THE ROAD IS NARROW, BECAREFUL YOU DON’T FALL!

I hope everyone enjoyed the past Resurrection Sunday. This time is always a time of reflection, a time to remember what Christ did for us on the cross, a time to remember that we were once dead in our transgressions until we believed and accepted Jesus into our lives and were brought back from death, given the gift of eternal life! Hallelujah!

I wanted to return to blogging but I had to recognise that I was going through a difficult season spiritually first before I could stay true to what my blog was built on, HONESTY! I am really trying my best to be transparent with you, not only does it help me on my walk, but it can also be a help to YOU on your journey. Life can be so distracting. It starts of as something almost insignificant diverting your attention, then it slowly spirals into something even more distracting and time consuming, and before you know it all the spiritual disciplines you had made a habit of become almost non existent! Suddenly the fire that once was ablaze starts to dim a little and you start to become a little relaxed in your convictions. I know some of you might feel like that could never happen to “me”, and maybe you are right, but that is not realistic in the world we live in. We all have our moments when we are not as on fire as we used to be. Now I am not saying that this has happened to me, although my lack of frequent blog posts may suggest otherwise lol I may have been quiet here on the blog but still have been involved in my church activities, and still consistently doing bible study with mum, which in itself has been very fruitful for her and our family; repairing relationships that I never thought I would see repaired, and allowing unforgiveness to depart and hearts to be softened. In my absence from blogging I was also blessed to be able to give another sermon at my church which I will share with you in a later post! So Although I haven’t “fallen off” I did recognise where my consistency in the habits I had built had dipped, and because of that I noticed that a few strongholds I thought I had a handle on are now tormenting me again! How easy we forget what life was like when we were bound to our desires, when we were slaves to our flesh! As soon as you receive freedom from such things and you live for awhile without the torment, oh how quickly you forget how bad it was! That was my fault, I got too relaxed and for a minute forgot that we are in a constant spiritual war! Being in a never ending battle means that I must always be ready for attack! Unfortunately I told my soldiers to take a break and they fell asleep for too long and before they knew it, they were rudely awoken by a sneak attack from the enemy. Now we all know the enemy can not win the war because Jesus defeated the enemy when He died for us on the cross, but he might leave us a little wounded if we are not prepared. That is exactly how I feel right now, wounded!

One day I will reveal what my struggle is, but right now I feel I want to be truly free from its clutches before I disclose all the details. Maybe that is the wrong way to view my situation, but I really wanna share when it is not such a trigger for me, and I really wanna share with advise of how I overcame! I will disclose with you all what it is, I promise but just not in this post. I will say this before I continue, there is no shame in whatever your bondage is if you truly confess it! And I don’t mean just to God in prayer, but also to your brothers and sisters in Christ who you trust and can hold you accountable! When we keep our sin to ourselves we don’t address it the way we should, we even stop talking to God about it cause of our shame and that is very dangerous. It’s a slippery slope, because we start lying to ourselves about the severity of what that sin is that keeps us bound and before we know it, we are stepping further into darkness! I definitely have people that hold me accountable so I advice you all to do the same. Just know whatever you are struggling with, God can bring real healing and breakthrough!

When you lived a worldly life, you can be left with a kind of stain from it. Of course there is glory to be had from that “stain” because your testimony will always be powerful, and that just gives more glory to God! I never grew up knowing God, so what I participated in when I was part of the world sometimes haunts me like an old movie, and it’s those memories; or images that the enemy likes to use to bring me back to his will. When I first accepted Jesus into my life I went through a hard time, like most do. I was truly under spiritual attack, and the way it manifested itself I really struggled cause it was something I had never experienced before so intensely! When I realised doing things on my own was not working for me, I then understood that only the armour of God would suffice! EPHESIANS 6:10-11 “FINALLY, BE STRONG IN THE LORD AND IN HIS MIGHTY POWER. PUT ON THE FULL ARMOUR OF GOD, SO THAT YOU CAN TAKE YOUR STAND AGAINST THE DEVILS SCHEMES.” It was at this moment that I decided to build spiritual habits or some might call disciplines to really help me through when I felt tormented the most; which was always at night. I decided to read the Word before I went to bed, a few chapters of the bible for a bout 10mins before I closed my eyes. I did this consistently night after night, and let me tell you, nothing happened…..at first. As my nights became more intense, the nightmares I started having were so real I would awake in tears thinking I had given into my sin. I remember really crying out to God in that moment because I understood that even though I hadn’t received any breakthrough, I knew that God still was the only way I could receive freedom from it all. I then started to read the Word in the mornings, before I got out of bed, before I picked up my phone to scroll the normal social apps. I then started reading the Word for 30mins at bedtime, and I would pray for breakthrough. I did this without fail every morning and every night, and by the third week I had the most disturbing dream of them all; I dreamt of a demon (yes you read right) I dreamt a demon who seemed like a queen because she had a crown that was melded to her head, she was floating above me, legs crossed glaring down at me, teeth which were sharp and long grimacing at me, anger pouring out of her, just glaring at me. Using the mental power she seemed to have over me, she was trying to close my mouth, but I was fighting my hardest to open my mouth so I could confess my love for Jesus! I woke up shortly after never experiencing anything like that in my life! I started to play spiritual warfare prayers whilst I slept. I did all of these things consistently that it became normal practice, I didn’t think about it. Sometimes I read for longer than 30 mins, I had fully immersed myself in it all. By the fourth week I got my break through. God gave me my first (and so far only) prophetic dream!

I won’t be sharing my dream with you, sorry. Sometimes we must keep things to ourselves, especially when they come from God! Not everything must be shared, not at least until you truly understand what God is telling you. I do believe that God showed me a glimpse of my purpose and what I would be doing for the kingdom. After that dream God gave me peace! The nightmares had stopped! I was no longer tormented and the urges I had to fall into sin left me! After that I still kept up with the spiritual habits and they became something I did without even thinking about it. During that time I was really on fire for God, He was moving me along in my journey and because I was being obedient He was presenting me with opportunity after opportunity and all I had to do was say YES! JOHN 14:21 “THOSE WHO ACCEPT MY COMMANDMENTS AND OBEY THEM ARE THE ONES WHO LOVE ME. AND BECAUSE THEY LOVE ME, MY FATHER WILL LOVE THEM. AND I WILL LOVE THEM AND REVEAL MYSELF TO EACH OF THEM”

As time went by and life happens, things in my personal life became a little full on. I was doing so much at one time and wasn’t leaving myself time to make my spiritual habits a priority. Before I knew it I stopped making time to read before bed, and after awhile my morning ritual of reading the Word before I started my day began to suffer. I started to learn to drive so I was consumed with watching videos and reading the highway code. I didn’t even realise I had stopped my habits all together! I realised when one day I was looking for a certain scripture and I was checking my bookmarks, that’s when I saw it had been 10 weeks since my habits had come to a complete stop! I was still picking up my bible but it was for my normal usage like bible study. MATTHEW 4:4 “JESUS ANSWERED, ‘IT IS WRITTEN: MAN SHALL NOT LIVE ON BREAD ALONE, BUT ON EVERY WORD THAT COMES FROM THE MOUTH OF GOD’ “ If we need to eat everyday to survive, I am talking about breakfast, lunch and dinner everyday! How much more of God’s word do we need to consume daily, multiple times a day even??!? We stop taking our spiritual food: God’s Word, and spiritually we become weak! Continue to not eat and eventually you die! What does death look like spiritually? I would assume death looks like how we once were before we believed and accepted Jesus as our Lord and Saviour! It would look like you falling off the narrow path and landing back on the wide path that leads to damnation! And believe me I am not even being dramatic. It’s funny because when I stopped spiritually consuming food daily, I noticed that I became spiritually weak! It was then that I started to be reminded of old habits which God had given me freedom over. Because I stopped consuming God’s Word daily, it allowed my mind to become idle and I would think about memories that were triggers for me and almost at times catch myself meditating on it! That is how I let the enemy attack me once again! I stopped being prepared for war.

The most important thing is realising that there is a problem and instead of falling deeper into the rabbit hole, asking God for the strength to overcome! And that is exactly where I am at right now. So now that we are all caught up, it was my struggle that really made me realise how easy it is to “fall off”. You can be the most on fire for Jesus person there is but you can still “fall off” It happens to the best of them. Think of those well known Pastors of present and past who had glowing reputations of being on fire for Jesus; bringing many to know Christ! But then it comes to light that they had deep dark secrets and were doing unspeakable things. They are all perfect examples of what happens when you don’t address your sin, when you keep it hidden! Like I said before we start to make excuses for ourselves and our desires, and minimise the severity of it. Once we take a bite of the forbidden fruit, it becomes almost impossible to stop eating! We all know how to be performative when it counts. We will always keep up appearances and look like we are flourishing from the outside, but inside our hearts are not right, and our personal relationship with God suffers! Remember the road is narrow, be careful you don’t fall! This blog post is a reminder to eat your “food”, stay strong and stay alert! No matter what you struggle with remember God’s grace is always a gift that never runs out! Don’t let the enemy have you thinking that you are not good enough to receive this gift because that is a LIE! You can fall seven times, but as long as you get back up seven times, God’s hand will always be outstretched to you! Dust yourself off and keep your eye on the prize as they say! Believe me when I say I am doing just that, I am taking my own advise and I am back to eating my food again! It’s a habit that needs to be rebuilt, because its very easy to make reasons to not create these spiritual disciplines! But I have noticed a difference already and I find I can hear God more! I am feeling inspired to write and my fire is getting brighter!

Here is my first book recommendation for people struggling to create their own spiritual habits. I found this book really helpful and it will be a book I constantly go back to! Its called “SPIRITUAL DISCIPLINES FOR THE CHRISTIAN LIFE” by Donald S. Whitney, you will not regret buying it and you can thank me later! Until next time, God bless and thank you for sticking with me.

RECOGNISING YOUR IDOLS

During my walk with Christ, God has really been showing me how easy it is to fall into idol worship, even revealing areas in my life where I am on dangerous ground! I never really thought of idolatry outside of what examples you find in the bible, like creating your own God’s made of silver and gold, or wood to bow down to. Whether you worship a cow, or the moon and stars, anything outside of God is idolatry. So understanding that basis and knowing these are things I had never dabbled in, I always felt like this area wasn’t applicable to me and my walk. The first thing I had to do was understand what idolatry actually meant, when I considered the meaning I realised we are probably all guilty of having idols in our lives! Idolatry is simply worshipping something as if it was God, I saw something that said it is like thanking the gift instead of the gift giver which I thought was a good way to look at it. We are all guilty of it to some degree if we are honest with ourselves. Today we see it manifested in many different ways, I’ve seen people give thanks to some strange things, like once I spoke to a lady that said she gave thanks to the water before she consumed it, I was just as baffled as you! The funny thing is when you question these people they usually then talk about it being spiritual and a oneness with all things, which always sends me spiralling into further confusion. I remember before I came to Christ I was probably one of those spiritual, at one with all things type of people, I gave a lot of my thanks to the universe, mainly because I didn’t know any better. I didn’t know who God was, and out of the many God’s on selection I didn’t know which I subscribed to, so it felt right to just be vague with everything. Giving thanks and worshipping the universe was and is idolatry! God, who is the ultimate gift giver, who created all things including the universe is the one and ONLY we should give all thanks and praise to! It’s madness to give thanks to the gift and not the creator and giver of the gift, but that is exactly what we do when we call on the universe, water, mother nature, and the moon and stars. These examples are the obvious types of idol worship we see today, if we exercise wisdom we can easily avoid these as Christians, although I know some people who claim to be Christians who still worship the universe and give thanks without acknowledging God himself! DEUTERONOMY 17:3 “FOR INSTANCE, THEY MIGHT SERVE OTHER GODS OR WORSHIP THE SUN, THE MOON, OR ANY OF THE STARS- THE FORCES OF HEAVEN- WHICH I HAVE STRICTLY FORBIDDEN.”

So how do we recognise the idols in our lives? Well ask yourself this, what is the thing in your life that is so important to you, it means everything to you, you may neglect your responsibilities because of it, it may even take up so much of your time that your time spent with God diminishes, you basically could not do without it, IT WILL ALWAYS COME FIRST IN YOUR LIFE! Now that thing, it could even be a person, that could very well be your idol! EXODUS 20:3 “YOU SHALL HAVE NO OTHER GODS BEFORE ME.”

Asking yourself what is more important in situations that result in some kind of physical/tangible loss but gain you more on your spiritual walk with Jesus can be challenging. As much as the choice should always be Christ without hesitation, the reality is always much different. But choosing Christ in those moments is always what results in spiritual growth. A good example is money, we all need money to live, but how much is too much, and are we willing to lose money if it means gaining spiritual riches? My mum used to make her children her idols. As she is learning about God she is realising that He is the reason for everything, even the kids she was blessed with. My mum would always give thanks to me (I am the oldest) she would say without me she couldn’t do anything, and likened me to being her right hand. Now that is too much pressure for anyone to live up to! As I was coming to Christ and sharing with her, I started to correct her when she would say anything that took the thanks away from God. If she was so appreciative of the gift that she had been given (her children) then thank the reason for the gifts, God! We don’t thank the gift and not the gift giver. She understands now, and I think that it has made her appreciate God on another level because she knows that God gave her the kids she has for a reason, the personalities given to each of them were tailored for her, and that attention to detail that God always gives is what confirms His love for us! I know there are a lot of parents that would struggle if God asked them like He asked Abraham to return their gift back to sender. That is just it, if God says put me first and we say no, or but, or why, then we are guilty of placing our gifts in higher standing than God, and that is idolatry! There is a reason the bible talks about idolatry in the ways it does, and it’s because it is so easy for us to fall at that hurdle because it’s in our nature! Before we came to Christ we were idolaters, we put everything first before God, we put everything that is from our adversary before God! Look at the chosen people of the bible, God having recused them from the clutches of Egypt and walked with them, yet they still took any opportunity to place their faith in things seen, making their own God’s to worship! If they could do that, then who are we!?! We are not any better, because of time and culture, our idols may look a little different but the story remains the same. COLOSSIANS 3:5 “PUT TO DEATH, THEREFORE, WHATEVER BELONGS TO YOUR EARTHLY NATURE: SEXUAL IMMORALITY, IMPURITY, LUST, EVIL DESIRES AND GREED, WHICH IS IDOLATRY.”

Another part of idolatry we overlook is the religious idols we hold dear to us. Whether its a statue of Jesus for some, or the virgin Mary for others, the importance we place on these man made items can very well act in place of the God they are meant to represent. God is Spirit, not a carved statue, or a gold trinket! Even though these items are meant well, if we start holding on to them like a good luck charm, or bowing down to them in expectance when we pray, we are no better than the Israelites of Exodus! LEVITICUS 26:1 “DO NOT MAKE IDOLS OR SET UP AN IMAGE OR A SACRED STONE FOR YOURSELVES, AND DO NOT PLACE A CARVED STONE IN YOUR LAND TO BOW DOWN BEFORE IT. I AM THE LORD YOUR GOD.”

Trusting in what we can not see is hard, it’s easier to place our eyes on something and focus on that one thing, placing our hopes on it. When we have faith, we are placing our hopes on what we can not see, focusing on and trusting in God. We are all tested at points in our lives, my test right now is a financial one. As God changes me, all the things I used to be at peace with now trouble me. My job has been a blessing for many years, God truly has helped me to be independent and be in a position to support my family, but as I have found Christ I feel the direction of my life changing which is unsettling at almost 40! I now don’t see myself doing this job until retirement as I did before, which is quite unnerving because a lot of the plans for my future depended on the salary my job provides. The thing about God is that sometimes He puts you in places for a specific season of your life, but you become so comfortable there you don’t want to go, you become so accustomed to a lifestyle that you find reasons to prolong that stay because your earthly desires take over, and you forget the whole reason God placed you in that season, the audacity of it all! But like the saying goes “God giveth, God taketh away!” I remember in Philippians, where Paul talked about being content in every situation, that always made me think about what made me content. It was then I realised maybe my salary was something that made me more content than it should. Was I trusting in my salary more than I was trusting in God? Was my salary becoming my idol? If God was calling me out of that pay bracket could I still be content? We all know God can bring financial blessings to our lives, but so can the enemy! Not everything good is from God, especially if it gets in the way of doing kingdom work, or spending time with Him. My job is great and I am not complaining but I have started to recognise that as I grow in my faith, my desire to do more kingdom work is growing just as fast. I believe God is highlighting to me that whatever plan He has for my life will not include my current position or salary as my job is just not flexible enough. God didn’t give me this job for it to keep me away from my calling, whatever He blesses me with will compliment it! It’s as simple as that. Now I am not saying that I am gonna quit my job tomorrow, these things call for constant prayer and wisdom, but He is showing me that whatever I had planned for my life, His plan is much better!

So I guess this is just a polite friendly warning to keep a check on the things in your life that have slowly pulled you away from God. The enemy is so crafty, he creates these distractions that seem so innocent to begin with, or he puts you in situations that seem like a blessing at the start, but it is for us to exercise wisdom and discover the schemes of the devil. The best thing to do is to stay focused on what awaits you in your Fathers kingdom, everything on earth will return to dust in the end. What good are riches on earth if we can’t take them with us when we meet Jesus in the sky?! Trust that God will give you all that you need here on earth, whether it’s plenty or just enough, trust that God knows what He is doing and will provide you with what you need when you need it, Just like Moses leading the Israelites into the wilderness with nothing, God provided for them for 40 years! They had what they needed at the time and it was just enough! Trust that God will not lead you out into the wilderness without covering you. Sometimes we all need to journey through the wilderness to get to the promise land.

NAVIGATING OLD FRIENDSHIPS WHEN YOU ARE A NEW CREATION

This is a sensitive topic for me, and I pray that the Holy Spirit will guide my words on this. The dynamic of friendships differ for most people, maybe you are a person who is never lacking in that department, or maybe you’re a person that struggles in making long lasting connections. I remember my mum would always tell me how I was lucky when it came to my friendships, I always managed to find true connections, where her experience was much different to mine, even now in her late 50’s she still struggles! I have never taken my friendships for granted. I have kept a small tight circle of friends who have known me for over 10 plus years. That’s a lot of trust I have built up over time, and if you are like me, an introvert, I struggle with letting people “in” (because of the lack of trust on my part). I always went through life expecting disappointment so my expectations were always low, I know that’s not the best way to go into relationships but it was how I protected myself, the wall I built kept me safe! This system of mine had never let me down, and I had the friends to prove it!

So the moto for most of my 30’s had been “no new friends!” (thanks to Drake lol) If it ain’t broke don’t fix it! I’ve relied heavily on my friendships, they have meant everything to me. This group of special people has seen me transition from girl to woman, they have literally been in the trenches of life with me and have seen my worst and greatest moments. They have always been the ones I cry to or want to share with, the ones I had so much in common with, they knew me and I them! So what happens when you suddenly have this experience that has changed the fabric of your being, and the friends you want to share with, the friends that always GET you, suddenly feel so distant, for the first time in years you feel misunderstood! That was literally my experience when I first came to Christ! In ways if I am completely honest it still is at times, I just deal with it differently now.

2 CORINTHIANS 5:17 “THIS MEANS THAT ANYONE WHO BELONGS TO CHRIST HAS BECOME A NEW PERSON. THE OLD LIFE IS GONE; A NEW LIFE HAS BEGUN!” This was hard for me to accept at first “the old life is gone” I don’t think I really understood what that meant! Here I was clinging on to the old me, and what the old me meant to the dynamics of my friendships! I was having an identity crisis. I was still trying to be CERISE, but the old Cerise others had grown used to, not the new Cerise who’s identity is now in Christ and not her friendships! The funny thing was I hadn’t even realised I had assumed an identity in my friendship circles, it was coming to Christ that revealed how deep that rabbit hole went. Nothing is more unsettling than feeling displaced, not knowing were I fit in really messed with my mind. I can’t explain it, but I felt self conscious about how my friends were viewing me, whether they consciously were aware of anything, I FELT that they were treating me differently because of my faith. It sounds bizarre I am sure, and really I know that a lot of that was coming from me, but I couldn’t help but start to feel like an outsider!

I know when I first told my friends about my new found faith, it was met with mixed reactions. No one could understand the reason for this change, they assumed I was on this journey for the attention of a guy! I was deeply offended by that assumption, although looking back I could see why they might have come to that conclusion. I was offended because I thought they knew me better than that, and me changing in such an extreme way for the attention of a man had never been my style! The strange thing was that through all the years of our friendship we had never really discussed religion, to be honest I had no idea of what my friends believed! Religion is like talking about politics, you don’t know who supports what out here! Because we never had these conversations I guess its fair to say that they never knew the stirrings in my heart to know who God was. God wasn’t a priority to me back then, so it didn’t matter that we didn’t have those kind of conversations, I guess its evidence that me and my friends kind of saw ourselves as the masters of our own universe.

Photo by Mauru00edcio Mascaro on Pexels.com

I was the girl drinking the most at the party, handling my drink like the best of the men. I was the cocktail maker, or as I preferred to be called, the mixologist! I got the people pumped up, the vibologist (new word alert lol) I was the one that had to be funny, crude and rude! I was the one who had all the bad date stories that kept people entertained, the one who shared all the weird sexual encounters. I was THAT girl in my social circles! So going from that to THIS was a shock for all. I still wanted to be the “FUN” friend. I didn’t want to be so different that my friends stopped viewing me as THAT girl, I felt safe as THAT girl, I was familiar and comfortable in that identity. The pandemic couldn’t have happened at a better time for me, I really needed that break away from the norm, the distance from my social gatherings! This helped the Word take root in me, I had less things to distract me, I had nowhere to be but alone with God! JAMES 1:22 “BUT DON’T JUST LISTEN TO GOD’S WORD. YOU MUST DO WHAT IT SAYS. OTHERWISE, YOU ARE ONLY FOOLING YOURSELVES.” I can easily say that the pandemic allowed me to be a doer of God’s Word! I spent most of 2020 buried in my Bible, I was taking a lot in. So by the time the world started to open up a little, the social gatherings started again, and now I felt this pressure to revert back to the old me again. I was so worried about pleasing people and making everyone feel comfortable around me, I was really torn between even attending events at times! I hated having to explain my reasoning for not being the old Cerise, simple questioning felt like I was being attacked, I felt like I had to be on the defence all the time, so it almost felt easier to just assume my old position! I realise now that my friends just didn’t get it, they were not on the same path as me, they genuinely wanted to know! So for the first time in our years of friendship, we stopped finding common ground.

In the book of Acts it says all who believed had all things in common, and it’s more than just sharing the same love for food, or music, or style of dress! Our core moral beliefs make up a big part of us! We can usually all agree on murder being wrong, stealing, things of that nature, but when we dig deeper and go through our beliefs with a fine toothed comb this is where the major differences start to appear. This is when I realised I stopped having as much in common with my friends anymore. It’s a strange feeling, because once upon a time we pretty much agreed on every single issue! Having conversations was like a gauntlet, I could easily get swept up into it all, showing up as the old me! Even now, I have to be mindful of my words because its so easy to fall back in to old habits.

What changed things for me, and what helps me navigate these relationships to this day was realising that I was no longer living for the approval of this world, or my friends. I seek God’s approval first! He has to always be first! No compromise. I had to accept the new me! I had to look at the old me, and see the broken girl, bound by strongholds, always looking for validation from the wrong people, the sad girl who hid behind her smile, who didn’t have purpose or know her identity or her worth! Once I admitted that was who I was, I was able to bury her and be reborn in Christ! It was then I stopped feeling like I was missing out on things, because truth is I am not! Those things that used to pull me in before no longer call my name, and the reason is because I had to spiritually build myself up, the desires fell away when I armed myself spiritually! Don’t forget we are in a spiritual war, sometimes we forget about the unseen realm, but it is real! When we come to Christ, we have to remember that we were living under the influence of the enemy, for he is the spirit in the hearts of those who refuse to obey God. To really be free of his power we have to build ourselves up in the spirit, by reading God’s word and applying it. Usually in the early days of our walk we don’t consume enough food for the spirit so we find it so difficult to deny our flesh. We need to understand that to deny our flesh is to be obedient to God!

I still love my friends, I still cherish them! I just live for God now, something I never did before! Sometimes I have the fear of being reminded of who I used to be, I don’t want to be in a situation where someone calls my past behaviours out. But I realise that’s a fear I don’t need to have, everything that happens is to give God the glory! Yes I might of used to be THAT girl, but now I am just a testimony of Gods enduring love! Hallelujah! As much as I love my friends I know that things are always going to be a little different as we walk different paths in life! But I know that God will use me to plant seeds, I don’t need to be one of those Christians trying to evangelize everyone that comes into my path, not in a way that alienates them. I know that my new life is meant to show and glorify Christ, His light that lives in me is meant to allure them to want to know more. MATTHEW 5:14-16 “YOU ARE THE LIGHT OF THE WORLD-LIKE A CITY ON A HILLTOP THAT CANNOT BE HIDDEN. NO ONE LIGHTS A LAMP AND THEN PUTS IT UNDER A BASKET. INSTEAD, A LAMP IS PLACED ON A STAND, WHERE IT GIVES LIGHT TO EVERYONE IN THE HOUSE. IN THE SAME WAY, LET YOUR GOOD DEEDS SHINE OUT FOR ALL TO SEE, SO THAT EVERYONE WILL PRAISE YOUR HEAVENLY FATHER.” I pray that my light shines for my friends to see. I pray that they will feel the call and answer the way I did! But whatever their journey may be, because its a different journey for all of us, I hope they know that even though they might not share my zeal or beliefs the fact that they never stopped being there for me, even when they didn’t understand me the same, I will always be grateful that they tried and loved me anyway! I guess this post is a reminder to love your neighbour as yourself, even if they are non believers! Christians are too quick to turn their backs on non Christians (well some, not all) and it’s left a bad taste in the mouth of others! Remember to always ask yourself this “what would Jesus do?!”

WHO AM I?…..

The question that everyone asks themselves at some point in their life! When you don’t subscribe to any belief system (like I used to) that question can haunt you like a toxic ex that hits you up every couple of years with a “hi bighead” I remember having many seasons of feeling unfulfilled with life, lack of purpose, always in the pursuit of happiness and failing. We are always working towards “something”, but that “something” is never really the true prize because once we achieve that “something” a new target is set, then we ride that roller-coaster again! No wonder depression and anxiety is at an all time high. Life becomes exhausting and unsatisfying, and I haven’t even added relationships into the mix!

Before I found my identity in Christ, I felt like a failure! My standards or judgments on who I should be were heavily influenced by culture/society, what they deemed as successfully adulting and winning at life! I am in my late 30’s, no children, unmarried and single (couldn’t even date successfully), don’t own property (I rent a room), all the things society looks down at you for! I only really felt appeased because I had a decent paying job, but it was just that, a job! I was on my own roller-coaster of life and I was not enjoying it! The first truth that God revealed to me, was that culture was wrong! My worth was not based on material things or titles! Do you realise how freeing it is to let that go?? That invisible weight that I carried on my shoulders for years, gone! This timeline of life that the world works on is unrealistic, its dated and holds no relevance to the life of the modern day man/woman! But lets throw God into the mix, and when you consider that a day is like a thousand years, and a thousand years like a day to God as it says in 2 Peter 3:8 then its fair to say our perception of time is invalid! It was learning that God’s timeline and my timeline were never gonna be in sync that brought real clarity! It was realising that I was right where I was meant to be, it was learning that God had a kingdom purpose for my life and He was waiting for ME to come into alignment with His will!

All these things helped me to shed the shackles that Mary, Mary sang about. Not to say that I am free of all “shackles” I’ve got a lot of work to do still! BUT the one bondage that seems to be on everyone’s lips these days “IDENTITY” no longer keeps me bound! Consider how important the topic of identity is today, there are plenty of “groups” who feel unaccepted because of how they identify, whether its your sexuality or gender, or even race, the conversation seems to be in constant rotation! I’ve spent countless conversations trying to make people see that I’m more than the colour of my skin, and I can tell you that I’m tired of THAT conversation! I don’t know what was worse, my own perception of my identity or other peoples perception of how they identified ME! Now, I can’t imagine my whole identity being based on something that can be taken away, or on something that isn’t constant. Not to trivialise the feelings and experiences of others, because I’ve been there and done that, but I’ve learned that feelings are not facts! And our feelings mostly stem from the desires of our flesh!

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JEREMIAH 17:9 “THE HUMAN HEART IS THE MOST DECEITFUL OF ALL THINGS, AND DESPERATELY WICKED. WHO REALLY KNOWS HOW BAD IT IS?” The desires of the heart can be a dangerous thing! We constantly have to exercise discernment when it comes to how we “feel” about a thing, we are so fickle, we live in the age of cancel culture, where in one day you can go from the most loved, to the most hated! Give it six months nobody even remembers why you were even “cancelled”. We start living for the approval and validation of others, and we lose ourselves in the process! When we RECEIVE and BELIEVE in His name (JESUS) we have the right to be called children of God! When we become children of God we recognise that we are made in the image/likeness of God, and we stop living for ourselves, we die to our old selves and we are made new, our validation comes from God not fickle (hu)man! 2 CORINTHIANS 5:15 “AND HE DIED FOR ALL, THAT THOSE WHO LIVE SHOULD NO LONGER LIVE FOR THEMSELVES BUT FOR HIM WHO DIED FOR THEM AND WAS RAISED AGAIN.” Doesn’t get much clearer than that does it!? The hard part is accepting that YOU are no longer in control, but giving it all over to God. That has been a process for me, and still is if I’m honest! I’m constantly reminding myself I am not the God of my life!

My identity is now in Christ! I no longer live for myself! I am no longer in control! My old life has gone, my new life has begun! I am a child of God and I answer to my heavenly Father who is constant and never changes! He calls me to be the light and salt of the earth, to share that God loves YOU so much that he sacrificed His only Son so that He could be reconciled with you because He desires a relationship with His children! 2 CORINTHIANS 5:18 “AND ALL THIS IS A GIFT FROM GOD, WHO BROUGHT US BACK TO HIMSELF THROUGH CHRIST. AND GOD HAS GIVEN US THIS TASK OF RECONCILING PEOPLE TO HIM.” Being a Christian gives me identity and purpose, and my purpose has nothing to do with material things or status, it has nothing to do with what others feel, or even what I feel! Part of the journey/walk with JESUS includes constantly reminding myself of this. We are human and we are not gonna get it right all the time, we are not perfect, only JESUS could remain perfect in his human form because he was God wrapped up in flesh! We are not God’s! There is only one God! And He has enough GRACE for us to love us beyond our mistakes, He is not fickle! So we need to have enough GRACE for ourselves when we forget WHO WE ARE! The enemy is constantly working to confuse us and cast doubt! Its hard out here in these sanctified streets! The only advise I can offer anyone struggling with identity is to seek your Father! Learn about who JESUS is and what he did on the cross! Only when we discover the identity of JESUS CHRIST do we truly discover OURSELVES!