WHERE IS THE LOVE?

No, I am not talking about the song by the Black Eyed Peas, I am genuinely asking the church, where is the love? It has been a struggle! I know this might sound trivial to some of you seasoned Christians, but I have been finding this season very disheartening. I have been on what seems like a rollacosta when it comes to church. Since parting ways with my old church, it has been eye-opening to see what is going on in other places. I know in my last post I had said that I had found a church, but I think I may have been too quick in making that decision. I think in my desperation to just find myself settled somewhere, I choose too quickly. It was so refreshing to go to a church that was unapologetically proclaiming Jesus and the importance of living holy. I didn’t even realise how thirsty my spirit was for that message! I didn’t hesitate to sign my name up. But, I quickly learnt that even though the word being preached is important, it’s not the only thing I needed.

After attending that church for over a month, I found that the people were not that friendly or warm. I couldn’t feel the love of Jesus reflecting from the congregation. I know that may sound harsh, but as someone new attending the church, not many people would talk to me. Other than the pastor and his wife, only one person had gone out of their way to make me feel welcomed. After service, the pastor always tells people to stay for tea’s and coffee and fellowship. But if my friend, who had invited me to that church, wasn’t there, I would find myself sitting alone. I have never been a shy recluse scared to talk to people I don’t know. I talk to everyone! I love meeting new people. But this was different. I found people to just go off in their groups and chat amongst themselves. Even when passing by them, trying to see if anyone would open themselves up to engage with me, I was just met with a polite smile as they continued on in their groups. This made me feel so lonely. I found myself going to church because I didn’t want to get out of the habit that I had for the last 6 years. I was no longer excited in the same way I used to be. I felt like a child going to school because they had to, not because they wanted to. That made me feel sad.

I remember when I first attended my old church, the welcome I received was what kept me coming back at first. The love and care they showed to me, a stranger, felt like being accepted into a family after being an orphan all your life. It wasn’t just from the leadership. It was everyone! People went out of their way to talk to you because they knew they had not seen you before. There was a genuine feeling of a desire to connect. Because of this welcome, which was the culture of that church, I learned to do the same because that was all I knew. I assumed that was the way of church! I was wrong. I realise that I need a church with a solid word and the love of Jesus. I can’t have one without the other. Unfortunately, the church I thought would be my new home is lacking in what I need, so back to the drawing board I go. Although I haven’t run out of churches to visit in my area, it is becoming disheartening. Attending churches that I see are very off in what they teach; it feels like I am gonna run out of churches, finding myself in the same position.

1 TIMOTHY 4:12 ” DON’T LET ANYONE THINK LESS OF YOU BECAUSE YOU ARE YOUNG. BE AN EXAMPLE TO ALL BELIEVERS IN WHAT YOU SAY, IN THE WAY YOU LIVE, IN YOUR LOVE, YOUR FAITH, AND YOUR PURITY.” On Sunday, I visited a church that reminded me of this scripture. The preacher started off well in his message but then lost me when he said that reading your bible at home doesn’t build your faith, only hearing the word, meaning only by coming to church on a sunday to listen to your preacher will you increase your faith. Safe to say, I won’t be back there again, but being a mature Christian means being able to discern what is good from what is bad. So, I threw away the bad and kept what was good from that message. I think the body of Christ may have forgotten how to love. In a world where the love of man runs cold, sometimes the culture of the times we live in seeps into the church. I know that this doesn’t apply to the whole body of Christ, but no matter how small a group is, it’s still too much. Sometimes showing love to others, especially others that may not be living the way you think is right can seem like affirmation of a life that is opposed to God, but even Jesus showed love to those who lived a life opposed to God. He gave them truth in love, not out of condemnation. His love for them didn’t affirm their behaviour. It was meant to expose the darkness within them by showing them the light. We are meant to be an example of that kind of love. So if someone walks into your church, you should rejoice and seek to know who they are and discern why God has brought them there. We can’t forget that we are workers among the harvest.

I never liked the idea of attending mega churches because I always thought that too many people would affect how you connect in that environment. But I have learnt that even the smaller churches can create a feeling of disconnect. I have learnt so much about myself and what kind of church goer I am. It has felt like I am creating a checklist of wants and needs when it comes to finding a church. I know that God is pruning me in this season, and I am learning about what it means to walk with God even when my life isn’t wrapped up in serving my church and community. I realised that the way I was serving in my old church was subconsciously becoming like a way of working my way into heaven. I don’t think I would have ever realised that until it was taken away. It left me questioning my identity and what it meant to even be a believer. For the first time, I felt like I had lost my purpose in life. I work for a secular company, and I work shifts, which take up a lot of my time. So, when I was throwing myself into my church, I felt like that was the only way I could do work to build the kingdom of God here on earth. This is why God takes the bad things that happen in your life and turns it for good for those who love Him. Because, leaving my church felt like the worst thing that could ever happen a few months ago, but now I see what He is doing for me and how he is using this experience to shape me and build my faith.

ROMANS 12:1 “AND SO, DEAR BROTHERS AND SISTERS, I PLEAD WITH YOU TO GIVE YOUR BODIES TO GOD BECAUSE OF ALL HE HAS DONE FOR YOU. LET THEM BE A LIVING AND HOLY SACRIFICE-THE KIND HE WILL FIND ACCEPTABLE. THIS IS TRULY THE WAY TO WORSHIP HIM.” Sundays for the past 6 years have been an important part of my worship. Leading worship was a big part of who I was. But when God said it was time to leave these things, I obeyed but felt lost and unsure of what my worship actually meant to God. I forgot that it was more than a Sunday and more than a song. He has reminded me that how I live and conduct myself every day is worship to Him. Just because I don’t have a church right now doesn’t mean I don’t worship God. It’s so funny how you can misplace what is really important in your walk with God and get caught up in the details. Although I long to feel part of community and find a church to call home, the most important part of all is how I live everyday, because church or no church I will always be an ambassador of Jesus Christ, and that is everything.

As I continue on this path to find my community, I want to encourage you if you are in the same season as me. Please don’t give up your search, but don’t forget that being a Christian is more than just attending church on a Sunday. It is life every day. If you are fortunate to be a part of a local body, I encourage you to approach the new face at your church, lead with love because it makes all the difference. I want to end this post with scripture from 1 Corinthians. This scripture has been jumping out at me of late, and it’s a good reminder that without love, it’s all worthless. Your church can have the best preachers on a sunday, the best worship, great kids work, and packed seats, but without love, it means nothing!

1 CORINTHIANS 13:1-3 “IF I COULD SPEAK ALL THE LANGUAGES OF EARTH AND OF ANGELS, BUT DIDN’T LOVE OTHERS, I WOULD ONLY BE A NOISY GONG OR A CLANGING CYMBAL. IF I HAD THE GIFT OF PROPHECY, AND IF I UNDERSTOOD ALL OF GOD’S SECRET PLANS AND POSSESSED ALL KNOWLEDGE, AND IF I HAD SUCH FAITH THAT I COULD MOVE MOUNTAINS, BUT DIDN’T LOVE OTHERS, I WOULD BE NOTHING. IF I GAVE EVERYTHING I HAVE TO THE POOR AND EVEN SACRIFICED MY BODY, I COULD BOAST ABOUT IT; BUT IF I DIDN’T LOVE OTHERS, I WOULD HAVE GAINED NOTHING.”

FISHING IN YOUR POND.

I have spent the last few weeks talking and thinking about what it means to be a Christian and my purpose; the point of it all! It has led me to have some interesting conversations with other believers, who have made me delve deeper into understanding why we even exist. We all know about Jesus, and we all know that because of Him, we are reconciled back to the Father through the wonderful gift of grace, which cost nothing but our faith in Jesus Christ, and His death on the cross to absolve our sins. Hallelujah, we cry! Salvation is ours! But what next? Now, we work out our salvation on the narrow road, trying, and at times failing, to resist the temptations placed in our way by the evil one, all while we try our best to keep our eyes focused on Jesus! But what next?

While that might seem like work enough, it doesn’t end there. If I am honest, I have spent the last four years worrying about MYSELF, MY walk, MY struggles, MY growth, and MY relationship with God. Don’t get me wrong, that is exactly what I should be doing, but God requires more from me. I have learned to love God with all my heart and all my soul, but now it’s time to love my neighbour as myself! Part of loving my neighbour is sharing the good news of the Gospel, something that I haven’t been doing as well. It’s easy to meet fellow believers and talk about the goodness of God. It takes no effort to engage with each other when we share our love for Jesus. But when we have to explain the reason for our hope to someone who has no idea of who Jesus is and often has no interest in finding out, our mouth suddenly becomes dry, and we stumble on our words, praying that we don’t get asked something theological because we don’t have all the answers! When I think about sharing the gospel, most times I picture myself standing on a street corner, talking loudly about Jesus to strangers who look at me like I have lost the plot, or shout out abuse at me. The thought alone doesn’t make me want to run and grab my bible and make my way to the local town centre. The first thing this fear highlights is my pride, my worry of how I will be perceived by others, or just my fear of persecution. A reason why I am forever reminding myself of 2 TIMOTHY 1:7 “FOR GOD HAS NOT GIVEN US A SPIRIT OF FEAR AND TIMIDITY, BUT OF POWER, LOVE, AND SELF-DISCIPLINE.”

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I then told myself to slow down and take one step at a time. I asked myself, what does sharing the good news of the Gospel really look like for me? Then, my sea suddenly became a pond! All this time, I was picturing myself talking to strangers, and my sea felt too big and overwhelming! Now, I saw all the people I knew, whether friends or colleagues, and now my sea turned into a manageable pond that wasn’t as frightening! It’s no secret that I live for Jesus now. I am constantly reminded of how much I have changed, becoming someone seen by some as wise and full of truth, and others, as a former shell of myself who is no longer fun! Well, you can’t please them all, and that’s fine by me. My faithfulness to God’s word, and how my faith gets me through lifes difficulties, has made it easier for me to naturally get into conversation about what I believe, but I know I haven’t been intentional with most of those conversations.

MATTHEW 28:18-19 “THEREFORE, GO AND MAKE DISCIPLES OF ALL THE NATIONS, BAPTIZING THEM IN THE NAME OF THE FATHER AND THE SON AND THE HOLY SPIRIT. TEACH THESE NEW DISCIPLES TO OBEY ALL THE COMMANDS I HAVE GIVEN YOU. AND BE SURE OF THIS: I AM WITH YOU ALWAYS, EVEN TO THE END OF THE AGE.” The great commision Jesus left to His disciples in His day is also for His disciples today! And if you have accepted Jesus Christ into your heart, then you too are a disciple. We have a mission to go and make new believers and teach them to obey God’s commands. If you have wondered what your purpose in this life is, then look no further. You have found it! Too many Christians do not think this is their resposibility, they think this is reserved for others, but no, we all have a job to do. We need to stop living a life that is dead, wake up! You have risen from death into life! This new life you have been given is not to be wasted. It’s to be fruitful, to be made to be a blessing to others. It’s not about what God gives you, and what you can take from your brothers and sisters in Christ, but instead, it’s about what you can give to God and how you can meet the needs of others! This is why churches remain stagnant because people only attend, thinking about what they can get from it or what the pastor can do for them. Only a few come thinking about how they can serve the church. When we attend church thinking about how we can serve others, only then will we see and start to live out what it truly means to walk with one another, the Christian who is devoted to each other, the ones who love and do life together, true brotherly love!

So now that you know your calling, what will you do about it? Because in the end, if we are only hearers of the word and not doers, we are only deceiving ourselves.

The topic of evangelism has been coming up at my church recently. My church wanting to equip the flock to be able to carry out the great commission has been very enlightening for me. Like I said before, the idea of sharing the Gospel filled me with fear. But now I see it so differently. I was reminded of the story in the Gospel of Luke chapter 8, when Jesus healed a demon-possessed man and sent the demons into a herd of pigs. After the man had been healed, as Jesus was preparing to head back to the other side of the lake, the man begged to go with Him. But Jesus said no. LUKE 8:39 “NO, GO BACK TO YOUR FAMILY, AND TELL THEM EVERYTHING GOD HAS DONE FOR YOU.” SO HE WENT THROUGH THE TOWN PROCLAIMING THE GREAT THINGS JESUS HAD DONE FOR HIM.” Imagine wanting to follow Jesus and his disciples, but being told no, but instead, to just go and tell the people you know, your family, about the great things God has done for you!? Wow! This really blew my mind and made me think differently about what evangelism meant. All the time, I thought it meant that before I could do anything, I had to become a scholar overnight, having read all 66 books in the bible. I thought I had to understand everything in the bible so that I could debate anyone who challenged my faith! I definitely wasn’t a scholar, and I know I didn’t understand everything, I’ve only been walking with the Lord for four years, I just wasn’t qualified! But Jesus says you are qualified because your testimony is your good news! He says, “Go and tell your family about what God has done for you!” You don’t have to be a scholar. You don’t have to know or understand everything. So what, if you meet someone who seems to know more and wants to challenge your belief, because the one thing they can’t debate is your testimony, your experience with God! You will never lose talking about what God has done for you.

My church challenged me to be able to give my testimony in three minutes. It really was a challenge to condense it because I am a natural born waffler. But I mangaged to, and now I will be able to share it with people without fear of losing their attention, and giving them the highlights opens up the door for questions and genuine interest. I really encourage you to do the same. So start with your family, share with your friends, your colleagues, work your way down the list of the people in your life, and before you know it, it will become so natural that you too will be going through your town proclaiming all the good things Jesus has done for you!

When Jesus says, follow me and I will make you a fisher of men, all we need to do is make our way to our own personal ponds, our family, our friends, the people that we have V.I.P access to in our lives, and fish! Keep talking and sharing about the goodness of God, pray for them, and live a life that is holy and righteous. Live a life that speaks of Jesus, and just let the Holy Spirit do the rest. You will be surprised when you ask people who they think Jesus is. The answers will make you realise how misimformed people really are. My mum came to Christ through me and my walk with God, I know this works, God used me without me even knowing what was happening!

So be encouraged, my brothers and sisters. Your testimony is unique. Your testimony is powerful! Go and share what God has done for you confidently and boldly! And remember, you can be sure of this, that He is with you always, even to the end of the ages.

Thank you, Lord, thank you, God, for you are good, for you are love

Forever faithful, full of grace, God of mercy in this place

King of kings, Lord of all, the Alpha and Omega, my cornerstone

The right side of the Father, where you wait, my advocate, who prepares my place

The hearts of men, you know them all, no river too wide, no mountain too tall

Nowhere to hide, for all things you see, from the beginning of time to eternity

Then, one day, when it’s time to rest, I’ll sit and hope I’ve done my best

Faithful servant, righteous and true, is who I hope I’ll be to you.

Cerise Vidal.

ADULT. CHRISTIAN. FRIENDS.

The last few weeks have been such a struggle for me in the area of friendship. A lot of past trauma has resurfaced, things I never knew I held onto. I know I have posted about navigating old friendships when you become a new believer, but let’s talk about friendships within the body of Christ. I have, and I am still learning so much when it comes to friendships as a believer. But there has also been a lot of unlearning I have had to do, and that has been the most challenging part because having to deny your flesh is very hard, especially if your flesh desires to cuss someone out or simply just tell someone to shut up!

To understand where I am at, it’s important I take you back to who I was before Christ. When it came to friendships, I was always super picky about who I let into my inner circle. I always knew a lot of people, but I was very good at grouping them into “social” boxes. Certain people were good for certain things. But the ones that stayed close to my heart, the ones I truly considered my friends, I could count them on one hand and I had known them for more than 15 years, so these were the people I trusted wholeheartedly. Although this may seem very wise to you, and of course there is wisdom here, I was very guarded, and it was because I had been hurt at the tender age of 18/19 by these two girls who I thought were my friends, but ended up stabbing me in the back over money. I was heartbroken! Then a few years after that, a school friend that I spent every waking minute either talking on the phone with or hanging out with, behaved so badly on my birthday, the one day I expected them to show up for me. We were never close after that, and that hurt me. Those events changed me, I honestly was never the same again when it came to people. The people I let in close to me always hurt me, and I couldn’t trust anyone. So I built these walls around me so I wouldn’t get hurt again. Now, anyone I let into that space had to really earn it. I wasn’t about making new friends. I might have thought you were cool, but you stayed outside the wall, and I grouped you in boxes instead. In time, I became more introverted, an introvert who presents as an extrovert. If you weren’t in my inner circle, I found it a chore to make time for people, and if I did make plans, I would always be more concerned about when I would be able to go home. I found it all very draining. But it is very draining when you are constantly making an effort to be on guard all the time. It’s hard withholding yourself from people.

At the ripe age of 41, these past events have still been haunting me. They have shaped the way I relate with people. To be honest, I forgot about these things. They were so expertly hidden from myself that I didn’t even realise I was still dealing with the hurt until a recent event triggered this mine bomb to explode. The way God is always making me look deep within myself is just a testament to His love for me. Just when I think I have seen all there is to see, He reminds me that I am still a work in progress. When Jesus commanded that we love our neighbour as ourselves, I never anticipated how hard that would be for me. Oh, how easy it is to love the ones who love you the way you love them. But what happens when the love and consideration you show to others are not reciprocated? COLOSSIANS 3:13 “BEAR WITH EACH OTHER AND FORGIVE ONE ANOTHER IF ANY OF YOU HAS A GRIEVANCE AGAINST SOMEONE. FORGIVE AS THE LORD FORGAVE YOU.” But we cry out “No! They don’t deserve it. Lord, you see how they hurt me?!!!” but He whispers in your ear softly, with all the love and compassion of a Father “Forgive as the Lord forgave you.” And now the real battle begins between your flesh and your Spirit.

Bearing with each other in love would have felt weak years ago, and I would have been too prideful to stand for any of this. I would have been the first to let you know how I felt without any consideration of the words I used. Letting people treat you however they want and still have to grin and bear it in love?? To me, who walked hand in hand with the world, this would have been foolishness! 1 CORINTHIANS 1:18 “THE MESSAGE OF THE CROSS IS FOOLISHNESS TO THOSE WHO ARE PERISHING, BUT TO US WHO ARE BEING SAVED IT IS THE POWER OF GOD.” To keep my heart from closing up to people, I have to remind myself of God’s grace for me and all I have done to Him! yet in His mercy, He has chosen to forgive me, His love for me makes it possible. And it’s the same love He calls us to have for each other! It’s not easy, but it’s important. I have had to deny myself to the point of tears. It’s been a true battle, but I have won, and I have come out the other side healed! My teenage truama is no longer hidden. The enemy can no longer use it against me. Instead, God gets all the glory!

Friendships are important! They are necessary! But wisdom is needed in how we go about them. Unfortunately, in my lack of wisdom, I have learnt some hard lessons during these few years as a believer. The first lesson I learnt was that just because someone is a Christian, it doesn’t mean they will be a friend without fault. If I am honest, when I became a believer, I expected to find friendships easily, thinking everything would be smooth sailing. I learnt very quickly that wasn’t the case. We all fall short, and we all need help. Not one of us is perfect. That is why we need to keep close to the one who is; King Jesus! COLOSSIANS 3:12 “THEREFORE, AS GOD’S CHOSEN PEOPLE, HOLY AND DEARLY LOVED, CLOTHE YOURSELVES WITH COMPASSION, KINDNESS, HUMILITY, GENTLENESS AND PATIENCE.” As we walk hand in hand with each other, how we do life together should not look like the world. Our friendships should not look like the world. How we respond to each other should not look like the world, for we have been set apart from the world! We will experience hard times with each other, and some days, it will be harder to pick up your cross and die to self than others. But in those times, remember that you are holy and dearly loved. Put your pride aside and humble yourself. Remember grace and mercy, and know that God sees it all and He will deal with His children, the way a good Father does with love and discipline. Don’t let the actions of others bring you out of the new nature that God has given you!

The newest lesson I have learnt is that it is ok to have inner circles within the body, as long as it’s not born out of truama. The best example of an inner circle is Jesus. In the Gospels He had twelve disciples, but He always went off with Peter, John, and James. He loved all the disciples, but He had an inner circle. The three were privy to certain experiences. They were sworn to secrecy, and they were trusted. I don’t know what made them special, but I don’t think that matters. I think it’s a healthy model of what friendships can be. Too many times, we can feel like we need all twelve to be in our inner circle, but that doesn’t make an inner circle, it’s just a circle. Just like there are family members we are closer with, the ones we are distant with don’t cease to be family because we only see them twice a year! My mistake was that I put too many people in my inner circle, so when I felt that I had been hurt, I automatically wanted to throw everyone out of my circle, I didn’t know who I could trust to be there. I started to feel overwhelmed and drained because I had gone back to withholding myself from people because I no longer felt safe. But I recognise that was just an attack from the enemy! God showed me I needed to use discernment in this area, and after a little shuffling around, I now feel peace, and I am back to being open, no longer withholding.

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I know I have shared a lot of negatives, but there are way more positives to having friendships within the body. no matter what age, finding friendships is not an easy task. At 41, finding new friendships has been an experience. The people I am blessed to have in my circle have become so important to me! I literally need them to keep my head above water when life gets difficult. I understand the importance of having people who are like-minded lovers of Jesus in your corner! These are the people who will speak into your life with words of wisdom, these are the people who will cover you in prayer, these are the people who will hold your hand and walk along side you through difficult seasons, these are the people who will encourage you daily! I didn’t think I would find these connections at my age, people that I can truly be vulnerable with, without judgment. People who love me enough to correct me in love when I need it. Thank you, friends, you know who you are! I am truly grateful.

ECCLESIASTES 4:10 ” IF EITHER OF THEM FALLS DOWN, ONE CAN HELP THE OTHER UP. BUT PITY ANYONE WHO FALLS AND HAS NO ONE TO HELP THEM UP.”

NAVIGATING OLD FRIENDSHIPS WHEN YOU ARE A NEW CREATION

This is a sensitive topic for me, and I pray that the Holy Spirit will guide my words on this. The dynamic of friendships differ for most people, maybe you are a person who is never lacking in that department, or maybe you’re a person that struggles in making long lasting connections. I remember my mum would always tell me how I was lucky when it came to my friendships, I always managed to find true connections, where her experience was much different to mine, even now in her late 50’s she still struggles! I have never taken my friendships for granted. I have kept a small tight circle of friends who have known me for over 10 plus years. That’s a lot of trust I have built up over time, and if you are like me, an introvert, I struggle with letting people “in” (because of the lack of trust on my part). I always went through life expecting disappointment so my expectations were always low, I know that’s not the best way to go into relationships but it was how I protected myself, the wall I built kept me safe! This system of mine had never let me down, and I had the friends to prove it!

So the moto for most of my 30’s had been “no new friends!” (thanks to Drake lol) If it ain’t broke don’t fix it! I’ve relied heavily on my friendships, they have meant everything to me. This group of special people has seen me transition from girl to woman, they have literally been in the trenches of life with me and have seen my worst and greatest moments. They have always been the ones I cry to or want to share with, the ones I had so much in common with, they knew me and I them! So what happens when you suddenly have this experience that has changed the fabric of your being, and the friends you want to share with, the friends that always GET you, suddenly feel so distant, for the first time in years you feel misunderstood! That was literally my experience when I first came to Christ! In ways if I am completely honest it still is at times, I just deal with it differently now.

2 CORINTHIANS 5:17 “THIS MEANS THAT ANYONE WHO BELONGS TO CHRIST HAS BECOME A NEW PERSON. THE OLD LIFE IS GONE; A NEW LIFE HAS BEGUN!” This was hard for me to accept at first “the old life is gone” I don’t think I really understood what that meant! Here I was clinging on to the old me, and what the old me meant to the dynamics of my friendships! I was having an identity crisis. I was still trying to be CERISE, but the old Cerise others had grown used to, not the new Cerise who’s identity is now in Christ and not her friendships! The funny thing was I hadn’t even realised I had assumed an identity in my friendship circles, it was coming to Christ that revealed how deep that rabbit hole went. Nothing is more unsettling than feeling displaced, not knowing were I fit in really messed with my mind. I can’t explain it, but I felt self conscious about how my friends were viewing me, whether they consciously were aware of anything, I FELT that they were treating me differently because of my faith. It sounds bizarre I am sure, and really I know that a lot of that was coming from me, but I couldn’t help but start to feel like an outsider!

I know when I first told my friends about my new found faith, it was met with mixed reactions. No one could understand the reason for this change, they assumed I was on this journey for the attention of a guy! I was deeply offended by that assumption, although looking back I could see why they might have come to that conclusion. I was offended because I thought they knew me better than that, and me changing in such an extreme way for the attention of a man had never been my style! The strange thing was that through all the years of our friendship we had never really discussed religion, to be honest I had no idea of what my friends believed! Religion is like talking about politics, you don’t know who supports what out here! Because we never had these conversations I guess its fair to say that they never knew the stirrings in my heart to know who God was. God wasn’t a priority to me back then, so it didn’t matter that we didn’t have those kind of conversations, I guess its evidence that me and my friends kind of saw ourselves as the masters of our own universe.

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I was the girl drinking the most at the party, handling my drink like the best of the men. I was the cocktail maker, or as I preferred to be called, the mixologist! I got the people pumped up, the vibologist (new word alert lol) I was the one that had to be funny, crude and rude! I was the one who had all the bad date stories that kept people entertained, the one who shared all the weird sexual encounters. I was THAT girl in my social circles! So going from that to THIS was a shock for all. I still wanted to be the “FUN” friend. I didn’t want to be so different that my friends stopped viewing me as THAT girl, I felt safe as THAT girl, I was familiar and comfortable in that identity. The pandemic couldn’t have happened at a better time for me, I really needed that break away from the norm, the distance from my social gatherings! This helped the Word take root in me, I had less things to distract me, I had nowhere to be but alone with God! JAMES 1:22 “BUT DON’T JUST LISTEN TO GOD’S WORD. YOU MUST DO WHAT IT SAYS. OTHERWISE, YOU ARE ONLY FOOLING YOURSELVES.” I can easily say that the pandemic allowed me to be a doer of God’s Word! I spent most of 2020 buried in my Bible, I was taking a lot in. So by the time the world started to open up a little, the social gatherings started again, and now I felt this pressure to revert back to the old me again. I was so worried about pleasing people and making everyone feel comfortable around me, I was really torn between even attending events at times! I hated having to explain my reasoning for not being the old Cerise, simple questioning felt like I was being attacked, I felt like I had to be on the defence all the time, so it almost felt easier to just assume my old position! I realise now that my friends just didn’t get it, they were not on the same path as me, they genuinely wanted to know! So for the first time in our years of friendship, we stopped finding common ground.

In the book of Acts it says all who believed had all things in common, and it’s more than just sharing the same love for food, or music, or style of dress! Our core moral beliefs make up a big part of us! We can usually all agree on murder being wrong, stealing, things of that nature, but when we dig deeper and go through our beliefs with a fine toothed comb this is where the major differences start to appear. This is when I realised I stopped having as much in common with my friends anymore. It’s a strange feeling, because once upon a time we pretty much agreed on every single issue! Having conversations was like a gauntlet, I could easily get swept up into it all, showing up as the old me! Even now, I have to be mindful of my words because its so easy to fall back in to old habits.

What changed things for me, and what helps me navigate these relationships to this day was realising that I was no longer living for the approval of this world, or my friends. I seek God’s approval first! He has to always be first! No compromise. I had to accept the new me! I had to look at the old me, and see the broken girl, bound by strongholds, always looking for validation from the wrong people, the sad girl who hid behind her smile, who didn’t have purpose or know her identity or her worth! Once I admitted that was who I was, I was able to bury her and be reborn in Christ! It was then I stopped feeling like I was missing out on things, because truth is I am not! Those things that used to pull me in before no longer call my name, and the reason is because I had to spiritually build myself up, the desires fell away when I armed myself spiritually! Don’t forget we are in a spiritual war, sometimes we forget about the unseen realm, but it is real! When we come to Christ, we have to remember that we were living under the influence of the enemy, for he is the spirit in the hearts of those who refuse to obey God. To really be free of his power we have to build ourselves up in the spirit, by reading God’s word and applying it. Usually in the early days of our walk we don’t consume enough food for the spirit so we find it so difficult to deny our flesh. We need to understand that to deny our flesh is to be obedient to God!

I still love my friends, I still cherish them! I just live for God now, something I never did before! Sometimes I have the fear of being reminded of who I used to be, I don’t want to be in a situation where someone calls my past behaviours out. But I realise that’s a fear I don’t need to have, everything that happens is to give God the glory! Yes I might of used to be THAT girl, but now I am just a testimony of Gods enduring love! Hallelujah! As much as I love my friends I know that things are always going to be a little different as we walk different paths in life! But I know that God will use me to plant seeds, I don’t need to be one of those Christians trying to evangelize everyone that comes into my path, not in a way that alienates them. I know that my new life is meant to show and glorify Christ, His light that lives in me is meant to allure them to want to know more. MATTHEW 5:14-16 “YOU ARE THE LIGHT OF THE WORLD-LIKE A CITY ON A HILLTOP THAT CANNOT BE HIDDEN. NO ONE LIGHTS A LAMP AND THEN PUTS IT UNDER A BASKET. INSTEAD, A LAMP IS PLACED ON A STAND, WHERE IT GIVES LIGHT TO EVERYONE IN THE HOUSE. IN THE SAME WAY, LET YOUR GOOD DEEDS SHINE OUT FOR ALL TO SEE, SO THAT EVERYONE WILL PRAISE YOUR HEAVENLY FATHER.” I pray that my light shines for my friends to see. I pray that they will feel the call and answer the way I did! But whatever their journey may be, because its a different journey for all of us, I hope they know that even though they might not share my zeal or beliefs the fact that they never stopped being there for me, even when they didn’t understand me the same, I will always be grateful that they tried and loved me anyway! I guess this post is a reminder to love your neighbour as yourself, even if they are non believers! Christians are too quick to turn their backs on non Christians (well some, not all) and it’s left a bad taste in the mouth of others! Remember to always ask yourself this “what would Jesus do?!”