THE THING ABOUT FAITH IS…

We talk about the importance of faith so much, almost like a well rehersed line that just rolls off the tongue without a second thought. When life is running smoothly, we don’t ever question our faith. Faith seems easy. Trusting in God is a walk in the park. But the true test of your faith comes with hardship. When you are sick, when you lose your job, when you lose a loved one. When the worst thing in your world happens, that is when we truly learn what it means to have faith.

This season has felt difficult. I feel like since becoming a believer, my faith has never truly been tested. For the past six years, I have been living in a cloud, and now I feel like I am free falling, anticipating a hard landing. It’s interesting how quickly you can become jaded when things don’t seem to go your way. I am not complaining, I think it’s been good to see things for how they really are. It has been making me more determined to understand what it means to be a believer and really please God! I have witnessed so many disheartening things happen to good people around me, people who fear God, and it made me think about what it actually means to have faith.

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HEBREWS 11:1 “NOW FAITH IS THE ASSURANCE OF THINGS HOPED FOR, THE CONVICTION OF THINGS NOT SEEN.” Imagine having hope for something, and being sure that you will receive that something you hope for. Having that certainty that runs so deep in your soul that no one can question or make you doubt it. That is what faith looks like. And when you have that type of faith, it makes you move differently. That’s why faith equals action! That’s why faith pleases God so much. There is something about watching a brother or sister going through lifes trials and tribulations, but not seeing their faith waiver in God, it acutually builds your faith when you witness it. Faith is powerful. That is why God says all you need is a mustard seed of faith to move a mountain. But you can’t have faith in God if you don’t trust Him, and if you have had a traumatic life where you have learned to not trust people, it can be very difficult to trust in what you do not see.

I remember when God first showed me that I didn’t trust Him. It was a time when I was dealing with a family crisis and instead of taking it to God, I decided to fall back to my old behaviours of dealing with things in my own strength, because for most of my life I had to protect myself by placing the unmaginable things in my imaginary box. Not dealing with things was how I survived. But God told me that I didn’t need the box anymore, that He would take care of me. I didn’t need to survive because He wanted me to live! I realised I still had this wall around my heart, and it was becoming a barrier in how I allowed God to flow into my life. As soon as I trusted God with everything and removed that barrier, I grew closer to him. You go to church, read the bible, repeat the words you read in this ancient book, but until you are tested, it’s hard to know how much everything you read really resonates in you.

In pottery, fire is used to create durable and water-resistant vessels. God uses the imagery of a potter moulding and shaping his creation, illustrating His power to shape, reform, and control the destiny of His people. So fire can bring about purification, which means impurities are removed. And if we look at trials as going through the fire, then we know only good can come out the other side. Now, let’s use common sense because some trials are our own doing and very unnesscersary, but God in His goodness always has a way of turning the bad into good for those who love Him. JAMES 1:2-4 “DEAR BROTHERS AND SISTERS, WHEN TROUBLES OF ANY KIND COME YOUR WAY, CONSIDER IT AN OPPORTUNITY FOR GREAT JOY. FOR YOU KNOW THAT WHEN YOUR FAITH IS TESTED, YOUR ENDURANCE HAS A CHANCE TO GROW. SO LET IT GROW, FOR WHEN YOUR ENDURANCE IS FULLY DEVELOPED, YOU WILL BE PERFECT AND COMPLETE, NEEDING NOTHING.” The testing of faith is nesscersary! Because this walk is about enduring to the end. Our endurance will not grow if life is rosey. Like I said before, when life is good, faith is easy. We actually need to go through the fire so we can grow. In our weakness, God is made strong, so He expects us to rely on Him when we weather the storms of life instead of relying on ourselves. I always think of Peter walking on the stormy sea to meet His master Jesus. His confidence in taking his first step out onto that sea, the hope and conviction he had in his heart that he would and could do the impossible. All until he took his eyes off Jesus and looked at his situation with fear, and stopped believing that he could do the impossible because he started to move in his own strength, and of course he started to sink into that stormy sea. He cried out to Jesus to save him, and immediately Jesus reached in and pulled him out. The first thing Jesus says to Peter is, “You of little faith, why did you doubt?” That is so powerful! It’s a reminder that no matter what the situation, how impossible, or how big it may seem, God is bigger, and there is nothing that He can not get you through. When we see what God can do, not just reading about it, but having our own tangible experience with Him, it changes us, and our faith deepens. People in this world can call you crazy for believing in God because of a book written thounds of years ago, but they can not refute your own personal testimony of God working in your life!

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Sometimes, we forget that Jesus warned us that in this world, we would have troubles. He warns us so that we will have peace and remember He has already overcome this world! It’s so easy to get caught up in the things of this world. The culture is constantly telling us what we should and should not have, or who we should or should not be. Just like a stormy sea, it can get loud and all consuming, and all it takes is us to take our eyes off Jesus for one moment, and then we become consumed! The only way to get through and tred water is to keep our faith and never doubt! Remember that we are nomads on this earth until Jesus returns.

I know that I want to leave this earth perfect and complete, needing nothing. I know that I will not come close to that without a few storms here and there. As James says, consider it an opportunity for great joy! So this post is just a reminder that even if you are going through the fire of life, just know that God is using it as an opportunity to refine and purify you. See it as a great joy to know that through that fire awaits a more developed you, a you that grows closer to becoming perfect and complete, needing nothing!

WHERE IS THE LOVE?

No, I am not talking about the song by the Black Eyed Peas, I am genuinely asking the church, where is the love? It has been a struggle! I know this might sound trivial to some of you seasoned Christians, but I have been finding this season very disheartening. I have been on what seems like a rollacosta when it comes to church. Since parting ways with my old church, it has been eye-opening to see what is going on in other places. I know in my last post I had said that I had found a church, but I think I may have been too quick in making that decision. I think in my desperation to just find myself settled somewhere, I choose too quickly. It was so refreshing to go to a church that was unapologetically proclaiming Jesus and the importance of living holy. I didn’t even realise how thirsty my spirit was for that message! I didn’t hesitate to sign my name up. But, I quickly learnt that even though the word being preached is important, it’s not the only thing I needed.

After attending that church for over a month, I found that the people were not that friendly or warm. I couldn’t feel the love of Jesus reflecting from the congregation. I know that may sound harsh, but as someone new attending the church, not many people would talk to me. Other than the pastor and his wife, only one person had gone out of their way to make me feel welcomed. After service, the pastor always tells people to stay for tea’s and coffee and fellowship. But if my friend, who had invited me to that church, wasn’t there, I would find myself sitting alone. I have never been a shy recluse scared to talk to people I don’t know. I talk to everyone! I love meeting new people. But this was different. I found people to just go off in their groups and chat amongst themselves. Even when passing by them, trying to see if anyone would open themselves up to engage with me, I was just met with a polite smile as they continued on in their groups. This made me feel so lonely. I found myself going to church because I didn’t want to get out of the habit that I had for the last 6 years. I was no longer excited in the same way I used to be. I felt like a child going to school because they had to, not because they wanted to. That made me feel sad.

I remember when I first attended my old church, the welcome I received was what kept me coming back at first. The love and care they showed to me, a stranger, felt like being accepted into a family after being an orphan all your life. It wasn’t just from the leadership. It was everyone! People went out of their way to talk to you because they knew they had not seen you before. There was a genuine feeling of a desire to connect. Because of this welcome, which was the culture of that church, I learned to do the same because that was all I knew. I assumed that was the way of church! I was wrong. I realise that I need a church with a solid word and the love of Jesus. I can’t have one without the other. Unfortunately, the church I thought would be my new home is lacking in what I need, so back to the drawing board I go. Although I haven’t run out of churches to visit in my area, it is becoming disheartening. Attending churches that I see are very off in what they teach; it feels like I am gonna run out of churches, finding myself in the same position.

1 TIMOTHY 4:12 ” DON’T LET ANYONE THINK LESS OF YOU BECAUSE YOU ARE YOUNG. BE AN EXAMPLE TO ALL BELIEVERS IN WHAT YOU SAY, IN THE WAY YOU LIVE, IN YOUR LOVE, YOUR FAITH, AND YOUR PURITY.” On Sunday, I visited a church that reminded me of this scripture. The preacher started off well in his message but then lost me when he said that reading your bible at home doesn’t build your faith, only hearing the word, meaning only by coming to church on a sunday to listen to your preacher will you increase your faith. Safe to say, I won’t be back there again, but being a mature Christian means being able to discern what is good from what is bad. So, I threw away the bad and kept what was good from that message. I think the body of Christ may have forgotten how to love. In a world where the love of man runs cold, sometimes the culture of the times we live in seeps into the church. I know that this doesn’t apply to the whole body of Christ, but no matter how small a group is, it’s still too much. Sometimes showing love to others, especially others that may not be living the way you think is right can seem like affirmation of a life that is opposed to God, but even Jesus showed love to those who lived a life opposed to God. He gave them truth in love, not out of condemnation. His love for them didn’t affirm their behaviour. It was meant to expose the darkness within them by showing them the light. We are meant to be an example of that kind of love. So if someone walks into your church, you should rejoice and seek to know who they are and discern why God has brought them there. We can’t forget that we are workers among the harvest.

I never liked the idea of attending mega churches because I always thought that too many people would affect how you connect in that environment. But I have learnt that even the smaller churches can create a feeling of disconnect. I have learnt so much about myself and what kind of church goer I am. It has felt like I am creating a checklist of wants and needs when it comes to finding a church. I know that God is pruning me in this season, and I am learning about what it means to walk with God even when my life isn’t wrapped up in serving my church and community. I realised that the way I was serving in my old church was subconsciously becoming like a way of working my way into heaven. I don’t think I would have ever realised that until it was taken away. It left me questioning my identity and what it meant to even be a believer. For the first time, I felt like I had lost my purpose in life. I work for a secular company, and I work shifts, which take up a lot of my time. So, when I was throwing myself into my church, I felt like that was the only way I could do work to build the kingdom of God here on earth. This is why God takes the bad things that happen in your life and turns it for good for those who love Him. Because, leaving my church felt like the worst thing that could ever happen a few months ago, but now I see what He is doing for me and how he is using this experience to shape me and build my faith.

ROMANS 12:1 “AND SO, DEAR BROTHERS AND SISTERS, I PLEAD WITH YOU TO GIVE YOUR BODIES TO GOD BECAUSE OF ALL HE HAS DONE FOR YOU. LET THEM BE A LIVING AND HOLY SACRIFICE-THE KIND HE WILL FIND ACCEPTABLE. THIS IS TRULY THE WAY TO WORSHIP HIM.” Sundays for the past 6 years have been an important part of my worship. Leading worship was a big part of who I was. But when God said it was time to leave these things, I obeyed but felt lost and unsure of what my worship actually meant to God. I forgot that it was more than a Sunday and more than a song. He has reminded me that how I live and conduct myself every day is worship to Him. Just because I don’t have a church right now doesn’t mean I don’t worship God. It’s so funny how you can misplace what is really important in your walk with God and get caught up in the details. Although I long to feel part of community and find a church to call home, the most important part of all is how I live everyday, because church or no church I will always be an ambassador of Jesus Christ, and that is everything.

As I continue on this path to find my community, I want to encourage you if you are in the same season as me. Please don’t give up your search, but don’t forget that being a Christian is more than just attending church on a Sunday. It is life every day. If you are fortunate to be a part of a local body, I encourage you to approach the new face at your church, lead with love because it makes all the difference. I want to end this post with scripture from 1 Corinthians. This scripture has been jumping out at me of late, and it’s a good reminder that without love, it’s all worthless. Your church can have the best preachers on a sunday, the best worship, great kids work, and packed seats, but without love, it means nothing!

1 CORINTHIANS 13:1-3 “IF I COULD SPEAK ALL THE LANGUAGES OF EARTH AND OF ANGELS, BUT DIDN’T LOVE OTHERS, I WOULD ONLY BE A NOISY GONG OR A CLANGING CYMBAL. IF I HAD THE GIFT OF PROPHECY, AND IF I UNDERSTOOD ALL OF GOD’S SECRET PLANS AND POSSESSED ALL KNOWLEDGE, AND IF I HAD SUCH FAITH THAT I COULD MOVE MOUNTAINS, BUT DIDN’T LOVE OTHERS, I WOULD BE NOTHING. IF I GAVE EVERYTHING I HAVE TO THE POOR AND EVEN SACRIFICED MY BODY, I COULD BOAST ABOUT IT; BUT IF I DIDN’T LOVE OTHERS, I WOULD HAVE GAINED NOTHING.”

WHEN GOD CHANGES YOUR DIRECTION.

I struggled with writing this blog because so much has happened since my last post, and I have debated whether I should discuss it here, but I would not be true to myself or my blog (which can sometimes feel like therapy) if I didn’t talk about it, and it might help somebody else, which has always been the point of sharing so openly. So, there is no easy way to say it, but I decided to leave my church. This was not an easy decision, and it was one that I prayed about, wanting to make sure it was the Lord moving me on instead of my flesh. There is so much I want to say about it, but I know it would not be right to disclose everything here. So I will share what I can and be mindful that I honour God with my words. Honestly, this has felt like a breakup. I have gone through all the emotions possible. This was my first church home where God placed me when he convicted me in my room that I needed to be a part of the body, which meant being a part of a community. The place where I got baptised. The place where I experienced my first’s with God. The place where He revealed my gift of worshipping and leading others in worship. It was home. But sometimes you come to a point when you just don’t share the same vision. I am aware of how crazy that sounds being that the body of Christ should all share the same vision, but sometimes it’s about how we achieve that vision and what we feel convicted about.

I am so glad that I came to Christ in my unique way. I was never indoctrinated by religion or followed man like he was God. I came to the Lord through His word and nothing more. I had no experience of church, I just read what it was meant to look like when reading the book of Acts, and that was what I wanted to be a part of. But God always warned me about man and how our hearts can not be trusted, so I pledged never to place my faith in man, but only the man that is Jesus. Because of man, church can be messy! If I was spiritually immature, I think I would have left church a lot sooner because people can be the most disappointing. I have had my share of ups and downs with the body of Christ, and believe me, I know that church hurt is a real thing. But the Word says that offence hardens the heart, and I always wanted to have a heart of flesh where God could mould it as he saw fit. When your heart is hard, you make it unmouldable. So, I kept my eyes focused on Jesus through the mess and constantly reminded myself that people who attend church are here because they know they need fixing (well, most do).

As you may be able to tell from my posts and the things I talk about here, I am no wall flower, and if something doesn’t feel right, I will not hesitate to voice my concerns. I have always done that at church, so believe me when I say this time was no different. I believe that one of my gifts has been the spirit of discernment, and what I was descerning was grieving me in spirit. I am a creature of habit, and when I am comfortable, I will not leave! I had built up a reputation at my church as someone wise who others looked up to. I led worship every Sunday, which was an honour. I was comfortable in the position I held, but when God says it’s time to move, you move! When God is leading you, trust and believe He will give you that peace that surpasses all understanding. I remember going to bed in waves of grief, crying out to God to give me peace if it was His will. That next morning, I was so serene and at peace, I had the best restful sleep one can have with 5 hours, and I remember feeling so grateful that God had been so clear. From that day forth, I never shed another tear or even felt sad about my decision. In fact I felt the joy of the Lord wash over me and the day I met with my leaders to tell them of my decision and reason, I felt like God say, go in peace and honour them! It reminded me of the graciousness of David, the man after God’s own heart. He spoke truth in love when it came to Saul. He had opportunities where he could have cut Saul down, but he always chose to show him mercy and honour him. He left it to God to deal with, and that’s exactly what God did. Although I am no David and my church has nothing to do with Saul, I felt God reminding me how to carry myself as a child of God.

Do you ever look at significant moments in your life where you are reminded of how far God has brought you? Because the old me would not have been so merciful, and my words would have spoken death instead of life. All glory to God! PROVERBS 18:21 “DEATH AND LIFE ARE IN THE POWER OF THE TONGUE, AND THOSE WHO LOVE IT WILL EAT ITS FRUITS.” Over the last month, God has spoken this proverb to me in many different ways. He knows me so well it makes me chuckle. I fear God, and because I fear Him, I can go in peace. God is sovereign and knows more than I could ever know or understand. All I need to be concerned about is being obedient and keeping a check of my heart posture. When people leave, it can cause more questions and confusion, and when you hold a respected position at your church, what you say to others can be like a death sentence. So God has been teaching me how to speak life instead. It’s so easy to get up on our self righteous box and point fingers and tell everyone that they have a plank in their eye, but what has that ever done that has been helpful to the body of Christ? Don’t get me confused, I believe that when things are wrong and hurt the body, we have a responsibility to call it out, but remember wisdom will be proven right by her deeds. Sometimes, we have to be careful we don’t cause the little ones to stumble on account of us being hurt or disappointed. MATTHEW 12:36 “AND I TELL YOU THIS, YOU MUST GIVE AN ACCOUNT ON JUDGMENT DAY FOR EVERY IDLE WORD YOU SPEAK. THE WORDS YOU SAY WILL EITHER ACQUIT YOU OR CONDEMN YOU.”

As you know, I have and will continue to be an advocator when it comes to being a part of a local church. This experience has not changed that. For almost six years, I served God diligently with joy. Being connected in my church community was a big part of my life. I have been like Martha, running backwards and forwards, making sure I was serving to the best of my ability. Now it’s time to be Mary and sit down at the feet of Jesus. God says that it’s time to choose the better thing. I am excited to have a season of just receiving it. I needed it! I know that I won’t be Mary for as long as I have been Martha because God has things for me to do for His kingdom. But I am going to enjoy this time of rest that He has been gracious enough to give me. Rest doesn’t mean not going to church. If anything, this has shown me how important it is for me to be a part of the body and be in a church community. I have found a church where I am hearing God clearly, and it’s nice to not be involved in the politics of it all, but I think it’s not good to rush back into a new relationship. Yes, I am looking at it like a relationship. When you leave a long-term relationship, it’s not wise to jump straight into a new one. I’ve only ever known one church, one way of doing church. It’s been refreshing to see what else is out there, and it’s helped me to understand what kind of church goer I am. It’s crazy to feel like the world has opened up to me, and I am now free. But that’s the best way I can describe it.

I have met so many great brothers and sisters in Christ who will continue to be just that. Sometimes, when people leave churches, that means they leave the relationships they created during their time there. I never understood why people did that. After all, the church is not a building! I might not be doing church in the traditional way with them, but we are still doing church together. HEBREWS 10:24-25 “LET US THINK OF WAYS TO MOTIVATE ONE ANOTHER TO ACTS OF LOVE AND GOOD WORKS. AND LET US NOT NEGLECT OUR MEETING TOGETHER, AS SOME PEOPLE DO, BUT ENCOURAGE ONE ANOTHER, ESPECIALLY NOW THAT THE DAY OF HIS RETURN IS DRAWING NEAR.” Look at the apostle Paul, who wrote so many letters to the different churches. He recognised them as one body, just in different areas, and he loved them all the same. When Jesus returns, He is coming for ALL the body, the ones that have placed their faith in Him. Now, I get to meet more people and expand my family, which I find exciting. I also have to do life with people and be intentional instead of relying on seeing people one day a week. These are all positives.

I want to end this post by saying church is important, even if it can be messy at times. Church is not a reflection of God but a reflection of our NEED for God! Yes, life would be much simpler if we could just do Christianity without people, but we need people to see the full glory of God manifest in His gifts. We can not be lone ranger Christians. We are called to serve just as Jesus served. Don’t let the mess get in the way of what and who God has called you to be, because in the end it’s not even about you, you are not the main character of this story, it is Jesus!

THE SYMBOLIC CHURCH.

Believe it or not, but this post was sparked by a conversation with an AI chat bot about whether the UK was still considered a Christian country. I was born in London and I have only ever resided here. My grandmother was an immigrant and she had my mum in London so it’s all she’s ever known too. Although I am british, I have always felt like an outsider due to the racial tentions I experienced growing up. When I would see white men waving their british flags with pride, it would subconsciously instil fear because through the years, that flag had been weaponised against people that look like me. Now, through a different lense I am starting to understand what is going on. British people are fighting for their culture and heritage to remain. I am seeing ethnic people like myself who have been born and bred in the UK protesting and waving their british flags with pride. And for the first time, I understand what it’s all about.

The UK was built on Christian values, which has shaped its culture and institutions. The British monarch’s role historically as “Defender of the Faith”, the supreme governer of The Church of England, which dates all the way back to the 16th century has now become largely symbolic and has evolved over time. According to the 2019 British Social Attitudes survey, 52% of people in England and Wales identify as Christians, while 48% do not identify with any religion. When you see stats like that, it’s no wonder there has been such a shift in the UK. The UK is now considered a secular country with a Christian heritage. The laws and institutions, and social norms are largely secular and pluralistic. There have even been debates for the monarch’s title to be changed to “Defender of Faiths” to reflect the countries’ growing religious diversity. When you look behind the veil, you see something more sinister happening in the UK.

Christian traditions are being erased before our very eyes, all under the guise of diversity and inclusion. If your spiritual eyes are truly open, it’s clear to see the UK is under spiritual attack! Just the other day, there was a report of a school in the UK that had decided to cancel it’s annual Easter parade so they could be more sensitive to other faiths. I do believe the other faith is Islam, as this ideology seems to be growing rapidly in the UK. Now, let me be very careful and clear about what I say because free speech no longer exists HERE. As a Christian, the goal is never to force people to believe in what you believe. Our God, Yahweh, is not a dictator. He gives us free will to choose him. So people are free to follow the God of their choosing. But Christian traditions shouldn’t be erased in a country built on the decrees of God! This reminds me of the Old Testament when Israel, after being rescued out of Egypt by God, then forgot about God. JUDGES 2:10 “AFTER THAT GENERATION DIED, ANOTHER GENERATION GREW UP WHO DID NOT ACKNOWLEDGE THE LORD OR REMEMBER THE MIGHTY THINGS HE HAD DONE FOR ISRAEL.” There was a reason why the Israelites were told to study the Book of Instruction continually and to share what the Lord had done for them from generation to generation. Because when we don’t, we forget. Then we end up living in a time where research has shown that Christianity is the most mocked religion in the UK!

This brings me to the church. Sound doctrine is harder and harder to come by in churches today. The Church of England now reflects the pluralistic views of the culture and has made significant changes all in the guise of diversity and inclusion. It looks like the church from the outside, but inside, it is something else. I watched a video of an ordained UK minister talking about the lies found in Christianity. There was so much heresy in his list, but the one that was the most diabolical was that Jesus isn’t the only way, Love is, because God is love! I felt sick to the stomach. The church in the Uk has become infected, and it is spreading. I know not all churches have succomb to this infection, but it’s very hard to find a church that stands on the word of God. It feels like we have become luke warm, and we already know that Jesus warned in Revelation that He would rather us be hot or cold, He will spit us out if we are luke warm!

The message of the Gospel has now been watered down so as not to offend. People rarely talk about the truths that will set you free from bondage, the actual things that save your soul. Going to church on Sundays or every religious holiday will not secure your place in heaven! Hearing motivational speeches on a Sunday will only make you feel good on a Sunday, but the rest of the week, your life is a shambles! 48% of people do not identify with any religion. That is a lot! There is definitely something not right here! If Jesus and the message of the Gospel aren’t being shared, then that number will get higher, and if we think it’s bad now, we haven’t seen anything yet! I know that churches are not perfect places because they are full of broken people. I know for myself it takes a certain level of maturity to endure. That might sound harsh, but I am being real! I do believe being a part of a church is part of the life of a believer, and I will always advocate for it. But when I see the people that God has placed as his shepheards leading people astray, I want to flip tables like Jesus did! But then I am reminded that God already warned us. 2 PETER 2:1-2 “BUT THERE WERE ALSO FALSE PROPHETS IN ISRAEL, JUST AS THERE WILL BE FALSE TEACHERS AMONG YOU. THEY WILL CLEVERLY TEACH DESTRUCTIVE HERESIES AND EVEN DENY THE MASTER WHO BOUGHT THEM. IN THIS WAY, THEY WILL BRING SUDDEN DESTRUCTION ON THEMSELVES. MANY WILL FOLLOW THEIR EVIL TEACHING AND SHAMEFUL IMMORALITY. AND BECAUSE OF THESE TEACHERS, THE WAY OF TRUTH WILL BE SLANDERED.” There are so many other verses about false teachers. It’s clear that God wanted us to know what a problem it would be to the church.

If we let the cultural norm infect the church, the church will lose its power. Jesus has to be the centre of EVERYTHNG! If we pick and choose the truths that seem more harmonious for all, then we are not giving the people the real Jesus! To just lead with God is love to make everyone happy feels deceitful. Yes God is love, and it’s because of His love that He gives us commands to follow, because love is not just telling people what they want to hear to make them happy, love is telling people the truth because you want them to be better! Jesus came to give us life more abundantly. That doesn’t just mean that you get all your hearts desires, because sometimes you don’t. But this “life” means a vigourous life devoted to God! You can keep it light at church if your sole purpose is to make sure all the seats are filled and those tithes flow, then you will receive your reward right now. But isn’t it more than that?

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Church feels more symbolic of what it once stood for. All these new initiatives to create more butts in the seats feel empty and disingenuous. They feel like a business model with no heart or soul. Jesus no longer seems to be the driving force, and this grieves my heart. It feels like the church has fooled itself into believing that It’s all about Jesus when it isn’t. Again, I stress to you that as a believer, it is important to be a part of a community. We are called to serve others, not just ourselves. At the end of the day, it’s not even about us! We are living in some trying times, and it’s only gonna get worse. If you can not stand for the truth of the Gospel now, then woe unto you when you face true persecution for your beliefs. We must endure to the end, which tells us that it won’t be a walk in the park by the time Jesus returns. Please read your word contiunally. Know what the word of God says for yourself, so you can protect yourselves from having itching ears. Don’t get led onto the wide road that leads to destruction! Cling to God in these days, we can not endure if we are far from Him. Please pray for the UK. We need your prayers! Please pray for the 48% that they will come to the truth and knowledge of Jesus Christ!

JOSHUA 1:8-9 “STUDY THIS BOOK OF INSTRUCTION CONTINUALLY. MEDITATE ON IT DAY AND NIGHT SO YOU WILL BE SURE TO OBEY EVERYTHING WRITTEN IN IT. ONLY THEN WILL YOU PROSPER AND SUCCEED IN ALL YOU DO. THIS IS MY COMMAND-BE STRONG AND COURAGEOUS! DO NOT BE AFRAID OR DISCOURAGED. FOR THE LORD YOUR GOD IS WITH YOU WHEREVER YOU GO.”

SLOW AND STEADY WINS THE RACE.

Please excuse the impromptu hiatus. It really wasn’t planned. All I can say is that September was a busy month. I spent the month celebrating another year that God has graciously granted me. I took a solo trip to Paris and had an encounter with the presence of God that was so transformative, that I needed the rest of the month to sit in what He taught me, so I had nothing to talk about (for once). That’s not to say there hasn’t been anything to talk about. The world is still dark and destructive. But God is still and will always be good, so I wanted to just ponder that for a while. Like I said, there is a lot going on in this world, and it reminded me of my journey, my walk with God, the fight to keep my faith in a world that seeks to destroy it. This idea that we are taking part in a race, but not a race to get to first or even second or third place, but to just make it to the finish line made me think of marathon runners. I thought about how they train for their chosen race, whether 5k,10k, or even a half-marathon. They train for up to one year, depending on their fitness levels or experience. Marathon runners never just sign up to run without training first. Ultimately, the goal of a marathon runner is to just finish the race! This, to me, is what it is like to be a Christian. We are running this race (or walking with God) to make it to the finish line, which is where Jesus is waiting to hand us our heavenly prize.

We read the word of God and allow the Holy Spirit to work through us, making us more like Jesus. This is how we train to run our race. The longer we spend training in the word, strengthening our faith, the more endurance we build up to run this race. This race is not about coming first place. This is about making it to the finish line! I remember when I first gave my life to Jesus five years ago. I had so much fire and zeal, I am sure I took off at the start of my marathon like I was Usain Bolt, looking back at weary runners wondering why they were so slow. But as I kept running, I started to realise this wasn’t a race to first place, but a race to make it to the end. I realised that I would burn out quickly if I didn’t change the way I ran, so I made endurance my priority. MATTHEW 24:13 “BUT THE ONE WHO ENDURES TO THE END WILL BE SAVED.”

Enduring to the end simply means to remain firm in your commitment to God, to be obedient to him despite temptation, opposition, and adversity. Let’s be clear, all runners will be tempted to quit the race before the end. Many will do just that because it will seem easier. Some people might decide to take a break from running, promising to rejoin the race at a later date, which is dangerous because once you stop running you lose your momentum and find it hard to pick up where you left off. GALATIONS 5:7 “YOU WERE RUNNING WELL. WHO HINDERED YOU FROM OBEYING THE TRUTH?” And then there are the runners that run slow but keep a steady pace, these are the ones that make it to the end, these are the ones who have trained and sacrificed their time preparing for the endurance needed to receive their prize. 2 TIMOTHY 4:7 “I HAVE FOUGHT THE GOOD FIGHT, I HAVE FINISHED THE RACE, I HAVE KEPT THE FAITH.”

PHILLIPIANS 3:12-14 “I DON’T MEAN TO SAY THAT I HAVE ALREADY ACHIEVED THESE THINGS OR THAT I HAVE ALREADY REACHED PERFECTION. BUT I PRESS ON TO POSSESS THAT PERFECTION FOR WHICH CHRIST JESUS FIRST POSSESSED ME. NO, DEAR BROTHERS AND SISTERS, I HAVE NOT ACHIEVED IT, BUT I FOCUS ON THIS ONE THING: FORGETTING THE PAST AND LOOKING FORWARD TO WHAT LIES AHEAD, I PRESS ON TO REACH THE END OF THE RACE AND RECEIVE THE HEAVENLY PRIZE FOR WHICH GOD, THROUGH JESUS CHRIST, IS CALLING US.”

There is something about Paul talking about his imperfection and his drive to continue and to press on, looking ahead only, that I find encouraging. Paul, who knew he was not worthy for all he had done to persecute the church before he encountered Jesus, walked in a humbleness that I Iong to possess. The fact that this great man of God, whose letters we gleam from today and forever, always eluding to himself being a work in progress, is something we should all take courage from. Forgetting the past and looking forward can sometimes be the hardest part of our journeys. It’s the past that often keeps us bound from moving forward. In a world that is constantly throwing things in our paths to keep us from receiving our prize, paul tells us to press on. I imagine a strong wind working against us as we push forward, teeth gritted, determined to make it through.

The grace of God is so important as we run our marathons. Things happen in life to test us, and we are not always successful. This is what makes us all imperfect beings. But the real test of faith is what we do after we stumble or fall. Do we decide that the race is impossible and sit it out? Or do we get back up, dust off our knees, and continue on, even if our pace is slower than when we first began? It’s like when you watch a race and you see a runner take a fall and injure themself. You think that’s it, they are finished! But you see the fight in their eyes, the determination to cross that line sparks something in them that can seem somewhat supernatural at times, because even though they may no longer be able to run, they press on anyway, limping their way to the end. And as they approach the finish line, you often see their running mates swoop in to support them at the last 20 feet of the race. In that moment, it’s not about how long it took them to complete the race. In that moment, it’s about making it to the end when it seemed impossible, finding strength you didn’t know you had, not giving up!

This walk can be challenging, but that’s life. Life is a challenge. What sets someone that places their faith in Jesus apart from everyone else is that although life has it’s challenges, we do not go through lifes challenges alone. We have help, a hand to hold. We have a God who provides what we need. Don’t let your imperfections keep you from being perfected. If you stumble, let God lift you back up and keep going. Don’t look back on the past. Keep your eyes fixed on what lies ahead! Keep the word of God close to your heart. If your faith is wavering, it’s because you need to spend more time with Him in His word. His word is the key to endurance! As a brother or sister in Christ, we are called to gently and humbly help others who may be struggling to stay the course. Support each other when you see they need help. Don’t look at them as less than because their faith is weak or they are not as mature as you, walk alongside them, love them. We are one body working together with Christ at the head. Let’s start opperating as that. Every part of the body is just as important and is needed, so in a world where the love of man is growing cold, let’s show what the love of Jesus looks like so we can be the light and salt of the earth God calls us to be. JAMES 1:12 “BLESSED IS THE MAN WHO REMAINS STEADFAST UNDER TRIAL, FOR WHEN HE HAS STOOD THE TEST HE WILL RECEIVE THE CROWN OF LIFE, WHICH GOD HAS PROMISED TO THOSE WHO LOVE HIM.”

FEED MY SHEEP.

I’ve been thinking of different ways to approach this topic that has been on my heart. It has taken me this long to formulate my words and my thoughts. This will be a short read, and I am sure this won’t be the only time I talk about this. But my heart has been grieved of late, so much has been happening on a global scale and in my little world. It has been hard to talk about it in a way that doesn’t cause offence to others. I don’t pretend to even know what it takes to be in a position where you are shepherding God’s flock, so please, if God has placed you in that position, please don’t receive what I say as arrogance or that I think I know everything, because that is not true. I know nothing. I don’t know what it takes to be in such a position, and to be honest, I would never want to know because that is not my calling. But what I do have, which is a gift from God, is spiritual descernment, and I see things before others see things at times.

I love being a part of a community, I love fellowship with my brothers and sisters, and I love church. I know not many people can say that because of things that may have been experienced being apart of the body of believers, and although my journey with others hasn’t always been smooth sailing, I have been hurt by people many times already. But I am mature enough to know that the actions of others aren’t a reflection of the God I love and serve, but an accurate reflection of man’s ability to be weak in flesh. This is why we need Jesus! The Good out weighs the bad, and experiences that aren’t pleasant will not turn me away from serving others. But, I can say that from a place of spiritual maturity. It’s to be expected that when we gather together at church, it is filled with believers at different stages of their faith, some new, some old, some unsure. But coming together and doing life together, we are meant to walk with each other, helping others to become more mature in faith. Church is meant to be a place where we can get fed, where we are helped, and given the tools meant to make us more mature in spirit. Yes, we have a responsibilty to ourselves to feed and cultivate our faith because in the end when we stand before God, we will have to answer for our lives and all that we did with it, and we will not be able to blame a soul for our lack. But God has given us people to guide and teach us. This is why church is so important.

When I became a Christian at the end of 2019, my coming to faith was a direct result of the power of the Word of God! In me reading the bible diligently everyday for a month, well it was more like 4hrs of bible study everyday, my mind was being renewed without me even realising what was happening, because I never intended to find God reading the bible, my intention was to prove God wrong instead. I didn’t start out in church. It was just me and my friend doing bible study every day over the phone because we lived in different countries. I became spiritually mature very quickly because I let the word of God renew my mind and build my faith. ROMANS 10:17 “SO FAITH COMES FROM HEARING, AND HEARING THROUGH THE WORD OF CHRIST.” My story was different. We were in a time (the pandemic) where there was nothing to do because the world had shut down. Now, the world is very much open, and many will not have the time I did to do what I did. So people come to church when they want to explore and find out who God is. This is why the church is so important.

The church has a responsibility to feed and help you to become spiritually mature. But that doesn’t seem to be the goal amongst (some) churches today. It seems that they are more and more becoming consumed with numbers in seats and making money. Although those things are not inherently bad, if that becomes the main focus rather than genuine conversion to Christ, there may be a problem. Having a packed out church may make you feel good and stroke your ego as a leader, but what good is it if it is not cultivating a relationship with Jesus? If people are attending week after week, and month after month, but still can’t tell you who Jesus is, or they have no conviction in their heart that they are living away from God, then it’s quite possible you have created a feel good centre instead of a church! You don’t want to give the people attending the truth, in case you lose butts on chairs. Or worst still, you don’t think the word is sufficient enough because you don’t think the people attending the church can handle the truth, so you make it more palatable? HOW DARE YOU!! HEBREWS 4:12 “FOR THE WORD OF GOD IS ALIVE AND POWERFUL. IT IS SHARPER THAN THE SHARPEST TWO-EDGED SWORD, CUTTING BETWEEN SOUL AND SPIRIT, BETWEEN JOINT AND MARROW. IT EXPOSES OUR INNERMOST THOUGHTS AND DESIRES.”

You can think of all the amazing ways to fill your church, but it is all for nothing if it is not centred on the Word of God. Jesus has to always be at the centre of it all. It doesn’t matter if fewer people attend because they can’t handle the unfiltered Word of God. If the truth hardens their heart, then they were never chosen. It is God who does the growing of faith. It is the Holy Spirit who brings people into the revelation of Jesus, not us. We are but vessels that are called to be obedient and share the good news. The people who are meant to respond will do just that!

Jesus asked Peter three times to feed my sheep. Peter, who Jesus made the rock on, which the church was built. He wanted the flock to be attended to, to be brought into spiritual maturity so that they could go on and carry out the task of making disciples. That is still the same for churches today. You can’t expect the flock to become spiritually mature if you withhold the only thing that will bring them into full maturity! 2 TIMOTHY 3:16 “ALL SCRIPTURE IS BREATHED OUT BY GOD AND PROFITABLE FOR TEACHING, FOR REPROOF, FOR CORRECTION, AND FOR TRAINING IN RIGHTEOUSNESS,” notice it doesn’t say to entertain, make you feel good, or tell you what you want to hear. Everything about it makes us reflect on ourselves, search our hearts, and most importantly, turn away from our own desires to carry out the desires of our Father in heaven. It helps us to become righteous!

I think you get my point, so I am gonna wrap this up. This isn’t every church. There are many good churches out there. But it’s a slippery slope, and it is definitely something we need to keep watch from entering our churches. Many are falling away because of it. Leaders, you have a great responsibility. Many souls are under your watch and care. I pray that you will do well in your calling, for not only do our lives depend on it, but your life depends on it also. God bless you all.

FISHING IN YOUR POND.

I have spent the last few weeks talking and thinking about what it means to be a Christian and my purpose; the point of it all! It has led me to have some interesting conversations with other believers, who have made me delve deeper into understanding why we even exist. We all know about Jesus, and we all know that because of Him, we are reconciled back to the Father through the wonderful gift of grace, which cost nothing but our faith in Jesus Christ, and His death on the cross to absolve our sins. Hallelujah, we cry! Salvation is ours! But what next? Now, we work out our salvation on the narrow road, trying, and at times failing, to resist the temptations placed in our way by the evil one, all while we try our best to keep our eyes focused on Jesus! But what next?

While that might seem like work enough, it doesn’t end there. If I am honest, I have spent the last four years worrying about MYSELF, MY walk, MY struggles, MY growth, and MY relationship with God. Don’t get me wrong, that is exactly what I should be doing, but God requires more from me. I have learned to love God with all my heart and all my soul, but now it’s time to love my neighbour as myself! Part of loving my neighbour is sharing the good news of the Gospel, something that I haven’t been doing as well. It’s easy to meet fellow believers and talk about the goodness of God. It takes no effort to engage with each other when we share our love for Jesus. But when we have to explain the reason for our hope to someone who has no idea of who Jesus is and often has no interest in finding out, our mouth suddenly becomes dry, and we stumble on our words, praying that we don’t get asked something theological because we don’t have all the answers! When I think about sharing the gospel, most times I picture myself standing on a street corner, talking loudly about Jesus to strangers who look at me like I have lost the plot, or shout out abuse at me. The thought alone doesn’t make me want to run and grab my bible and make my way to the local town centre. The first thing this fear highlights is my pride, my worry of how I will be perceived by others, or just my fear of persecution. A reason why I am forever reminding myself of 2 TIMOTHY 1:7 “FOR GOD HAS NOT GIVEN US A SPIRIT OF FEAR AND TIMIDITY, BUT OF POWER, LOVE, AND SELF-DISCIPLINE.”

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I then told myself to slow down and take one step at a time. I asked myself, what does sharing the good news of the Gospel really look like for me? Then, my sea suddenly became a pond! All this time, I was picturing myself talking to strangers, and my sea felt too big and overwhelming! Now, I saw all the people I knew, whether friends or colleagues, and now my sea turned into a manageable pond that wasn’t as frightening! It’s no secret that I live for Jesus now. I am constantly reminded of how much I have changed, becoming someone seen by some as wise and full of truth, and others, as a former shell of myself who is no longer fun! Well, you can’t please them all, and that’s fine by me. My faithfulness to God’s word, and how my faith gets me through lifes difficulties, has made it easier for me to naturally get into conversation about what I believe, but I know I haven’t been intentional with most of those conversations.

MATTHEW 28:18-19 “THEREFORE, GO AND MAKE DISCIPLES OF ALL THE NATIONS, BAPTIZING THEM IN THE NAME OF THE FATHER AND THE SON AND THE HOLY SPIRIT. TEACH THESE NEW DISCIPLES TO OBEY ALL THE COMMANDS I HAVE GIVEN YOU. AND BE SURE OF THIS: I AM WITH YOU ALWAYS, EVEN TO THE END OF THE AGE.” The great commision Jesus left to His disciples in His day is also for His disciples today! And if you have accepted Jesus Christ into your heart, then you too are a disciple. We have a mission to go and make new believers and teach them to obey God’s commands. If you have wondered what your purpose in this life is, then look no further. You have found it! Too many Christians do not think this is their resposibility, they think this is reserved for others, but no, we all have a job to do. We need to stop living a life that is dead, wake up! You have risen from death into life! This new life you have been given is not to be wasted. It’s to be fruitful, to be made to be a blessing to others. It’s not about what God gives you, and what you can take from your brothers and sisters in Christ, but instead, it’s about what you can give to God and how you can meet the needs of others! This is why churches remain stagnant because people only attend, thinking about what they can get from it or what the pastor can do for them. Only a few come thinking about how they can serve the church. When we attend church thinking about how we can serve others, only then will we see and start to live out what it truly means to walk with one another, the Christian who is devoted to each other, the ones who love and do life together, true brotherly love!

So now that you know your calling, what will you do about it? Because in the end, if we are only hearers of the word and not doers, we are only deceiving ourselves.

The topic of evangelism has been coming up at my church recently. My church wanting to equip the flock to be able to carry out the great commission has been very enlightening for me. Like I said before, the idea of sharing the Gospel filled me with fear. But now I see it so differently. I was reminded of the story in the Gospel of Luke chapter 8, when Jesus healed a demon-possessed man and sent the demons into a herd of pigs. After the man had been healed, as Jesus was preparing to head back to the other side of the lake, the man begged to go with Him. But Jesus said no. LUKE 8:39 “NO, GO BACK TO YOUR FAMILY, AND TELL THEM EVERYTHING GOD HAS DONE FOR YOU.” SO HE WENT THROUGH THE TOWN PROCLAIMING THE GREAT THINGS JESUS HAD DONE FOR HIM.” Imagine wanting to follow Jesus and his disciples, but being told no, but instead, to just go and tell the people you know, your family, about the great things God has done for you!? Wow! This really blew my mind and made me think differently about what evangelism meant. All the time, I thought it meant that before I could do anything, I had to become a scholar overnight, having read all 66 books in the bible. I thought I had to understand everything in the bible so that I could debate anyone who challenged my faith! I definitely wasn’t a scholar, and I know I didn’t understand everything, I’ve only been walking with the Lord for four years, I just wasn’t qualified! But Jesus says you are qualified because your testimony is your good news! He says, “Go and tell your family about what God has done for you!” You don’t have to be a scholar. You don’t have to know or understand everything. So what, if you meet someone who seems to know more and wants to challenge your belief, because the one thing they can’t debate is your testimony, your experience with God! You will never lose talking about what God has done for you.

My church challenged me to be able to give my testimony in three minutes. It really was a challenge to condense it because I am a natural born waffler. But I mangaged to, and now I will be able to share it with people without fear of losing their attention, and giving them the highlights opens up the door for questions and genuine interest. I really encourage you to do the same. So start with your family, share with your friends, your colleagues, work your way down the list of the people in your life, and before you know it, it will become so natural that you too will be going through your town proclaiming all the good things Jesus has done for you!

When Jesus says, follow me and I will make you a fisher of men, all we need to do is make our way to our own personal ponds, our family, our friends, the people that we have V.I.P access to in our lives, and fish! Keep talking and sharing about the goodness of God, pray for them, and live a life that is holy and righteous. Live a life that speaks of Jesus, and just let the Holy Spirit do the rest. You will be surprised when you ask people who they think Jesus is. The answers will make you realise how misimformed people really are. My mum came to Christ through me and my walk with God, I know this works, God used me without me even knowing what was happening!

So be encouraged, my brothers and sisters. Your testimony is unique. Your testimony is powerful! Go and share what God has done for you confidently and boldly! And remember, you can be sure of this, that He is with you always, even to the end of the ages.

Thank you, Lord, thank you, God, for you are good, for you are love

Forever faithful, full of grace, God of mercy in this place

King of kings, Lord of all, the Alpha and Omega, my cornerstone

The right side of the Father, where you wait, my advocate, who prepares my place

The hearts of men, you know them all, no river too wide, no mountain too tall

Nowhere to hide, for all things you see, from the beginning of time to eternity

Then, one day, when it’s time to rest, I’ll sit and hope I’ve done my best

Faithful servant, righteous and true, is who I hope I’ll be to you.

Cerise Vidal.

WHO AM I?…..

The question that everyone asks themselves at some point in their life! When you don’t subscribe to any belief system (like I used to) that question can haunt you like a toxic ex that hits you up every couple of years with a “hi bighead” I remember having many seasons of feeling unfulfilled with life, lack of purpose, always in the pursuit of happiness and failing. We are always working towards “something”, but that “something” is never really the true prize because once we achieve that “something” a new target is set, then we ride that roller-coaster again! No wonder depression and anxiety is at an all time high. Life becomes exhausting and unsatisfying, and I haven’t even added relationships into the mix!

Before I found my identity in Christ, I felt like a failure! My standards or judgments on who I should be were heavily influenced by culture/society, what they deemed as successfully adulting and winning at life! I am in my late 30’s, no children, unmarried and single (couldn’t even date successfully), don’t own property (I rent a room), all the things society looks down at you for! I only really felt appeased because I had a decent paying job, but it was just that, a job! I was on my own roller-coaster of life and I was not enjoying it! The first truth that God revealed to me, was that culture was wrong! My worth was not based on material things or titles! Do you realise how freeing it is to let that go?? That invisible weight that I carried on my shoulders for years, gone! This timeline of life that the world works on is unrealistic, its dated and holds no relevance to the life of the modern day man/woman! But lets throw God into the mix, and when you consider that a day is like a thousand years, and a thousand years like a day to God as it says in 2 Peter 3:8 then its fair to say our perception of time is invalid! It was learning that God’s timeline and my timeline were never gonna be in sync that brought real clarity! It was realising that I was right where I was meant to be, it was learning that God had a kingdom purpose for my life and He was waiting for ME to come into alignment with His will!

All these things helped me to shed the shackles that Mary, Mary sang about. Not to say that I am free of all “shackles” I’ve got a lot of work to do still! BUT the one bondage that seems to be on everyone’s lips these days “IDENTITY” no longer keeps me bound! Consider how important the topic of identity is today, there are plenty of “groups” who feel unaccepted because of how they identify, whether its your sexuality or gender, or even race, the conversation seems to be in constant rotation! I’ve spent countless conversations trying to make people see that I’m more than the colour of my skin, and I can tell you that I’m tired of THAT conversation! I don’t know what was worse, my own perception of my identity or other peoples perception of how they identified ME! Now, I can’t imagine my whole identity being based on something that can be taken away, or on something that isn’t constant. Not to trivialise the feelings and experiences of others, because I’ve been there and done that, but I’ve learned that feelings are not facts! And our feelings mostly stem from the desires of our flesh!

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JEREMIAH 17:9 “THE HUMAN HEART IS THE MOST DECEITFUL OF ALL THINGS, AND DESPERATELY WICKED. WHO REALLY KNOWS HOW BAD IT IS?” The desires of the heart can be a dangerous thing! We constantly have to exercise discernment when it comes to how we “feel” about a thing, we are so fickle, we live in the age of cancel culture, where in one day you can go from the most loved, to the most hated! Give it six months nobody even remembers why you were even “cancelled”. We start living for the approval and validation of others, and we lose ourselves in the process! When we RECEIVE and BELIEVE in His name (JESUS) we have the right to be called children of God! When we become children of God we recognise that we are made in the image/likeness of God, and we stop living for ourselves, we die to our old selves and we are made new, our validation comes from God not fickle (hu)man! 2 CORINTHIANS 5:15 “AND HE DIED FOR ALL, THAT THOSE WHO LIVE SHOULD NO LONGER LIVE FOR THEMSELVES BUT FOR HIM WHO DIED FOR THEM AND WAS RAISED AGAIN.” Doesn’t get much clearer than that does it!? The hard part is accepting that YOU are no longer in control, but giving it all over to God. That has been a process for me, and still is if I’m honest! I’m constantly reminding myself I am not the God of my life!

My identity is now in Christ! I no longer live for myself! I am no longer in control! My old life has gone, my new life has begun! I am a child of God and I answer to my heavenly Father who is constant and never changes! He calls me to be the light and salt of the earth, to share that God loves YOU so much that he sacrificed His only Son so that He could be reconciled with you because He desires a relationship with His children! 2 CORINTHIANS 5:18 “AND ALL THIS IS A GIFT FROM GOD, WHO BROUGHT US BACK TO HIMSELF THROUGH CHRIST. AND GOD HAS GIVEN US THIS TASK OF RECONCILING PEOPLE TO HIM.” Being a Christian gives me identity and purpose, and my purpose has nothing to do with material things or status, it has nothing to do with what others feel, or even what I feel! Part of the journey/walk with JESUS includes constantly reminding myself of this. We are human and we are not gonna get it right all the time, we are not perfect, only JESUS could remain perfect in his human form because he was God wrapped up in flesh! We are not God’s! There is only one God! And He has enough GRACE for us to love us beyond our mistakes, He is not fickle! So we need to have enough GRACE for ourselves when we forget WHO WE ARE! The enemy is constantly working to confuse us and cast doubt! Its hard out here in these sanctified streets! The only advise I can offer anyone struggling with identity is to seek your Father! Learn about who JESUS is and what he did on the cross! Only when we discover the identity of JESUS CHRIST do we truly discover OURSELVES!