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I know my mum struggles with her salvation, and understanding how God works in her life, but as we have been learning about the Character of God through reading His word, her understanding of how God works has been made clear to her, thank you Holy Spirit! She can now see the changes that have occurred in her life, she can see what God has been doing and continues to do for her. My mum loved to drink alcohol, she had such a taste for it that she consumed great amounts not even realising that she would lose all control in the process. She now can not remember when she last drank to that degree, she no longer desires the taste of it, and it now tastes bad in her mouth. It was through her reflection on what God was doing in her life that she even noticed that she had changed so drastically! She was spending a lot of time thinking that God was not doing anything, feeling like she was not being affected, like there was no growth because what she measured as an acceptable level of growth she was not meeting! But God does things in His own perfect way, in His own perfect time! Sometimes it’s tempting to look at others and judge our growth by comparing our walks with one another, but everyone’s journey will look different, don’t let the spirit of comparison steal your joy!

1 PETER 2:2-3 “LIKE NEWBORN BABIES, CRAVE PURE SPIRITUAL MILK, SO THAT BY IT YOU MAY GROW UP IN YOUR SALVATION, NOW THAT YOU HAVE TASTED THAT THE LORD IS GOOD.” Our spiritual milk is the word of God! The word helps us grow, it strengthens us! How can we experience growth in our walks if we are not consuming our spiritual sustenance? Just like babies are fed daily, so must we if we want to grow up to be strong in faith and experience healthy growth in our walks. Like I said before, it doesn’t matter how long you have been a Christian for, what matters is your growth! I had someone tell me the other day that I wasn’t a Christian long enough to tell them anything in regards to the bible, as they had grown up in the church etc. The interesting thing about that particular conversation I had, I wasn’t trying to school anyone and be a know it all, or seem arrogant, all I did was tell them what I felt God was doing for me and my journey, and also what God was teaching me! But they felt like I was calling them out on what they knew! Now in this case I know the enemy was working within them, they might have been brought up as a Christian, so that was their core belief, but they did not live as a Christian. They had long since fallen away, but instead of repenting or humbling themselves, they decided to let their prideful spirit take control of the conversation. This person might have been a Christian longer than me indeed, they might be more familiar with the bible, but there was no growth! They hadn’t let the Word mature them, I don’t even think they truly understood the Word the way God intended! reciting a story from the bible is one thing, but gaining wisdom from it is something entirely different.

This walk of faith is not a race but a journey! Do not expect quick results, do not expect the same experiences as others! Take your time, soak yourself in God’s Word! Let God do what He does! Trust in Him and give Him thanks for all the small things He does in your life, all while He takes care of the bigger things that have not yet manifested! Don’t let anyone belittle your growth, no matter how seasoned of a Christian they may be! A Christian who feels unteachable is a red flag alert! We can all learn from each other. Don’t worry about the speed of your growth, as long as you experience some measure of growth. God will do the rest as long as you take a step! We can not be drinking milk forever, we must move on to solid food at some point. If you have been a Christian for 30 years or 20 years or 10 years, this is a growth check for you. If you feel like your growth has been stunted, then pick up your bible and read that book for the 50th time, God will speak to you and show you something new!

Every so often we need a reminder that we need to be on fire for God. When you first become a Christian your zeal for the Lord is through the roof! But as time goes on and life takes over, the fire burns out and we slow down, we don’t pick up our bible as much as we should and we forget the power of His Word, we forget that God uses His Word to speak to us! We stop growing, we become content in our knowledge and stop seeking for more. God always has more to give, as long as you thirst for it He will give it to you in abundance. ISAIAH 40:8 “THE GRASS WITHERS AND THE FLOWERS FALL, BUT THE WORD OF OUR GOD ENDURES FOREVER.” There are a lot of “read the bible in a year” bible study guides around right now, even if you have done bible studies in the past, there is always something new to discover, something you might have missed before, something God wants to reveal to you now! Buy yourself a commentary to help you understand the bible if you are not able to join any bible study groups. Use bible apps like “YouVersion” which is free and has so much material to help including daily devotionals you can do alone or with a friend! God is constantly providing ways to reach us in this ever changing world we live in, we have no excuse for why we can not use all that God has to offer! Growth is not just for new Christians, growth is for all! So let’s make 2022 a year of growth.

CHRISTIANS AND THE OCCULT

First let me start of by saying HAPPY NEW YEAR! We made it, we survived 2021! Its been a trying couple of years, so please be kind to yourselves if you feel like life is not what you planned it to be right now, you are surviving through a pandemic, it’s OK! This Christmas was beautiful, lets always keep in mind the reason for the season, but being with family when the previous year we were all kept apart gave me a new appreciation for my loved ones. I am normally the girl who enjoys spending Christmas alone, so being able to spend it this year with my family was such a blessing! Now that all the festivities are over, it’s time to concentrate on what 2022 has in store!

This first post of the year is a little different, a topic I didn’t think would come up on this blog, at least not so soon, but God always has other plans and His plans are always best! I spent a little time on my karaoke app “smule”(I spoke of this in my first post) before 2021 ended, singing and catching up with my friends all over the globe, this happens in a “live” setting so it’s very interactive, and you never know who will wonder into your live! A lady I had never met came in to my live, we will call her “Amy”. So Amy joined me on the mic and we sang a couple of songs in between a lot of chatting. The thing about me is that I will sing and get along with any and everybody, I am very easy going and that usually promotes an environment where people tend to overshare or just be really honest without fear of judgement. One thing that I first noticed about Amy was that she cussed a lot, that is not particularly abnormal, as most I find do, I mean I used to a lot! So being that not everyone shares the same values as myself, I come to expect it when I go on these kind of apps. Amy however was cussing out her 4 year old using explicit language while live, that was one thing I noted. Let me just clarify, I noted not to be judgmental, but it told me that we might not share the same beliefs and values so that would help me navigate my interaction. The thing about being a Christian is that God expects us to navigate ourselves in this fallen world in a way that we stay true to Him at all times! We are not meant to hide ourselves like a light hidden under a basket, we are called to be a light in a sea of darkness! We can’t be people pleasers, but pleasers of God! So that usually means going against the majority, and maybe not being so popular, because we might be seen as boring, but if boring means you don’t conform and compromise yourself then be the best boring you can be!

Back to Amy. During our conversations she kept mentioning that she was spiritual, and that she had ascended to a higher level of spiritual awareness. I am listening to her intently at this point, trying to work out what it all meant to her to be spiritual. I notice when people use the wording “spiritual” it sometimes means that they don’t normally subscribe to any religion, but they acknowledge a higher power of some sorts, whether its the universe or mother nature. As she was talking she started to talk about cards, at this point I stopped to ask if she was referring to tarot cards, which she confirmed to be the case. She then continued, talking about how the cards were very helpful and that people misunderstood them. She said that the cards were “calling” to her to do a reading for me! Now I am no stranger to tarot cards, before I found Christ, I had visited tarot card readers in my time, we all have a curiosity to take a glimpse into our futures, or gain some deeper revelation on a situation or a person, I understand the appeal. But when you become enlightened by truth revealed in God’s word by our helper the Holy Spirit, you learn about these things that we are prohibited as Christians not to entertain! Now the Bible doesn’t mention “tarot cards” by name, but talks about divination, which is part of the occult, and tarot cards fall under that heading! It was at this point that I politely declined, and told her that I was a devout Christian, Jesus was my Lord and Saviour and that tarot cards were demonic!

The conversation got real interesting at this point as this was when she revealed herself to be a Christian! Now you can imagine my surprise to hear this, looking back at our conversation up until this point nothing she said or did told me she was a follower of Christ! She believed that as a Christian, you can use different means to reach a level of spiritual awareness, she saw these things as tools which she truly believed that God used to give revelation! She then told me how her year had been very hard for her, full of tests, God had been testing her all year and she had finally passed and come out the other side with extra abilities (now I never even asked about these abilities) she then said her biggest test had been her being told to sacrifice her 4 year old!!! If you are a Christian reading this, if you are anyone reading this, alarm bells should be going off in your head right now! Of course I was like “excuse me, what!?!” I asked her who had told her to sacrifice her child, and she told me she had been told in a dream at first and then told through a particular deck of tarot cards! She believed that God had told her to sacrifice her child as a test, and because she didn’t, she passed God’s test, and as a reward she received a random free month of rent! I told her that God was not the power behind that test, and God wouldn’t ask you to sacrifice your child! She then told me I was wrong and used a well known story in the Old Testament of when God tested Abraham to see if he would sacrifice his only son Isaac! (GENESIS 22:1-9) This is a classic case of someone misinterpreting and not understanding scripture, it’s easy to read scripture, but to read scripture without true understanding is damaging! Amy was very adamant in telling me that she knew all there was to know in regards to the Bible, she was well versed and almost couldn’t be told anything new! A red flag is a Christian that feels unteachable when it comes to the word! As Christians we are to remain humble like children, always ready to learn! Amy might have read through the bible, she may have remembered all the stories of the Bible, but it was clear to me that she hadn’t studied the bible to truly understand and gain wisdom.

Now I don’t pretend to know everything in relation to God’s word as I am still learning myself! But I knew enough, I understood enough to tell her that the story of Abraham and Isaac wasn’t applicable to her situation because we have JESUS! Jesus was the ultimate sacrifice, the lamb slain for our sins! The death and rise of Jesus Christ meant that we didn’t have to give offerings, like the Israelites of the Old testament anymore because we were given the gift of Grace from God when we believed in our Lord and Saviour! There was a pause from Amy at this point, I could feel her mulling that over in her head. Something made sense to her, because her story then changed from God testing her to Satan being the one testing her, she became a little defensive, so in order not to lose her, I took a step back and tried to change the intensity of the conversation by stating that everybody had their own journey’s to make when it came to the Holy Spirit revealing truth and bringing conviction to a persons soul. My conviction was that the occult was not for me! Shortly after that we got disconnected and I never saw Amy again that night! DEUTERONOMY 18:9-12 “WHEN YOU ENTER THE LAND THE LORD YOUR GOD IS GIVING YOU, DO NOT LEARN TO IMITATE THE DETESTABLE WAYS OF THE NATIONS THERE. LET NO ONE BE FOUND AMONG YOU WHO SACRIFICES THEIR SON OR DAUGHTER IN THE FIRE, WHO PRACTICES DIVINATION OR SORCERY, INTERPRETS OMENS, ENGAGES IN WITCHCRAFT, OR CASTS SPELLS, OR WHO IS A MEDIUM OR SPIRITIST OR WHO CONSULTS THE DEAD. ANYONE WHO DOES THESE THINGS IS DETESTABLE TO THE LORD; BECAUSE OF THESE SAME DETESTABLE PRACTICES THE LORD YOUR GOD WILL DRIVE OUT THOSE NATIONS BEFORE YOU.”

In the days of Moses, the Israelites were fascinated with things of the occult, they often looked for other sources outside of God’s provision, kind of what people still do to this day! God was very clear to them about doing such things, to God these things were detestable! They are still detestable to God to this day! Why? Because when we seek these other avenues to find some kind of enlightenment, we are no longer going to God, we are no longer trusting God with our futures. When we are not seeking God’s provision then we are seeking satan, it’s as simple as that, because what is not of God is of satan! Remember we are in a spiritual war, these things are not to be taken lightly and played with! If you keep seeking and knocking on these doors, you best be ready to receive whatever is behind them! You play with fire you will get burned! What starts of as innocent curiosity, can turn very dark and sinister very quickly, before you know it, you are dealing with demonic spirits posing as familiar spirits, whether its a deceased love one, or casper the friendly ghost, they are not of God! The devil is a liar, Amy is proof of that, the devil has tricked her into thinking that this “spiritual awakening” she is experiencing is from God! That’s the thing about our adversary, since the beginning of man he has always tried to make us question God’s provision, always tried to convince us to live independent of God! Using tarot cards is just another way he does that!

We should always seek revelation from God in prayer or in His word, even God uses other people to convey his messages, not to mention prophetic dreams! We shouldn’t be using trinkets and tools that are commonly used by people of the occult and fool ourselves into thinking that its ok to use these things to gain spiritual enlightenment from God. I notice that when life gets tough and we don’t feel God’s presence for whatever reason, our lack of faith in that moment can cause us to want to find answers elsewhere. I kind of believe that’s what led Amy, who is a Christian down the path that she is on! ISAIAH 8:19 “WHEN SOMEONE TELLS YOU TO CONSULT MEDIUMS AND SPIRITISTS, WHO WHISPER AND MUTTER, SHOULD NOT A PEOPLE INQUIRE OF THEIR GOD? WHY CONSULT THE DEAD ON BEHALF OF THE LIVING?” We should be consulting God for all things, not some pack of cards. We have to start trusting God in the quiet times, and understand that God is always working even when we can not see it straight away! Have patience and know that you will see the “light” on the other side, even if things seem bleak and unfixable. There is nothing our Lord can not change! He is a promise keeper, He is faithful, He is full of grace and mercy, and He loves you! One of my favourite Proverbs is this, “Trust the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on you own understanding” (Proverbs 3:5) God knew in his infinite wisdom that we might experience some times when we might not understand Gods perfect way, we would doubt His perfect will, that is why He tells us to trust in Him, even when we want to make sense of things in our own way, He tells us not to lean into our own understanding!

Maybe one day Amy might come across this blog, maybe she won’t, maybe someone else like Amy will! I hope that this post makes them turn away from these things, or at least stirs something inside that convicts them that this is not the right way! Please use wisdom my brothers and sisters, it’s a slippery slope to opening doors to uninvited guests. Read your word, for everything! Trust in the Holy Spirit! There are many mysteries to our father, the Bible doesn’t reveal everything, but enough to know we can place our trust in Him! This is why he requires us to be in relationship with Him, true relationship promotes trust, if there is a lack of trust, draw closer to Him, spend more time getting to know Him! He will reveal so much to you. MATTHEW 7:7 “ASK AND IT WILL BE GIVEN TO YOU; SEEK AND YOU WILL FIND; KNOCK AND THE DOOR WILL BE OPENED TO YOU.”

THE ARCHITECH AND THE BUILDER, MY FIRST SERMON.

This week I decided to share with you one of the coolest things I got to do this year! My Pastor saw something in me and my growth that he set me a challenge to preach at my church before the year was up. Of course I jumped at the challenge, my goal this year was to say yes to God and not fear, because I have quickly learned that if God puts you in a situation that aligns with His will, He will always see you through because He will never set you up for failure! Of course I had plenty of ideas of things I wanted to cover, but ultimately I prayed over it and let God lead me. With the support of my Pastor I decided I wanted to cover the topic of faith and God’s faithfulness. So as the year is coming to a close, and as we reflect on the madness that seems to be following us into the new year, I think this is a great time to share this with you. I hope that it will instil a renewed faith and strengthen you to hold on in these difficult times! This is gonna be my last post of the year, as I take some time to get my life together for this Christmas. See you all in the new year and God bless you for reading and following this little old blog! Get your cup of tea or coffee and get comfortable, this is gonna be a long one.

I read a book this year by Jackie Hill Perry called “Hollier Then Thou” and the question she asked was this “do you realise how we live is the evidence of what we believe about God?” instantly my mind was blown because I had never thought of it like that! What we believe about God is directly linked to our faith! But what is faith exactly? HEBREWS 11:1 “NOW FAITH IS CONFIDENCE IN WHAT WE HOPE FOR AND ASSURANCE ABOUT WHAT WE DO NOT SEE.” To simply put it, faith is acting like God is telling the truth! But how do we know that God is telling the truth?….TRUST! How we trust God and what we trust God with is a good indicator of the depth of our relationship with him! Now we are all in a relationship with someone, whether it’s your partner, friend, family or a work colleague. We all have different levels of trust in these relationships. If we use your partner as an example, when you met them you didn’t instantly trust them with your life, you got to know them over time, you learned about what they liked and disliked, you learned each others love language! It’s through taking that time to get to know them you learned their character and they became trustworthy! So it’s exactly the same with God! Through our relationship, the more time we spend with Him and get to know his true nature, we understand his character, He becomes reliable, He becomes trustworthy! This is what makes our relational Father so good! We already know that God can not lie, it says so in HEBREWS 6:18, so we can trust and believe that God is telling the truth! So now we can put it into action, proving our faith so that we please God, as it says in HEBREW 11:6 “AND WITHOUT FAITH IT IS IMPOSSIBLE TO PLEASE GOD.” We live in a society that says “to see it, is to believe it!” but God is telling us “to believe it, even if we don’t see it!” That is faith!

Faith is measured by the steps of our feet, not by our feelings. We can sometimes forget our feelings are not facts, as we already know our hearts can be deceitful! The society today is all about doing what you feel without consequence, if you feel like a cat today and a dog tomorrow the culture says yes! Do you! live your best life! The culture makes our feelings fact, which is dangerous, because its no longer based in truth! So to walk based on what we “feel” and not by faith in the integrity of God’s word which is truth makes no sense! Many of our faith based decisions go against our feelings and gut instinct! It’s important to really understand what it means to have faith, so what better example to use than Abraham!

HEBREWS 11:8-10 “BY FAITH ABRAHAM, WHEN CALLED TO GO TO A PLACE HE WOULD LATER RECEIVE AS HIS INHERITANCE, OBEYED AND WENT, EVEN THOUGH HE DID NOT KNOW WHERE HE WAS GOING. BY FAITH HE MADE HIS HOME IN THE PROMISED LAND LIKE A STRANGER IN A FOREIGN COUNTRY; HE LIVED IN TENTS, AS DID ISAAC AND JACOB, WHO WERE HEIRS WITH HIM OF THE SAME PROMISE. FOR HE WAS LOOKING FORWARD TO THE CITY WITH FOUNDATIONS, WHOSE ARCHITECT AND BUILDER IS GOD.” When God called on Abraham to leave all he knew, his family, all he had, his home, all his comforts, Abraham was 75 years old! (how comforting to know that God will use you at any age!) Abraham didn’t question God! He didn’t say ” sorry God, now is not a good time, this doesn’t fit in with my plans” instead he “moved”, he acted, because he knew God’s plan is always better! Remember faith=action, and action is obedience! God made all these promises to Abraham, He promised to make him into a great nation, to bless him, to make his name great, he would be a blessing, and all who blessed him would be blessed, all who cursed him would be cursed, all people on earth would be blessed through him (this includes us!) he would have numerous offspring, too many to count, and like him they were all promised land! God gave Abraham a look at the building plans of his future, and at 75 years old Abraham believed it!

HEBREWS 11:10 “FOR HE WAS LOOKING FORWARD TO THE CITY WITH FOUNDATIONS, WHOSE ARCHITECT AND BUILDER IS GOD.” Abraham’s focus was on what was from above! How many of us can honestly say the same?! It’s so easy to get caught up in the here and now, what we have and what we don’t have! The culture we live in tells us we don’t have enough, we shouldn’t be content, we should look for more! But look at Abraham, he left his comforts, his familiarity, to live in tents like a stranger in a foreign country, all because he was looking forward to the city with foundations, whose architect and builder is God! Abraham had a 25 year wait before he saw a small part of God’s promise come to pass, but still he was looking forward to the city with foundations, whose architect and builder is God! That is some wait! 25yrs is a long time, that kind of wait can cause one to doubt if God is still faithful, you have to have a lot of faith to stay hopeful for that amount of time! But the waiting period is important! The waiting is where we are refined! Where we grow spiritually! It’s where we are often tested, where God is making sure we are ready! It took 25 years for Abraham to be ready to come into his promise, and in that time Abraham lied about his wife being his sister, not once but twice for self preservation, and he had a baby outside his marriage, all of these occasions happened when Abraham took his eyes of God’s providence and timing, a cautionary tale for all who try to control what God has planned for them! It’s fair to say that Abraham wasn’t perfect! But during all those ups and downs God remained faithful to him and Abraham never stopped looking forward to the city with foundations, whose architect and builder is God!

Often in life we come to a crossroads where we don’t know or even understand where God is taking us, sometimes the light at the end of the tunnel isn’t so bright! But if we only focus on what we can see and overlook the spiritual, we will become discouraged! Remember God is spirit, and that is how He operates at times! We are not meant to know God’s every move! We are not meant to understand his timing and how he operates! Those are the mysteries of God, to know all will make us God, and there can only be one God! Remember one day is like a thousand years to God, so how we understand time will never match up with God and His time line, we need to be ok with that! This is why He is so pleased when we move in true faith! Don’t become so practical that you stop believing in God’s promise! Yes, you also have a promise! Some of you might be in your “Abraham” wait, but just know that as God is preparing the promise for you, He is also preparing YOU for the promise! So focus on THE BUILDER, THE ARCHITECT! Don’t get caught up in the worldliness of society, because worldliness is just the exclusion of God! Don’t exchange your eternity with your father for a few “good” years on this pit stop called earth! Look beyond what this earth has to offer you, and remember God is the architect of opportunities in your life! He is the foundation and builder of your future! Trust in your Father, He doesn’t lie! Seek him more and see what that mustard seed of faith can do!

ROMANS 4:16 “SO THE PROMISE IS RECEIVED BY FAITH. IT IS GIVEN AS A FREE GIFT. AND WE ARE ALL CERTAIN TO RECEIVE IT, WHETHER OR NOT WE LIVE ACCORDING TO THE LAW OF MOSES, IF WE HAVE FAITH LIKE ABRAHAMS. FOR ABRAHAM IS THE FATHER OF ALL WHO BELIEVE.”

NAVIGATING OLD FRIENDSHIPS WHEN YOU ARE A NEW CREATION

This is a sensitive topic for me, and I pray that the Holy Spirit will guide my words on this. The dynamic of friendships differ for most people, maybe you are a person who is never lacking in that department, or maybe you’re a person that struggles in making long lasting connections. I remember my mum would always tell me how I was lucky when it came to my friendships, I always managed to find true connections, where her experience was much different to mine, even now in her late 50’s she still struggles! I have never taken my friendships for granted. I have kept a small tight circle of friends who have known me for over 10 plus years. That’s a lot of trust I have built up over time, and if you are like me, an introvert, I struggle with letting people “in” (because of the lack of trust on my part). I always went through life expecting disappointment so my expectations were always low, I know that’s not the best way to go into relationships but it was how I protected myself, the wall I built kept me safe! This system of mine had never let me down, and I had the friends to prove it!

So the moto for most of my 30’s had been “no new friends!” (thanks to Drake lol) If it ain’t broke don’t fix it! I’ve relied heavily on my friendships, they have meant everything to me. This group of special people has seen me transition from girl to woman, they have literally been in the trenches of life with me and have seen my worst and greatest moments. They have always been the ones I cry to or want to share with, the ones I had so much in common with, they knew me and I them! So what happens when you suddenly have this experience that has changed the fabric of your being, and the friends you want to share with, the friends that always GET you, suddenly feel so distant, for the first time in years you feel misunderstood! That was literally my experience when I first came to Christ! In ways if I am completely honest it still is at times, I just deal with it differently now.

2 CORINTHIANS 5:17 “THIS MEANS THAT ANYONE WHO BELONGS TO CHRIST HAS BECOME A NEW PERSON. THE OLD LIFE IS GONE; A NEW LIFE HAS BEGUN!” This was hard for me to accept at first “the old life is gone” I don’t think I really understood what that meant! Here I was clinging on to the old me, and what the old me meant to the dynamics of my friendships! I was having an identity crisis. I was still trying to be CERISE, but the old Cerise others had grown used to, not the new Cerise who’s identity is now in Christ and not her friendships! The funny thing was I hadn’t even realised I had assumed an identity in my friendship circles, it was coming to Christ that revealed how deep that rabbit hole went. Nothing is more unsettling than feeling displaced, not knowing were I fit in really messed with my mind. I can’t explain it, but I felt self conscious about how my friends were viewing me, whether they consciously were aware of anything, I FELT that they were treating me differently because of my faith. It sounds bizarre I am sure, and really I know that a lot of that was coming from me, but I couldn’t help but start to feel like an outsider!

I know when I first told my friends about my new found faith, it was met with mixed reactions. No one could understand the reason for this change, they assumed I was on this journey for the attention of a guy! I was deeply offended by that assumption, although looking back I could see why they might have come to that conclusion. I was offended because I thought they knew me better than that, and me changing in such an extreme way for the attention of a man had never been my style! The strange thing was that through all the years of our friendship we had never really discussed religion, to be honest I had no idea of what my friends believed! Religion is like talking about politics, you don’t know who supports what out here! Because we never had these conversations I guess its fair to say that they never knew the stirrings in my heart to know who God was. God wasn’t a priority to me back then, so it didn’t matter that we didn’t have those kind of conversations, I guess its evidence that me and my friends kind of saw ourselves as the masters of our own universe.

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I was the girl drinking the most at the party, handling my drink like the best of the men. I was the cocktail maker, or as I preferred to be called, the mixologist! I got the people pumped up, the vibologist (new word alert lol) I was the one that had to be funny, crude and rude! I was the one who had all the bad date stories that kept people entertained, the one who shared all the weird sexual encounters. I was THAT girl in my social circles! So going from that to THIS was a shock for all. I still wanted to be the “FUN” friend. I didn’t want to be so different that my friends stopped viewing me as THAT girl, I felt safe as THAT girl, I was familiar and comfortable in that identity. The pandemic couldn’t have happened at a better time for me, I really needed that break away from the norm, the distance from my social gatherings! This helped the Word take root in me, I had less things to distract me, I had nowhere to be but alone with God! JAMES 1:22 “BUT DON’T JUST LISTEN TO GOD’S WORD. YOU MUST DO WHAT IT SAYS. OTHERWISE, YOU ARE ONLY FOOLING YOURSELVES.” I can easily say that the pandemic allowed me to be a doer of God’s Word! I spent most of 2020 buried in my Bible, I was taking a lot in. So by the time the world started to open up a little, the social gatherings started again, and now I felt this pressure to revert back to the old me again. I was so worried about pleasing people and making everyone feel comfortable around me, I was really torn between even attending events at times! I hated having to explain my reasoning for not being the old Cerise, simple questioning felt like I was being attacked, I felt like I had to be on the defence all the time, so it almost felt easier to just assume my old position! I realise now that my friends just didn’t get it, they were not on the same path as me, they genuinely wanted to know! So for the first time in our years of friendship, we stopped finding common ground.

In the book of Acts it says all who believed had all things in common, and it’s more than just sharing the same love for food, or music, or style of dress! Our core moral beliefs make up a big part of us! We can usually all agree on murder being wrong, stealing, things of that nature, but when we dig deeper and go through our beliefs with a fine toothed comb this is where the major differences start to appear. This is when I realised I stopped having as much in common with my friends anymore. It’s a strange feeling, because once upon a time we pretty much agreed on every single issue! Having conversations was like a gauntlet, I could easily get swept up into it all, showing up as the old me! Even now, I have to be mindful of my words because its so easy to fall back in to old habits.

What changed things for me, and what helps me navigate these relationships to this day was realising that I was no longer living for the approval of this world, or my friends. I seek God’s approval first! He has to always be first! No compromise. I had to accept the new me! I had to look at the old me, and see the broken girl, bound by strongholds, always looking for validation from the wrong people, the sad girl who hid behind her smile, who didn’t have purpose or know her identity or her worth! Once I admitted that was who I was, I was able to bury her and be reborn in Christ! It was then I stopped feeling like I was missing out on things, because truth is I am not! Those things that used to pull me in before no longer call my name, and the reason is because I had to spiritually build myself up, the desires fell away when I armed myself spiritually! Don’t forget we are in a spiritual war, sometimes we forget about the unseen realm, but it is real! When we come to Christ, we have to remember that we were living under the influence of the enemy, for he is the spirit in the hearts of those who refuse to obey God. To really be free of his power we have to build ourselves up in the spirit, by reading God’s word and applying it. Usually in the early days of our walk we don’t consume enough food for the spirit so we find it so difficult to deny our flesh. We need to understand that to deny our flesh is to be obedient to God!

I still love my friends, I still cherish them! I just live for God now, something I never did before! Sometimes I have the fear of being reminded of who I used to be, I don’t want to be in a situation where someone calls my past behaviours out. But I realise that’s a fear I don’t need to have, everything that happens is to give God the glory! Yes I might of used to be THAT girl, but now I am just a testimony of Gods enduring love! Hallelujah! As much as I love my friends I know that things are always going to be a little different as we walk different paths in life! But I know that God will use me to plant seeds, I don’t need to be one of those Christians trying to evangelize everyone that comes into my path, not in a way that alienates them. I know that my new life is meant to show and glorify Christ, His light that lives in me is meant to allure them to want to know more. MATTHEW 5:14-16 “YOU ARE THE LIGHT OF THE WORLD-LIKE A CITY ON A HILLTOP THAT CANNOT BE HIDDEN. NO ONE LIGHTS A LAMP AND THEN PUTS IT UNDER A BASKET. INSTEAD, A LAMP IS PLACED ON A STAND, WHERE IT GIVES LIGHT TO EVERYONE IN THE HOUSE. IN THE SAME WAY, LET YOUR GOOD DEEDS SHINE OUT FOR ALL TO SEE, SO THAT EVERYONE WILL PRAISE YOUR HEAVENLY FATHER.” I pray that my light shines for my friends to see. I pray that they will feel the call and answer the way I did! But whatever their journey may be, because its a different journey for all of us, I hope they know that even though they might not share my zeal or beliefs the fact that they never stopped being there for me, even when they didn’t understand me the same, I will always be grateful that they tried and loved me anyway! I guess this post is a reminder to love your neighbour as yourself, even if they are non believers! Christians are too quick to turn their backs on non Christians (well some, not all) and it’s left a bad taste in the mouth of others! Remember to always ask yourself this “what would Jesus do?!”

DO YOU UNDERSTAND GOD’S LOVE FOR YOU?

This week I had a deeper revelation of God’s love for me that absolutely wrecked me and brought me to tears! Of course when you become a follower of Christ, you are told about how much God loves you because He sacrificed His one and only Son for us, I mean who out here would sacrifice like that for you out of love? We might go a step further and call someone crazy for doing such a thing! But really anyone who has a loving, nurturing parent knows that without hesitation they would give their life for their child! Well we have the ultimate parent who did just that for each and everyone of us! So yes I grasped that notion that God loves us, but to be honest its been a concept that has been floating on the surface, mainly because I think I have issues with accepting true unconditional love, deep I know, but the Holy Spirit is revealing so much I didn’t know was there! I am reading the Bible and getting free therapy sessions from my counsellor! I am being refined, really made a new and it is a long process but I know it is so necessary to my walk. Sometimes we don’t even know how much we have hidden until we truly dig deep within ourselves! I can’t say I would ever truly fathom how deep God’s love runs for us but something hit me while studying the Book of Ephesians this week.

I think its fair to say I was left truly humbled and feeling unworthy, a feeling I don’t think I truly comprehended before! Please do not mistake me for being arrogant before God, never have and never will! I always humble myself, WE must ALL humble ourselves before God! But something clicked today about how God SEE’S me that took me to another level of humble. I realised that the disconnect came from how I view myself! I realised that I don’t see myself through God’s eyes, the vision I have is flawed, this is why the idea of God’s unconditional love for me wasn’t really penetrating the way it should! I really couldn’t comprehend it for myself. It’s funny because I will be the first to tell YOU God loves you with conviction, but I noticed that I was skimming past the notion when it came to myself! This revealed to me I have a heart issue, well I should say the Holy Spirit revealed to me that I had an issue with the posture of my heart. We have a God who is a searcher of hearts and minds, so if something is not right trust and believe He will show you. The great thing about all of this is that I would of been still unaware of this issue if I hadn’t of picked up my Bible! This is why I will always say PLEASE READ YOUR BIBLES! If you want to experience true change, growth and Knowledge, it will come from God’s word, the source! The revelation for me was “maybe I don’t love myself the way I should?” I know we have all heard that saying ” if we can’t love ourselves how can we love anyone else!?” or something to that same affect. There is a definite truth to that I believe, because if I was made in the image and likeness of God but somehow have a problem with myself, it made me think how that had to have a knock on effect with how I receive God’s love!?! When we truly receive or understand why God loves us and how much He loves us, we experience a change within, and our hearts are bursting with joy! It promotes a change in our spirits and now our eyes and hearts are focused on Jesus, and what we focus on is what we emulate! So it’s fair to say we start to become more consecrated and Holy!

Now I know that feelings of unworthiness is advised to keep you humble, even the Apostle Paul refers to himself as undeserving! EPHESIANS 3:8 “ALTHOUGH I AM LESS THAN THE LEAST OF ALL THE LORD’S PEOPLE, THIS GRACE WAS GIVEN TO ME: TO PREACH TO THE GENTILES THE BOUNDLESS RICHES OF CHRIST” But even in his unworthiness and his acknowledgment of it, he doesn’t let it cripple him from doing what God has tasked him to do, he seems to accept God’s love, God’s grace, and get straight to business sharing the Good News, seeing his position as a privilege to serve! The problem with me or with us as a body of believers is that we can sometimes let that unworthiness stop us from doing what we have been called to do! Sometimes we can have trust issues that run deep from dealing with the disappointment of people. We become so jaded by this world we live in, when someone does anything for us we become suspicious, asking “why?” instead of just accepting a good deed with gratitude and moving on! This world has sold us a lie on love. When you think about it, it’s not surprising being that satan rules down here, and he is ALWAYS going to give us a perverted version of God’s way. Down here people do things for others disguised as love, but wait with expectation for you to reciprocate, because if you don’t then they get to remind you off all the things they did for you, and the things you don’t do is how they measure love. Down here love is love, meaning we all get to do whatever we like and nobody can tell you otherwise because that is not deemed as loving! (let me not get too carried away there!) But God say’s to us ” I love you despite of yourself, I love you because I made you, I love you even though you do not get it right all the time” and most importantly we can not skim by this “This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him.” 1 John 4:9.

So the part that took my breath away in the book of Ephesians, and mind you I have yet to properly finish it, even though it is a short book there is so much to edify the spirit, I am going through it with a fine toothed comb! Earlier I mentioned how God saw me, and how it was different to how I saw myself. Well it’s Paul revealing the mysteries of God’s plan through Christ that humbled me. Let me see if I can break it down for you.

YOU are IMPORTANT! Let me start of there. You might look at your life now, and not feel much optimism about where or what this life has to offer you, but let me help you understand the way it clicked for me. Before God created the world He had a plan for YOU! He loved you so much He chose you, because He knew you already! Take a moment and let that set in…. Now His plan for you was to be Holy (EPHESIANS 1:4), and the Hebrew word for Holy means to be set apart! But set apart from what? Well if this was his plan before the world was created the only thing I could see was that He set us apart from the Angels, as that seemed to be the story less talked about when we think of the fall of satan which we know happened before God created the earth! Now stay with me here because it was reading further that solidified that idea for me! Because of man’s fall from grace with Adam and Eve, we were spiritually dead because it has become our nature to live in disobedience to God, we live to follow the desires of our flesh, doing what “feels” right at the whim of our sinful nature! EPHESIANS 2:2 “YOU USED TO LIVE IN SIN, JUST LIKE THE REST OF THE WORLD, OBEYING THE DEVIL-THE COMMANDER OF THE POWERS OF THE UNSEEN WORLD. HE IS THE SPIRIT AT WORK IN THE HEARTS OF THOSE WHO REFUSE TO OBEY GOD.” Imagine living under the wrath of God because of our disobedience! And even though we lived this way God still planned a way for us to be reconciled to Him! That is love, a love I will never fully realise, because usually when people do me wrong consistently my response isn’t to find a way to reconcile. But God being so full of grace saved you through Christ! He purchased your freedom with the blood of his only Son, because He knew that was the only way you could draw close to Him, the only way your sin’s could be forgiven so you could have eternal life and gain a seat with Him in the heavenly place through Christ! Because of your belief in Christ, you are saved by the grace of God which is a gift, and this has nothing to do with all the good you have done, so that you can not boast! (EPHESIANS 2:8-9)

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So as unworthy as we may be, God still wants to redeem us! So even now as believers in Christ, when we let that feeling of unworthiness start to cripple us, its this knowledge of God’s love for us that should have us back on task like Paul! EPHESIANS 3:10 “GOD’S PURPOSE IN ALL THIS WAS TO USE THE CHURCH TO DISPLAY HIS WISDOM IN IT’S RICH VARIETY TO ALL THE UNSEEN RULERS AND AUTHORITIES IN THE HEAVENLY PLACES.” Remember when I talked about being set apart from the angels? Well this was the verse that solidified it for me! Doesn’t that blow your mind, or is it just me? When you believed in Christ you became part of one body (the church) You received the helper, the Holy Spirit, who was sent to lead you, blessing you with all the gifts of the spirit which come from the heavenly places, this is the sign that you have been purchased through the blood of Christ and a sign you will receive your inheritance that was promised from God! You gain God’s wisdom and it is shown through all the good things you do which He planned from long ago! And all this wisdom you show is just to display the multi faceted God you serve! And like a body we all have different functions, and your function may not look like your neighbours, your function may even seem minute, but its not because nothing about God is minute and nothing about God is unimportant! And all of this is to show these unseen rulers and authorities in heaven the richness that is God because they would never know this about their creator without YOU! I swear I had never looked at it like this before! This is the fun part of being a new believer, it’s learning all these things that let me know the character of my Father, it’s the deeper understanding of all that Jesus Christ has done for me!

I am gonna end with Paul and his prayer for the people of Ephesus, a prayer for spiritual growth for us all! I pray that you who reads this, God will empower you with inner strength, I pray that Christ will truly make a home in your heart, so that your faith will keep you grounded in his peace so that you will experience his love for you “And may you have the power to understand, as all God’s people should, how wide, how long, how high, and how deep his love is.” Ephesians 3:18

BACK IN NOVEMBER 2019…

Before I start on this journey it is only right that I start from the beginning. Allow me to introduce myself, my name is Cerise, I’m a black single female who found Jesus in November 2019. Now my story is not extraordinary, and for that reason I suspect some might find it relatable, or maybe not *shrugs shoulders* but before you understand where I am at present, you need to know where I came from.

Its funny how God reaches out to you from the most unexpected of places! At 38 yrs old I was enjoying a karaoke app named “Smule”. Now I had been on that app for a solid 5 years! If you enjoy singing, and enjoy meeting new people then this app is very addictive and it consumed a lot of my free time. But still God found me…. I started singing regularly with a guy from the USA ( yes there is always a guy involved *rolls eyes*) not only did we sound great together, we got on very well and became fast friends. Our friendship blossomed very quickly that we started to communicate outside of the app. Now I know you are thinking where does God come into this, well my new friend was a Christian! We had a long distance friendship as I am from the UK, but we spoke everyday! Every so often my friend would share stories from the bible, sounds very random but the way he told them always brought them into the 21st century. He was well aware that I was not a Christian, but he never treated me less than, or made me feel like I was excluded from some special club. He didn’t preach at me, you know like how you see some of the street proclaimers who aggressively scream in peoples faces about repenting, or meeting your end in a pit of flames! He actually never went out of his way to evangelise me like you might think either, what he did was so much better! What he did was share what God had done in HIS life, the life he used to live, the man he used to be, the freedom he found that only comes with following JESUS!

I believed in a God, I knew there was no such thing as evolution, I knew that there had to be something more in this world, the intelligence that comes from constructing this earth was no accident! But even though I believed in A God, I didn’t know what that meant to my life! Who was God, and what did he want from me? In the past I have had strong urges to want to find God, but being that I had nobody around me that subscribed to any kind of doctrine I never knew what to do about it or where to even start! So I carried on and everyday life became a distraction (the enemy is crafty like that)

ACTS 2:39 THE PROMISE IS FOR YOU AND YOUR CHILDREN AND FOR ALL WHO ARE FAR OFF- FOR ALL WHOM THE LORD OUR GOD WILL CALL. When the Apostle Peter was addressing the crowd telling them what they needed to do for forgiveness of their sins, that last part struck me! GOD CALLS YOU! There are plenty of verses that talk about Gods calling that are probably better examples like MATTHEW 22:14, I’m just currently reading the book of ACTS right now. But really consider that, he calls us! Do you ever find yourself drawn to know God? maybe you are a believer maybe you are not, but think back in your life, have you ever felt the pull/call of God? I realised in that moment that those random urges I felt in the past to know God was actually God calling me! But I never answered. The enemy is like bad reception on a phone call, God rings your phone, and you try to answer but the enemy runs interference and now the call is breaking up and you can’t hear a thing, so you hang up! Well praise JESUS I finally answered!

Now I had a very distorted view of what the Bible was, it’s purpose and what it said. Ask me where these ideas came from, I can’t even really tell you! I guess I would say it was a mixture of other peoples OPINION, what I FELT, and what the CULTURE we live in told me! I felt so strongly about these feelings/opinions that didn’t even originate from my thoughts, how strange right!? I always considered myself a fair person, never made judgments based on other peoples opinion before, so why was I doing it now? The problem was anytime I had biblical questions I always found Christians clueless! Now I’m not saying all Christians lack knowledge, I’m just saying I could tell by the response I got when asking questions that there was a disconnect. Unfortunately all that did was make me feel I was right, and my feelings were justified.

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Now where was I? Oh yes, my friend was a Christian! Not only was he a Christian, he was a Christian who read his bible, spent time in Gods word and knew more than any Christian I had ever come across before! He was able to provide so much clarity to my thoughts, always giving context to scripture he presented! Having a new take on the bible I wanted to know and understand more! I always had this impression that the bible was boring, dated text that had no relevance to life as we know it, oh how wrong I was! So the beginning of November I made the decision to purchase my first bible. My intention was to just read it, I wanted to see what else it said, I still had other thoughts and feelings that needed answers! If I’m really honest part of me was reading it to still validate what I thought I knew to be truth. I didn’t read it to come to Christ, but to satisfy my own need to be right! Well God sure showed me! With the help and assistance from my friend I started reading it everyday. By the end of November I told my friend “I think I might be a Christian!?!”

I can’t explain the power of God! I just know its real! In that moment I had never felt so sure about anything, never felt so convicted before! I decided that I needed JESUS! I guess the rest is history. Here I am almost 2 years in my walk with Christ, still learning so much (do you ever really stop learning?!) feeling like a real toddler. I am learning that being in Christ is nothing to do with religion but its all about relationship, and just like any relationship, what you put in is what you get out! It’s not been easy, but JESUS warned us the righteous road would be narrow, I just underestimated how narrow it would be. The narrow road has brought me so many blessings, blessings that have made the journey worth it! I could never go back to my old life, I wouldn’t even want to! I lived in so much bondage in my past life, not to say life is peaches and cream now, I still have strongholds that I am battling with, but I know that I will overcome them in the mighty name of JESUS! So welcome to MY CONVICTIONS. This is a safe place where I share my thoughts and feelings on my new life with Christ, how I am constantly convicted during my restoration, basically a journal that nobody asked for! Lets normalise being honest with our walks! If it inspires one person to seek their Father, then my work here is done!