HEALING FROM PAST TRAUMA.

Today’s post is a hard one for me, maybe triggering for some, but I hope it promotes a journey that leads to healing for you. In my pursuit to start my year seeking God more diligently, it has led me down a road into an introduction to the world of spiritual healing and even deliverance. Now let me say it’s all very biblical, nothing new age over here! But in my struggles being a slave to sin, and having the colourful past I have had being apart of the world, I thought I needed to seek extra help to overcome some of my hurdles. I was recommended a therapist of sorts that deals with spiritual healing and deliverance. To be honest I don’t know what I expected, as I hadn’t talked to anyone professionally since I was 13 years old. The informal chats; getting to know this person who I am supposed to share the deepest part of myself with, were very refreshing and easy over a skype call, and before I knew it, I was in floods of tears after an hour into the conversation. Now, I have a long way to go still, as it’s only been a few sessions, but my last session was so revealing and surprising it moved me to share my revelation in hopes it might help someone else.

If you have been reading this blog from the beginning you would know I didn’t grow up knowing God, I don’t come from a religious family, and for 37 years of my life I lived as an enemy to God. Three years in, my walk with God has been difficult! That’s no surprise, its hard to be on the righteous path. As hard as it may be at times, it was definitely harder being apart of the world. When you are apart of the world you live a lie, because they tell you it’s the fulfilling path that leads to happiness, when the truth is you are always left with a feeling of emptiness. That emptiness you feel will never be satisfied if you follow the world, that emptiness is especially reserved to be filled by GOD! In my last session I had to admit I had been experiencing a block; a spiritual block, and I had no idea why. During the month of January, the month I had been seeking out the Lord, God had been communicating with me in different ways, but I felt like I couldn’t receive Him fully. I know the Holy spirit has been trying to fill me at points, but its felt like a tap that drips ever so slowly, instead of the gushing flow that is intended. But why? Was it a problem of unbelief? NO. I know God’s Word, I believe God’s Word! Watching my fellow brothers and sisters in Christ having these flowing in the spirit experiences, I felt like I was excluded from a club that wouldn’t let me through the door.

It’s very easy for the enemy to remind me of my past and make me feel unworthy, but I know that it’s not true! After our previous conversation where I had shared snap shots of my old life; a life where I lived very guarded with my heart, because of my past casual relationships that were built on me being in control and not letting men past a wall; all to protect myself from getting hurt. This led me to dig deeper, something I had never even considered doing. I had closed the door on my past since coming to Christ. All the things that I had experienced in my life and childhood, I had locked away. I thought that had no power over me. Growing up the way I did, I was never able to truly express my trauma, I always had to get over things quickly and get back to life! Sweeping every hurt and pain under the “carpet” being “strong” because that was all I was allowed to be. It was digging as far back as my earliest memories of my childhood that brought the revelation; that made me realise that I was still guarding my heart, even in my relationship with God my heavenly Father. I had created a wall unknowingly because I hadn’t given all the hurt of my childhood to Him. My mind and my heart were not connecting because I was still a hurt child protecting myself out of habit! I realised that I had never been a child, or even knew how to be one! Now when I am faced with being a child of God, and for the first time having someone to call a Father; never knowing my earthly father because he had no interest in knowing me, and not knowing what it meant to be a daughter because I grew up having a mother who wasn’t always loving and was very hard hearted, a mother who was physically abusive at times because she was abused, a mother that would always tell her friends with an air of regret that her life would of been different if she didn’t have me, a mother who planned to give me up for adoption when she found out she was pregnant, a mother who I had to mother. Add being abused at the age of 13 by my brothers dad, and seeing the only man who I ever wanted to call dad attempt to take my mothers life, my walls were built from an early age.

It’s strange how the things you don’t even think about can still haunt you. It’s in that hidden place where the enemy will get comfortable. He works in those hidden secret places, hiding behind the veil of hurt and pain. I thought that hurt didn’t affect me anymore, I am 40 years old! It’s funny how we can be transported back to that hurt child and feel every feeling exactly the same as you did back then. It was overwhelming but after the flood of tears that consumed me after that session, I felt a lightness that I hadn’t felt before. I closed my eyes and asked God to remove the wall around my heart that I had built, to help me to trust and accept His love for me so I could experience Him on a deeper level, so I could experience Him as MY Father!

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Sometimes it’s hard reopening closed doors, it’s easier not to feel, to be numb is how we survive. But not allowing God to truly heal us is even more damaging. We have to trust Him with the hard things, as well as the good things because those who trust in the Lord are secure! No matter what has happened in your past, all the people that have hurt you, the everchanging hearts of man, know that Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today, and forever! 1 PETER 5:7 “THROW ALL YOUR ANXIETY ONTO HIM, BECAUSE HE CARES ABOUT YOU.” There is nothing of our past that He can not carry, no burden too big! His love for us is so great, it numbs our past pain so we don’t have to, we are perfected in His love!

I feel like I have drawn closer to Him since starting these sessions. He has been showing me new things and I have been and still am on this spiritual journey of what it means to worship Him in spirit. When Jesus tells us to seek and we shall find Him, no truer word was spoken. God is not hiding from us, if we look for Him, He will reveal Himself to us. What an amazing God we serve!

My childhood might have been hard but God carried me through every hard point. When I look back on my life I see He was always there, even in the darkest moments He was a light that carried me through the darkness. My mum is amazing, after the life she had and the things she experienced at the hands of those who were meant to love and protect her, she did the best she could in a dark place. The enemy is real and he is out here destroying lives! My mum being new to Christ today is a testimony of the power of God! Remember your past life doesn’t define you, it is your identity in Christ that defines you! So give it all to Him and let Him heal you, because only He can.

PSALM 118:5 “OUT OF MY DISTRESS I CALLED ON THE LORD; THE LORD ANSWERED ME AND SET ME FREE.”

THE MINISTRY OF RECONCILIATION.

I hope everyone has enjoyed the Christmas period. As we look to the new year, I wanted to share this message I shared at my church at the beginning of the year about reconciliation. Forgiveness can be very hard to do but as Christians it’s a very important part of our walk. So I thought I would share this message with hopes that as we go into 2023 we can go with forgiveness in our hearts. God bless you all, see you in 2023!

If we think about the relationships in our lives, I am sure if we are honest we might see there are relationships in need of repair, relationships in need of reconciliation. Now I know we can all feel justified in our reasonings for these relationships breaking down, we can have our reason for placing the blame on others for their wrong doing, and we may feel that things are beyond repair. God teaches us in the bible the importance of reconciliation because ultimately God’s sovereign plan is for us to be reconciled to Him! One of the stories I want to draw from in the bible is the story of Joseph in Genesis. Now, the story of Joseph is very long and I don’t think I could go through it all in detail right now, but I will do my best to summarise it to the best of my ability. There is so much teaching to be had from it, but what I want to focus on is the story of a family being restored. If you come from a big family, I am sure the family dynamics will be familiar to some, I know I see a parallel when I look into my family history.

Joseph was one of twelve brothers. Joseph was what we would call the golden child, he was his fathers favourite. GENESIS 37:3-4 “NOW ISRAEL LOVED JOSEPH MORE THAN ANY OF HIS OTHER SONS, BECAUSE HE HAD BEEN BORN TO HIM IN HIS OLD AGE; AND HE MADE AN ORNATE ROBE FOR HIM. WHEN HIS BROTHERS SAW THAT THEIR FATHER LOVED HIM MORE THAN ANY OF THEM, THEY HATED HIM AND COULD NOT SPEAK A KIND WORD TO HIM.” This story is all too familiar for some of us. This is a cautionary tale to parents. Joseph was resented by his brothers because of his fathers behaviour. Having a big family can be a blessing, but not for Joseph. He experienced rejection from the people that were meant to love him. Just like Joseph we can experience the same rejection from our family, even our friends who are often like family to us.

God gives us spiritual gifts, and we see Joseph’s spiritual gift of interpreting dreams given to him at the young age of 17 years old. He was given two prophetic dreams from God which were a foretelling of his rulership. In his immaturity he told these dreams to his brothers, some may argue in a prideful way without humility. GENESIS 37:5 “JOSEPH HAD A DREAM, AND WHEN HE TOLD IT TO HIS BROTHERS, THEY HATED HIM ALL THE MORE.” I think when God shows us something we have to be careful how we share it with others, because this is what led to Joseph’s brothers conspiring to kill him. Sometimes we have to use wisdom when giving a word, not everyone is able to receive what God is saying.

Now we see what the relationship was like with his brothers, lets fast forward to his brothers conspiring to kill him and a summary of what Joseph’s life is like afterwards. When his brothers plot to kill him and throw him in a cistern, it’s his brother Reuben that tries to rescue him, suggesting that they leave him in the cistern and not harm him. But later it’s his brother Judah that decides to make some money by selling him into slavery where he is taken to Egypt. Joseph goes through a lot and there are parts of his story that we can all relate to. Firstly being betrayed by the people closest to him, feeling alone, treated like an outcast. He was accused of something he didn’t do, lied about, even we he was living the right way. He was imprisoned, he was overlooked and forgotten, all these things we experience in our relationships today. But through it all God was faithful to his word and everything that happened led him to be in a position to fulfil God’s ultimate plan of saving a nation. Joseph was sold into slavery at 17; remember he was 17 when God gave him the prophetic dreams. The dreams didn’t come into fruition until over 20 years later! God can give us a vision of where He see’s us, and in our excitement and impatience we want to see God’s plan for us immediately. We question God when we feel it’s taking too long, but the thing about our Father is nothing happens before it’s time. During the waiting period He is always preparing us to be able to handle where He intends to take us! It’s important to note that during all of this we never see Joseph crying about his situation or cursing the brothers for his predicament, instead you see him honouring God in everything he does, something we can all learn from. Even in his darkest moments, God is always with him! Something we all need to remember in life when we are going through our difficult seasons, God is always with us, even in the silence. God doesn’t forget us!

It’s over 20 years until Joseph see’s his brothers again. When they do come face to face, Joseph is in charge of all things in Egypt, a position given to him by the Pharaoh because of his spiritual gift which saw them well prepared for the famine that would last for 7 years throughout the country. All of the country would have to come to Egypt and deal with Joseph for food supplies, this is what brings the brothers face to face with Joseph. Joseph’s brothers do not recognise him, so Joseph uses that to put them through a series of tests. Being in the position he was in, when he accuses the brothers of having ulterior motives for coming to Egypt; possible spies, the brothers are fearful of Joseph. The tests he puts them through shows a side we haven’t seen of the brothers, it’s the first time they show regret for what they did to Joseph, believing that this bad turn they find themselves in is God’s punishment for what they did to Joseph. Even though Joseph really puts them through it, it’s never in a malicious way, it’s God working through him to bring the brothers to repentance. Remember we need to repent before we can be restored!

Sometimes time can have no affect on a person, but sometimes time can change a persons heart completely. Joseph wept when he heard their regret. After a few more tests he puts the brothers through, he finally reveals his identity to all of them. What you see is a family who was once broken coming back together, being restored after 20 years of separation! You do not see blame being cast out, all you see are hearts being mended. Joseph says this to the brothers when he reveals himself, GENESIS 45:5-8 “AND NOW, DO NOT BE DISTRESSED AND DO NOT BE ANGRY WITH YOURSELVES FOR SELLING ME HERE, BECAUSE IT WAS TO SAVE LIVES THAT GOD SENT ME AHEAD OF YOU. FOR TWO YEARS NOW THERE HAS BEEN FAMINE IN THE LAND, AND FOR THE NEXT FIVE YEARS THERE WILL BE NO PLOWING AND REAPING. BUT GOD SENT ME AHEAD OF YOU TO PRESERVE FOR YOU A REMNANT ON EARTH AND TO SAVE YOUR LIVES BY A GREAT DELIVERANCE. SO THEN, IT WAS NOT YOU WHO SENT ME HERE, BUT GOD. HE MADE ME FATHER TO PHARAOH, LORD OF HIS ENTIRE HOUSEHOLD AND RULER OF ALL EGYPT.” Joseph doesn’t send his brothers away, he doesn’t blame them for the hard times in his life, he doesn’t even have hate in his heart for them. Instead he shows them love and forgiveness, and he recognises God’s divine plan in it all. He says come, you and your families come here where I will cover you, keep you and provide for you. He kisses them and cries tears of joy that he has his family back!

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This is what God wants, He wants us to be reconciled back to him. He says I know you have done wrong, but I want you still, I forgive you! He says I want to cover you, keep you, provide for you, you are my family! This is the ministry we are called to. This is why Christ died on that cross. This is why our sins are washed clean by His blood! God knew that was the only way He could be back in relationship with us. He planned this from the beginning, when Eve took the forbidden fruit. He planned for a way to bring us back to Him so that we could have the opportunity to be restored, to be brought back to our Father, our sins wiped clean, made into a new creation! This is the message we have been charged to share; this is the message of the Gospel! 2 CORINTHIANS 5:18-20 “ALL THIS IS FROM GOD, WHO RECONCILED US TO HIMSELF THROUGH CHRIST AND GAVE US THE MINISTRY OF RECONCILIATION: THAT GOD WAS RECONCILING THE WORLD TO HIMSELF IN CHRIST, NOT COUNTING PEOPLE’S SINS AGAINST THEM. AND HE HAS COMMITTED TO US THE MESSAGE OF RECONCILIATION. WE ARE THEREFORE CHRIST’S AMBASSADORS, AS THOUGH GOD WAS MAKING HIS APPEAL THROUGH US. WE IMPLORE YOU ON CHRIST’S BEHALF: BE ROCONCILED TO GOD.”

God doesn’t count our sins against us, instead He shows us grace when we don’t even deserve it. Even when we fall from grace time and time again, He doesn’t hold it against us, keeping score. He asks us to do the same of others, to show grace and forgiveness, even when they don’t seem deserving! But if we have a God that can forgive us of so much, then surely we can begin to do the same for others! MATTHEW 5:23-24 “THEREFORE, IF YOU ARE OFFERING YOUR GIFT AT THE ALTER AND THERE REMEMBER THAT YOUR BROTHER OR SISTER HAS SOMETHING AGAINST YOU, LEAVE YOUR GIFT THERE INFRONT OF THE ALTER. FIRST GO AND BE RECONCILED TO THEM; THEN COME AND OFFER YOUR GIFT.” It doesn’t matter if its you that has something against your brother or sister, or if they have something against you! We have to learn to own up to our sins and we have to learn to forgive. Remember we have a God who searches our hearts! We can not come to the alter if we can not reconcile in our own lives. How can we be ambassadors of Christ if we do not do what we proclaim!?! If you don’t feel convicted to address any relationships that need reconciliation today, I pray that this message will act like a stone in your shoe. It might be uncomfortable at first, but the longer you walk with it, it starts to hurt and you can’t ignore it any longer, you got to stop and take your shoe off; get rid of that stone!

My prayer for you reading this today, is for your hearts to be softened, for peace and harmony in your relationships, for families to be restored, for forgiveness! Like God forgives us and shows us grace, I pray that you can forgive and extend that same grace to others, so that when you approach the alter, you can approach with boldness! In Jesus name, AMEN.

WHAT CHRISTMAS MEANS TO ME 2022.

It’s the most wonderful time of the year! This season can find us all in a reflective mood whether you are Christian or not. It’s a time where we get together with our loved ones, share gifts, and eat plenty. Although I love all those things, lets always remember Jesus is the reason for the season. This year I have been given a new reflection, and I pray that the Holy Spirit will always give me fresh eyes to see the many ways that God loves us.

Last month I was at a place where I found myself doubting my commitment and even my love for God. It started from a relapse I had. Now, I have always said that I had struggles, but never really mentioned what I struggled with because I wanted to talk about it when I felt truly free from it. I now realise, that is not the right way to go about it. I think the underlying reason for not sharing was because I felt shame, whether I realised it or not. I wanted to talk about it with you when I had overcome it, but that’s not how this works, so in keeping with being completely transparent, I am going to share what to this day I still continue to struggle with.

I struggle with being free from porn and masturbation. LUST. I will make a post in the new year about it in more detail but for now it’s important to know what the catalyst was for my revelation about what this season means to me this year. After having a good solid run of being free from even having the urge to seek out porn, I suddenly relapsed and had a few bad days where I totally ignored God and wouldn’t speak to Him, or even Seek Him out because of the deep disappointment and shame I felt. I started to feel unworthy, worthless, and even came to the conclusion that my struggle meant that I could not possibly love God if I kept doing the things that I knew he hated! Knowing that every Sunday I was up leading worship, but still here I am buried under my sin?! I felt like a fraud.

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I had taken “For the wages of sin is death” from Romans 6:23 and weaponised it against myself. Repeating it over and over in my head, I told myself that I was going to pay for my lack of self-control. This is the part where I tell you how important it is to have community amongst your brothers and sisters in Christ. To have people you feel safe enough to share with that know God and receive you with love and truth. It was my sisters who sowed this seed in me when I broke down and shared what I had done, how I was feeling about it, and how I was feeling about myself. My sister shared this verse with me, and the enemy who I had let take root in my mind was suddenly evicted!

ROMANS 7:15 “I DON’T REALLY UNDERSTAND MYSELF, FOR I WANT TO DO WHAT IS RIGHT, BUT I DON’T DO IT. INSTEAD, I DO WHAT I HATE.” If Paul who wrote at least 13 books of the Bible said this, then clearly, he had struggles too! Who knows what he was referring to? but knowing that even someone as Holy as him still wrestled with things made me feel an instant peace. The fact that I was so grieved by my actions was a sign that I loved God! How easy it was for me to let the enemy sow a seed of doubt, it was frightening. After that fellowship, the Holy Spirit; my helper kept on showing me things that focused on God’s love for me. The coming together of everything was sparked by the words “HIGH VALUE.” I know that if you dabble on some of the secular platforms on social media, you usually see this spoken about in regard to men being high value in the most toxic way possible. But it was reading a devotional one morning that highlighted this word in the most beautiful way. I hope it speaks to you like it spoke to me.

Do you know how highly God values you? How much worth you have? God knows you are far from perfect, He even knows what you are going to do, say, or even think before you know it. Even though you have your struggles and you have your bad days, He never holds it against you when you fall short, instead He meets you with grace and love and shows you more mercy than you deserve. His love for you is a love that is hard to comprehend. It’s a love that you will never experience from anyone else. It’s a love that can feel foreign because to receive a love like it, usually comes with conditions. God loves you without condition. His love isn’t dependant on you loving Him back (although it would be wise if you did) He loved you before you loved Him!

EPHESIANS 3:18 “AND MAY YOU HAVE THE POWER TO UNDERSTAND, AS ALL GOD’S PEOPLE SHOULD, HOW WIDE, HOW LONG, HOW HIGH, AND HOW DEEP HIS LOVE IS.”

Do you know how much God wants you? Do you know how much He wants to be apart of your life? How He wants you to be able to be in relationship with Him? For God who is Holy and perfect and infinite longs to be close to you! Because of His enduring and unfailing love for you, He made a way that he could redeem you to Himself, where you belong. You who were born in sin, born on a sinking ship, in a vast, deep, dark ocean, with no way of escape; death was inevitable. Everyone on this ship doesn’t even realise it is sinking because the hole is so small and nobody has noticed the water seeping in. But because God is so good and loves you so much, He made a way for you to be saved from this sinking ship. A life boat appears and His name is Jesus. God sent His one and only Son to pay the ultimate debt for you, a debt that you could never pay for yourself because you are not perfect. He sent He who was without sin to pay the price for your sin! The ultimate sacrifice, because God loves you so deeply and see’s that you are high value.

JOHN 3:16-17 “FOR GOD SO LOVED THE WORLD THAT HE GAVE HIS ONE AND ONLY SON, THAT WHOEVER BELIEVES IN HIM SHALL NOT PERISH BUT HAVE ETERNAL LIFE. FOR GOD DID NOT SEND HIS SON INTO THE WORLD TO CONDEMN THE WORLD, BUT TO SAVE THE WORLD THROUGH HIM.”

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This season I was reminded of God’s deep love for me. He sent Jesus so I could be close to Him, because the only way to the Father is through the Son. Even though I still struggle and I am far from perfect, His Love is Perfect and it casts out fear so I can trust in Him. When I stumble I am reminded that He made a way for me, and it doesn’t require me to be perfect everyday, His grace is sufficient. All I have to do is believe with all my heart in my Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ!

So as Christmas day fast approaches and we are reminded of the birth of Jesus, let us also be reminded of God’s love for us. When I think about it I am often overwhelmed because I honestly believe I don’t deserve it, but who does? God is just that Good! And if He never did another thing in my life, I would still shout out that my God is Good, I am saved! I don’t know who needed to hear this but I hope you feel encouraged! If you are a new follower of Jesus like myself I say to you, you are doing great. God knows your heart so don’t be hard on yourself if you don’t always get things right, remember the righteous path isn’t the easiest path, know you are not alone. If you don’t know Jesus then I encourage you to find out who He is, what He means to YOU and why you NEED Him. As I drift away to safety on my life boat I pray others find their life boat too.

MERRY CHRISTMAS, MAY GOD BLESS YOU ALL THE DAYS OF YOUR LIFE!

THE MISCONCEPTION OF RELIGION.

I know, I know, it’s been a minute. Let me tell you the devil is real! My laptop broke, and I just got it back in working order last weekend, hallelujah! So much has been happening, I don’t even know where to start. I have a few posts that were waiting to be posted (since June) that you will see very shortly, so they may seem a little outdated, but still very relevant. I never realised how doing this blog was helping to shape me until I was disconnected from it. Oh, how I missed this space! Thank you if you are still here with me, please forgive my inconsistence, and hello if you are new to my little blog. There is so much I want to share, so much I have learned during my absence. This walk with God constantly surprises me, it can also be extremely challenging! Every day I am reminded that it really is a choice we make to follow Jesus, it’s actually easier to not follow Him. Which brings me on to today’s topic, religion and the misconception of it.

The reason why I wanted to write this post comes from a Facebook status I saw on my feed from an old work colleague. He is not a believer; he is into Buddhism. Do you ever notice how “wise” people into Buddhism think they are? Like they hold the key to all of life’s unanswered questions? Well, this Facebook friend decided to share his thoughts, probably feeling super enlightened as he typed it out and clicked on post. It read as follows “In my opinion, people turn to religion not to be informed, but to be massaged. It tells them what they want to hear, not what they need to know.” If I am being honest, the post annoyed me. It annoyed me so much all I could comment was “interesting theory.” I had so many thoughts and feelings about it, I didn’t think I could respond in a way that would spark a healthy debate. So, I mulled it over until I had all my thoughts in order, and here we are. Now I don’t know if my colleague will see this, if he does, he will know that this is about him. Just know I have written this with love.

The first question I had after reading that post was what was the religion he was referring to? I couldn’t help but think it was a jab at Christianity, after all Christianity seems to be the most disrespected religion out there! From jokes about Jesus, to tv shows being blasphemous, it’s always socially acceptable to step on the beliefs of Christians. My theory is because Christianity is the truth! Jesus is the only way to the Father and the enemy knows that, so he has people lost and believing the lies and propaganda that is spewed out. Remember the enemy has no care if you follow God. Many people follow a God, but Jesus is who he doesn’t want you to acknowledge!

I also remembered in my time hearing, and even once upon a time agreeing with that sentiment. There always used to be this thought process when you heard that someone you once knew gave their life to Christ. It was that the person had been searching for something that they could not find to satisfy them in everyday life. They had hit their lows in life and could no longer stay afloat like the rest of us. They had failed, so they turned to religion. The funny thing about that was it wasn’t far from the truth; the problem was WE had it all wrong. There is something we are ALL searching for, something that money, material things, sex, drugs, alcohol or social status cannot fill. That space we all try to fill is only reserved for God! The God-shaped hole as I’ve heard it put. We can have all the things this world has to offer and still be unhappy, depressed, and riddled with anxiety. I could go on and on, but I don’t want to stray too far from the point I was trying to make. I remember always looking at someone who suddenly found religion like they were doing life wrong, they needed people to hold their hand and tell them what they wanted to hear, a little like my work colleague. So, I know he wrote that post from a place of ignorance, I too used to be just as ignorant!

LUKE 9:23 “THEN HE SAID TO THEM ALL: “WHOEVER WANTS TO BE MY DISCIPLE MUST DENY THEMSELVES AND TAKE UP THEIR CROSS DAILY AND FOLLOW ME.” I love how it is worded in Luke because of the word “daily.” It really is just that! Every day I wake up and have to deny myself to choose Christ. Following Jesus is doing the opposite of what my flesh wants to do. It’s a constant battle and anyone who says it isn’t, is not being honest. The stronger your walk with God becomes the less battles you may face, but there will always be battles! For 37 years of my life, I was living as an enemy of God. I did what brought me pleasure, I lived for myself only. I got drunk, I had sex casually; there was nothing holy about the life I lived. When God called me, and I answered, He didn’t tell me what I wanted to hear, nor did He massage my ego! He didn’t tell me I was doing a good job and to keep up the good work. Instead, He absolutely brought me to my knees! He showed me I was a sinner, He showed me that the path I was on only led to death, He humbled me! I can say I was truly informed, I was given truth, a truth that had been hidden from me. It’s hard to be told home truths about yourself. It’s hard to accept your shortcomings, but the truth revealed to me was such a great act of love, a love only God could have shown me!

When I read that post I was triggered because I knew how hard it had been for me, and still is to be “religious”, whatever that means to people these days. It’s funny how the word religion can feel so negative at times. When I was part of the world, I never liked that word. Religion meant hypocrite to me. I had such a bad impression of religious people; everyone became tarred with the same brush. When I became a believer, I tried my hardest not to be “religious” even though my view of religion in general was not correct. As I read the bible and started to understand what it meant to be a Christian, God softened my heart to the wording, and now informed I stopped looking at it in a negative way, after all the word means to believe in, and worship a superhuman power, a God, which is not a lie. Now when people use the word religion in a negative way it makes me think of the religious leaders of the bible who would fulfil their religious duties, appearing holy from the outside, but their heart posture was not of God, they had no relationship. Unfortunately, there are a lot of so-called Christians who live like the Pharisees of the bible today.

1 PETER 1:14 “SO YOU MUST LIVE AS GOD’S OBEDIENT CHILDREN. DON’T SLIP BACK INTO YOUR OLD WAYS OF LIVING TO SATISFY YOUR OWN DESIRES. YOU DIDN’T KNOW ANY BETTER THEN.” It can be so easy to slip back into old habits, that is why we are constantly warned throughout the bible about the dangers of this. It’s very different falling back into sin when you know better. The conviction you feel knowing you are displeasing God but doing it anyway is another level. The road to Jesus is not easy! The great thing about it is that He never gives us a false impression of what it means to be His sheep. He tells us the path is narrow, He tells us we will face persecution for His namesake, He tells us we will be asked to sacrifice and put ourselves last, He tells us we will endure suffering and be hated! If we look at the society we live in today; the shift that culture is making, if we stand true to God’s word and do not compromise ourselves, we will experience all those hardships that we are warned about. To be a Christian today is to go against the world we live in, a world that glorifies what God hates. A world where people are a lover of selves, where money and status are king, where people’s hearts have become hardened and cruel, and there is a lack of love for people in general. To be a Christian who does not compromise in this day and age is not an easy feat! Sadly, many are failing in this department; deconstruction is really happening. Nothing about being a Christian is a walk in the park.

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JOHN 16:33 “I HAVE TOLD YOU THESE THINGS, SO THAT IN ME YOU MAY HAVE PEACE. IN THIS WORLD YOU WILL HAVE TROUBLE. BUT TAKE HEART! I HAVE OVERCOME THE WORLD.” Even though we will go through our trials and tribulations, we can have peace in our hearts because we have Jesus! He has already won! We are to keep our eyes focused on above not on earthly desires/treasures, things that are meaningless to the kingdom because we cannot take them with us. Remember we are aliens here; this is not our home. We know our God is faithful and keeps His promises. As Christians our eyes and hearts are focused on an eternity with Christ, that is what we have to look forward to. That is why we choose the hard path and deny ourselves. My Facebook buddy has it wrong, it’s the world that tells you what you want to hear. It’s the world that massages your ego! We live in a culture that affirms your every whim and lies and tells you it’s an act of love. You can wake up and be whatever you want to be, and because it’s your “truth” then that’s ok, cause as long as you are living your “truth” that’s all that matters, even if that “truth” causes you more harm than good.

My Facebook buddy shared his opinion, and opinions can always change. Who knows, maybe he wasn’t even thinking about Christianity when he wrote that post, I could have been triggered for no reason lol, only God knows what was in his heart when he wrote it. But I do know many people share that view of religion and maybe this post will help someone to rethink and ask questions, God has a funny way of reaching people. Although I have spoken about the difficulties of this walk, I want you to know this is, and will forever be the best decision I ever made in my miserable existence. I felt so empty for the longest time, I experienced so much trauma as a result of my search to fill my missing piece. The changes that God has done in me has given me a contentment in myself and my life that I never had before. God has filled me, and I feel so complete within myself. If you read this, and you experience an emptiness, maybe you do not know God yet, or maybe you are curious and something inside you is making you want to explore, well just taste and see, He is good! He knows you and His love for you is so deep that even though you live opposed to Him, when you decide to seek Him, He will be waiting for you with His arms outstretched. Isn’t that beautiful.

CHRISTIANS AND CANCEL CULTURE

Hi, remember me….. Yeah it’s been a while, but life! Lets just start by thanking God and giving Him all the glory for the fact that I am still here and able to come back with another post! This world has gotten a little crazier since I last posted and I have been paying attention to it all! Whether it’s celebrity antics or the war currently taking place, there is a lot happening right now. Firstly I wanna acknowledge and send prayers to those that have lost their lives, and those who don’t know whether tomorrow will come in the Ukraine. Without wanting to feel like I am jumping on another hashtag bandwagon, it’s important to acknowledge that there have been plenty of conflicts and war, this one right now seems to be getting more traction in news and media. So my prayer is not only for the people of the Ukraine, but for all the voiceless and faceless all over the world who have been victims of tyrants, who have lost so much and become displaced, for all refugees!

For the last few weeks this topic has been heavy on my heart, the issue of cancel culture amongst Christians. I have started to think that maybe we were the originators of this cancel culture we see today! That might seem extreme to say but think about it! For as long as I can remember; and this is before I knew the Lord, when I thought of Religion I always equated it to judgement and condemnation, which is the opposite of what Christianity is supposed to be! I remember I was never alone in that thinking, it seemed that was the general assumption amongst non believers. How sad is that!? But why did “we” believe that?? It’s how Christians conducted themselves, it’s how the Church would quickly turn their backs on you if you somehow didn’t meet the standards they had placed on your life. It had nothing to do with Christ but had everything to do with man’s opinion of right and wrong! Sad to say I am seeing the same thing today. What I am noticing today, and to be honest its always been this way, but there are too many Religious people and not enough Christians. Let me explain what I have worked out in my short time on this walk with Christ. When I started to get to know the Lord, I mean really get to know Him through bible study, I saw the difference of what it meant to be Religious and what it meant to be a Christian. In the bible, the Religious leaders in the time of Jesus (the Sadducees, the Pharisees, the Scribes) were what Religion looked like, to be fair it still looks the same in present day. But these Religious leaders would look holy and devout from outside appearances because of the “works” they did and the laws they followed. But when you looked inside of their hearts, their hearts were hardened, they were self indulgent, full of greed and worldly desires. They looked down on others that didn’t meet their standards, standards passed on through tradition. They ignored the important issues that God required from them and focused on minute details that had nothing to do with Gods word.

Jesus said this in the sermon on the mount ” DO NOT THINK THAT I HAVE COME TO ABOLISH THE LAW OR THE PROPHETS; I HAVE NOT COME TO ABOLISH THEM BUT TO FULFILL THEM.” MATTHEW 5:18. He came to build upon what was already established, so that we were no longer legalistic, so that we would have a deeper understanding of who God was through Christ, so that we could be in relationship with God through His Son. Jesus came not only to teach God’s word, but to be a doer of God’s word, something the Religious leaders had not grasped. That to me is what makes a Christian. We are to know God’s word and apply it to our daily lives. So the question I pose to you is this, are you Religious? or are you a Christian?

Now I don’t know how much of social media you intake, but I find it interesting watching from the side-lines. Before Christ I was heavily influenced by culture, social media was my bible. Now it makes me cringe when I see what used to move me, when I would agree with people online thinking they were wise and speaking truth. Now that I see God’s truth is the ONLY truth that matters because it is everlasting, it is clear to me what it really means to be a new creation. Which leads me onto what triggered this whole think tank….Kanye West! Whether you who reads this blog even knows who Kanye West is, is irrelevant. What you need to know is that he is a very big celebrity who publicly converted to following Christ a couple of years back (don’t quote me on time of conversion) What I know about him was that he was brought up to know God thanks to his mother who sadly passed away in the prime of his career. Being a big part of rap culture today, it was a shock to see him really give his art over to serving the Lord. His new Christian music and the Sunday Service Choir brought a lot of celebrities to Sunday service which was basically a praise and worship service that he put together. I remember reading an article that said he had held a concert and over a thousand attendees gave their lives to Christ that night! You can not deny that God was working through him. When he was doing all of this work for the kingdom he was met with apprehension from fellow Christians, he wasn’t trusted by Christians, they questioned his authenticity, some thinking he was just using it to make money and it was fake news. I did understand the doubt over whether he was being genuine but in the end I decided it was none of my business and I would leave the heart issue to God to judge, remembering Jesus when he said I would know His people by their fruit. Fast forward to present day, where Kanye is going through a messy public divorce with his equally famous wife. As a celebrity nothing is private as you know so its been sad to watch the mental decline of Kanye West on social media. His now ex wife is dating another public figure and Kanye who didn’t want to divorce in the first place is now using his art to incite violence towards the new guy. It’s all very messy like I said, but what makes it even more messy is that the Church is watching and judging and the the world is watching the Church!

Watching the critique from fellow brothers and sisters has been shocking! I have been really disappointed in the lack of grace shown, I expected that from the worldly not from Christians! What’s even more damaging is watching the rest of the world react to us Christians reacting to Kanye. Imagine when you first came to Christ, remember what the beginning of your journey was like, how easily you would fall from grace. Now imagine that whole journey being documented for the whole world to see! for everyone to have an opinion and have a say about who you are and the state of your heart for Christ even though they don’t know you! We have all been Kanye, but the difference is we had our privacy!

I know in the bible it says we should pull our brothers and sisters to the side for correction, and I know that is what some will think they are doing, but let me be the one to tell you that, that is not what you are doing. What I see is public judgment and condemnation. The very thing that used to turn me off from Religion. That is not how we win souls! To be a Christian means to be like Christ, so stop being a religious Pharisee! MATTHEW 7:1-5 “DO NOT JUDGE, OR YOU TOO WILL BE JUDGED. FOR IN THE SAME WAY YOU JUDGE OTHERS, YOU WILL BE JUDGED, AND WITH THE MEASURE YOU USE, IT WILL BE MEASURED TO YOU. WHY DO YOU LOOK AT THE SPECK OF SAWDUST IN YOUR BROTHERS EYE AND PAY NO ATTENTION TO THE PLANK IN YOUR OWN EYE? HOW CAN YOU SAY TO YOUR BROTHER, ‘LET ME TAKE THE SPECK OUT OF YOUR EYE’, WHEN ALL THE TIME THERE IS A PLANK IN YOUR OWN EYE? YOU HYPORCRITE, FIRST TAKE THE PLANK OUT OF YOUR OWN EYE, AND THEN YOU WILL SEE CLEARLY TO REMOVE THE SPECK FROM YOUR BROTHER’S EYE.” I know we are all familiar with the phrase “Only God can judge me” now you see where it was born. Usually people stop at the part of the scripture where it says do not judge, but that is what we call cherry picking, when you take scripture out of context to push forward your own agenda. When we Christians are wagging our fingers and turning our backs on our brothers and sisters lets remember this teaching. You will be judged with the same measure you use to judge the Kanye’s of the world, so before you start looking at the faults of others, look at yourself first. Are you faultless, are you without sin? We already know that as Christians the answer is NO! So when you are dishing out that judgement make sure you dish it with a side of grace. As you see from the scripture it doesn’t say we shouldn’t judge our brothers and sisters, but it says before we do anything, before we can bring correction, lets address the faults in our life first, so we can be a better help to our brothers and sisters. Our plank is much more serious than the speck of dust in our brothers eye!

We have to be careful not to cause harm to the body, the Church. God will use whoever He choses, even the unsaved to bring forth His Kingdom agenda. Remember Satan can not cast out Satan! We are all so weary of being led astray by false teachers, as we should be, but we are too quick to call everyone false, quick to cancel! Let’s remember that we are all human, and the struggle on this walk is the same for all, it just looks different for others. Satan knows what to use against us, and when we turn away from him and turn to Jesus, he hates it and sends everything our way to bring us back to him. We know what that was like in the beginning when we were weak, to be honest it something that never stops, it just gets easier to deal with as our faith increases! Leave the matters of the heart to God, no one can deceive our Father, He knows all, He see’s all! MATTHEW 7:22-23 “MANY WILL SAY TO ME ON THAT DAY ‘LORD, LORD, DID WE NOT PROPHESY IN YOUR NAME AND IN YOUR NAME DRIVE OUT DEMONS AND IN YOUR NAME PERFORM MIRACLES?’ THEN I WILL TELL THEM PLAINLY, ‘I NEVER KNEW YOU. AWAY FROM ME, YOU EVILDOERS!” Let’s remember to extend love to our struggling brothers and sisters, lets remember in the same way we struggle and our Father loves us and gives us grace lets do the same for the Kanye’s of the world. But most of all lets not forget Christians, THE WORLD IS WATCHING!

HOW DO YOU MEASURE YOUR GROWTH?

What is growth? What does it mean to you on your Christian walk? The world always talks about the importance of growth and evolving, but as a Christian what does that look like? For me every few months something seems to happen in my life that highlights an area where I noticeably see the growth, this is usually a change of attitude, or response to something that a time like before would have affected me negatively. On the flip side there are moments when I have to say to myself “Cerise, you need to do better!” I love those moments, the moments when I know I need to do better, I stay thankful that the Holy Spirit convicts me! The moment I stop seeing my short comings is the moment that I stop growing, I stop changing for the better! Growth promotes change. Like the saying goes, if you know better, you do better!

Whether you have been a Christian for 30 years, 5 years, or 2 months, the time frame isn’t an indicator of your growth. I have seen more growth in someone who has been a Christian for 1 year compared to a Christian saved for the last 20 years! True growth comes from application of the Word! I know we all know the saying knowledge is power, but knowledge is only power with application! That’s the problem with some of our brothers and sisters, we need to start practicing what we preach. A lot of us know Gods Word, we read our bibles, we can quote scripture when need be, but a lot of us do not apply what we know to our daily lives, so we don’t allow the Word to change us fully. The other side of the coin is that we don’t read our bibles enough to even know what God expects from us, so how can we grow on our walks, how can we change? It’s funny how a start to a new year always brings up the topic of change and becoming a new you, we are all in a season of reflection. I have a lot of work to do myself, I am humble enough to admit my short comings, there is a lot of work God is doing in me, but He has done so much already! Sometimes we can get caught up with life and miss all the little things that God does in us, sometimes we even miss the big things! We go so long without noticing the changes that sometimes we even think God isn’t even working or doing anything in our lives! If this is you, this post is God’s way of telling you to stop and take stock of where you are now and where you started from!

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Another factor when it comes to our growth that we have to consider is our RELATIONSHIP. Our walk depends on our relationship with God, the closer we are to God, the more successful our walk in faith becomes! We have a relational God, He requires us whole heartily. This is why church is also important when it comes to our growth, if your church is not assisting you in your walk with Christ, maybe it’s time to start asking God to draw you to a community where they hold you accountable as a Christian, and I am not just talking about your Pastor!

The reason why the topic of growth came up for me this week was because of a conversation I had with my mum. As you know from my previous post I’ve spoken about my mum and her journey of faith, as she fully came to Christ last year. We have been consistently doing bible study together, as that is how we grow, when we read the word of God and allow it to change us. Merely reading the bible is not enough, we can all read through the bible and comprehend the stories, but to truly understand and gain wisdom from God’s word we must STUDY it, stripping away verse by verse, and allowing God to use something written over 2000 years ago to guide us today. ROMANS 15:4 “FOR EVERYTHING THAT WAS WRITTEN IN THE PAST WAS WRITTEN TO TEACH US, SO THAT THROUGH THE ENDURANCE TAUGHT IN THE SCRIPTURES AND THE ENCOURAGEMENT THEY PROVIDE WE MIGHT HAVE HOPE.” So anyone who thinks the bible isn’t relevant because it was written so long ago, I challenge you to pick up your bible today!

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I know my mum struggles with her salvation, and understanding how God works in her life, but as we have been learning about the Character of God through reading His word, her understanding of how God works has been made clear to her, thank you Holy Spirit! She can now see the changes that have occurred in her life, she can see what God has been doing and continues to do for her. My mum loved to drink alcohol, she had such a taste for it that she consumed great amounts not even realising that she would lose all control in the process. She now can not remember when she last drank to that degree, she no longer desires the taste of it, and it now tastes bad in her mouth. It was through her reflection on what God was doing in her life that she even noticed that she had changed so drastically! She was spending a lot of time thinking that God was not doing anything, feeling like she was not being affected, like there was no growth because what she measured as an acceptable level of growth she was not meeting! But God does things in His own perfect way, in His own perfect time! Sometimes it’s tempting to look at others and judge our growth by comparing our walks with one another, but everyone’s journey will look different, don’t let the spirit of comparison steal your joy!

1 PETER 2:2-3 “LIKE NEWBORN BABIES, CRAVE PURE SPIRITUAL MILK, SO THAT BY IT YOU MAY GROW UP IN YOUR SALVATION, NOW THAT YOU HAVE TASTED THAT THE LORD IS GOOD.” Our spiritual milk is the word of God! The word helps us grow, it strengthens us! How can we experience growth in our walks if we are not consuming our spiritual sustenance? Just like babies are fed daily, so must we if we want to grow up to be strong in faith and experience healthy growth in our walks. Like I said before, it doesn’t matter how long you have been a Christian for, what matters is your growth! I had someone tell me the other day that I wasn’t a Christian long enough to tell them anything in regards to the bible, as they had grown up in the church etc. The interesting thing about that particular conversation I had, I wasn’t trying to school anyone and be a know it all, or seem arrogant, all I did was tell them what I felt God was doing for me and my journey, and also what God was teaching me! But they felt like I was calling them out on what they knew! Now in this case I know the enemy was working within them, they might have been brought up as a Christian, so that was their core belief, but they did not live as a Christian. They had long since fallen away, but instead of repenting or humbling themselves, they decided to let their prideful spirit take control of the conversation. This person might have been a Christian longer than me indeed, they might be more familiar with the bible, but there was no growth! They hadn’t let the Word mature them, I don’t even think they truly understood the Word the way God intended! reciting a story from the bible is one thing, but gaining wisdom from it is something entirely different.

This walk of faith is not a race but a journey! Do not expect quick results, do not expect the same experiences as others! Take your time, soak yourself in God’s Word! Let God do what He does! Trust in Him and give Him thanks for all the small things He does in your life, all while He takes care of the bigger things that have not yet manifested! Don’t let anyone belittle your growth, no matter how seasoned of a Christian they may be! A Christian who feels unteachable is a red flag alert! We can all learn from each other. Don’t worry about the speed of your growth, as long as you experience some measure of growth. God will do the rest as long as you take a step! We can not be drinking milk forever, we must move on to solid food at some point. If you have been a Christian for 30 years or 20 years or 10 years, this is a growth check for you. If you feel like your growth has been stunted, then pick up your bible and read that book for the 50th time, God will speak to you and show you something new!

Every so often we need a reminder that we need to be on fire for God. When you first become a Christian your zeal for the Lord is through the roof! But as time goes on and life takes over, the fire burns out and we slow down, we don’t pick up our bible as much as we should and we forget the power of His Word, we forget that God uses His Word to speak to us! We stop growing, we become content in our knowledge and stop seeking for more. God always has more to give, as long as you thirst for it He will give it to you in abundance. ISAIAH 40:8 “THE GRASS WITHERS AND THE FLOWERS FALL, BUT THE WORD OF OUR GOD ENDURES FOREVER.” There are a lot of “read the bible in a year” bible study guides around right now, even if you have done bible studies in the past, there is always something new to discover, something you might have missed before, something God wants to reveal to you now! Buy yourself a commentary to help you understand the bible if you are not able to join any bible study groups. Use bible apps like “YouVersion” which is free and has so much material to help including daily devotionals you can do alone or with a friend! God is constantly providing ways to reach us in this ever changing world we live in, we have no excuse for why we can not use all that God has to offer! Growth is not just for new Christians, growth is for all! So let’s make 2022 a year of growth.

CHRISTIANS AND THE OCCULT

First let me start of by saying HAPPY NEW YEAR! We made it, we survived 2021! Its been a trying couple of years, so please be kind to yourselves if you feel like life is not what you planned it to be right now, you are surviving through a pandemic, it’s OK! This Christmas was beautiful, lets always keep in mind the reason for the season, but being with family when the previous year we were all kept apart gave me a new appreciation for my loved ones. I am normally the girl who enjoys spending Christmas alone, so being able to spend it this year with my family was such a blessing! Now that all the festivities are over, it’s time to concentrate on what 2022 has in store!

This first post of the year is a little different, a topic I didn’t think would come up on this blog, at least not so soon, but God always has other plans and His plans are always best! I spent a little time on my karaoke app “smule”(I spoke of this in my first post) before 2021 ended, singing and catching up with my friends all over the globe, this happens in a “live” setting so it’s very interactive, and you never know who will wonder into your live! A lady I had never met came in to my live, we will call her “Amy”. So Amy joined me on the mic and we sang a couple of songs in between a lot of chatting. The thing about me is that I will sing and get along with any and everybody, I am very easy going and that usually promotes an environment where people tend to overshare or just be really honest without fear of judgement. One thing that I first noticed about Amy was that she cussed a lot, that is not particularly abnormal, as most I find do, I mean I used to a lot! So being that not everyone shares the same values as myself, I come to expect it when I go on these kind of apps. Amy however was cussing out her 4 year old using explicit language while live, that was one thing I noted. Let me just clarify, I noted not to be judgmental, but it told me that we might not share the same beliefs and values so that would help me navigate my interaction. The thing about being a Christian is that God expects us to navigate ourselves in this fallen world in a way that we stay true to Him at all times! We are not meant to hide ourselves like a light hidden under a basket, we are called to be a light in a sea of darkness! We can’t be people pleasers, but pleasers of God! So that usually means going against the majority, and maybe not being so popular, because we might be seen as boring, but if boring means you don’t conform and compromise yourself then be the best boring you can be!

Back to Amy. During our conversations she kept mentioning that she was spiritual, and that she had ascended to a higher level of spiritual awareness. I am listening to her intently at this point, trying to work out what it all meant to her to be spiritual. I notice when people use the wording “spiritual” it sometimes means that they don’t normally subscribe to any religion, but they acknowledge a higher power of some sorts, whether its the universe or mother nature. As she was talking she started to talk about cards, at this point I stopped to ask if she was referring to tarot cards, which she confirmed to be the case. She then continued, talking about how the cards were very helpful and that people misunderstood them. She said that the cards were “calling” to her to do a reading for me! Now I am no stranger to tarot cards, before I found Christ, I had visited tarot card readers in my time, we all have a curiosity to take a glimpse into our futures, or gain some deeper revelation on a situation or a person, I understand the appeal. But when you become enlightened by truth revealed in God’s word by our helper the Holy Spirit, you learn about these things that we are prohibited as Christians not to entertain! Now the Bible doesn’t mention “tarot cards” by name, but talks about divination, which is part of the occult, and tarot cards fall under that heading! It was at this point that I politely declined, and told her that I was a devout Christian, Jesus was my Lord and Saviour and that tarot cards were demonic!

The conversation got real interesting at this point as this was when she revealed herself to be a Christian! Now you can imagine my surprise to hear this, looking back at our conversation up until this point nothing she said or did told me she was a follower of Christ! She believed that as a Christian, you can use different means to reach a level of spiritual awareness, she saw these things as tools which she truly believed that God used to give revelation! She then told me how her year had been very hard for her, full of tests, God had been testing her all year and she had finally passed and come out the other side with extra abilities (now I never even asked about these abilities) she then said her biggest test had been her being told to sacrifice her 4 year old!!! If you are a Christian reading this, if you are anyone reading this, alarm bells should be going off in your head right now! Of course I was like “excuse me, what!?!” I asked her who had told her to sacrifice her child, and she told me she had been told in a dream at first and then told through a particular deck of tarot cards! She believed that God had told her to sacrifice her child as a test, and because she didn’t, she passed God’s test, and as a reward she received a random free month of rent! I told her that God was not the power behind that test, and God wouldn’t ask you to sacrifice your child! She then told me I was wrong and used a well known story in the Old Testament of when God tested Abraham to see if he would sacrifice his only son Isaac! (GENESIS 22:1-9) This is a classic case of someone misinterpreting and not understanding scripture, it’s easy to read scripture, but to read scripture without true understanding is damaging! Amy was very adamant in telling me that she knew all there was to know in regards to the Bible, she was well versed and almost couldn’t be told anything new! A red flag is a Christian that feels unteachable when it comes to the word! As Christians we are to remain humble like children, always ready to learn! Amy might have read through the bible, she may have remembered all the stories of the Bible, but it was clear to me that she hadn’t studied the bible to truly understand and gain wisdom.

Now I don’t pretend to know everything in relation to God’s word as I am still learning myself! But I knew enough, I understood enough to tell her that the story of Abraham and Isaac wasn’t applicable to her situation because we have JESUS! Jesus was the ultimate sacrifice, the lamb slain for our sins! The death and rise of Jesus Christ meant that we didn’t have to give offerings, like the Israelites of the Old testament anymore because we were given the gift of Grace from God when we believed in our Lord and Saviour! There was a pause from Amy at this point, I could feel her mulling that over in her head. Something made sense to her, because her story then changed from God testing her to Satan being the one testing her, she became a little defensive, so in order not to lose her, I took a step back and tried to change the intensity of the conversation by stating that everybody had their own journey’s to make when it came to the Holy Spirit revealing truth and bringing conviction to a persons soul. My conviction was that the occult was not for me! Shortly after that we got disconnected and I never saw Amy again that night! DEUTERONOMY 18:9-12 “WHEN YOU ENTER THE LAND THE LORD YOUR GOD IS GIVING YOU, DO NOT LEARN TO IMITATE THE DETESTABLE WAYS OF THE NATIONS THERE. LET NO ONE BE FOUND AMONG YOU WHO SACRIFICES THEIR SON OR DAUGHTER IN THE FIRE, WHO PRACTICES DIVINATION OR SORCERY, INTERPRETS OMENS, ENGAGES IN WITCHCRAFT, OR CASTS SPELLS, OR WHO IS A MEDIUM OR SPIRITIST OR WHO CONSULTS THE DEAD. ANYONE WHO DOES THESE THINGS IS DETESTABLE TO THE LORD; BECAUSE OF THESE SAME DETESTABLE PRACTICES THE LORD YOUR GOD WILL DRIVE OUT THOSE NATIONS BEFORE YOU.”

In the days of Moses, the Israelites were fascinated with things of the occult, they often looked for other sources outside of God’s provision, kind of what people still do to this day! God was very clear to them about doing such things, to God these things were detestable! They are still detestable to God to this day! Why? Because when we seek these other avenues to find some kind of enlightenment, we are no longer going to God, we are no longer trusting God with our futures. When we are not seeking God’s provision then we are seeking satan, it’s as simple as that, because what is not of God is of satan! Remember we are in a spiritual war, these things are not to be taken lightly and played with! If you keep seeking and knocking on these doors, you best be ready to receive whatever is behind them! You play with fire you will get burned! What starts of as innocent curiosity, can turn very dark and sinister very quickly, before you know it, you are dealing with demonic spirits posing as familiar spirits, whether its a deceased love one, or casper the friendly ghost, they are not of God! The devil is a liar, Amy is proof of that, the devil has tricked her into thinking that this “spiritual awakening” she is experiencing is from God! That’s the thing about our adversary, since the beginning of man he has always tried to make us question God’s provision, always tried to convince us to live independent of God! Using tarot cards is just another way he does that!

We should always seek revelation from God in prayer or in His word, even God uses other people to convey his messages, not to mention prophetic dreams! We shouldn’t be using trinkets and tools that are commonly used by people of the occult and fool ourselves into thinking that its ok to use these things to gain spiritual enlightenment from God. I notice that when life gets tough and we don’t feel God’s presence for whatever reason, our lack of faith in that moment can cause us to want to find answers elsewhere. I kind of believe that’s what led Amy, who is a Christian down the path that she is on! ISAIAH 8:19 “WHEN SOMEONE TELLS YOU TO CONSULT MEDIUMS AND SPIRITISTS, WHO WHISPER AND MUTTER, SHOULD NOT A PEOPLE INQUIRE OF THEIR GOD? WHY CONSULT THE DEAD ON BEHALF OF THE LIVING?” We should be consulting God for all things, not some pack of cards. We have to start trusting God in the quiet times, and understand that God is always working even when we can not see it straight away! Have patience and know that you will see the “light” on the other side, even if things seem bleak and unfixable. There is nothing our Lord can not change! He is a promise keeper, He is faithful, He is full of grace and mercy, and He loves you! One of my favourite Proverbs is this, “Trust the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on you own understanding” (Proverbs 3:5) God knew in his infinite wisdom that we might experience some times when we might not understand Gods perfect way, we would doubt His perfect will, that is why He tells us to trust in Him, even when we want to make sense of things in our own way, He tells us not to lean into our own understanding!

Maybe one day Amy might come across this blog, maybe she won’t, maybe someone else like Amy will! I hope that this post makes them turn away from these things, or at least stirs something inside that convicts them that this is not the right way! Please use wisdom my brothers and sisters, it’s a slippery slope to opening doors to uninvited guests. Read your word, for everything! Trust in the Holy Spirit! There are many mysteries to our father, the Bible doesn’t reveal everything, but enough to know we can place our trust in Him! This is why he requires us to be in relationship with Him, true relationship promotes trust, if there is a lack of trust, draw closer to Him, spend more time getting to know Him! He will reveal so much to you. MATTHEW 7:7 “ASK AND IT WILL BE GIVEN TO YOU; SEEK AND YOU WILL FIND; KNOCK AND THE DOOR WILL BE OPENED TO YOU.”

THE ARCHITECH AND THE BUILDER, MY FIRST SERMON.

This week I decided to share with you one of the coolest things I got to do this year! My Pastor saw something in me and my growth that he set me a challenge to preach at my church before the year was up. Of course I jumped at the challenge, my goal this year was to say yes to God and not fear, because I have quickly learned that if God puts you in a situation that aligns with His will, He will always see you through because He will never set you up for failure! Of course I had plenty of ideas of things I wanted to cover, but ultimately I prayed over it and let God lead me. With the support of my Pastor I decided I wanted to cover the topic of faith and God’s faithfulness. So as the year is coming to a close, and as we reflect on the madness that seems to be following us into the new year, I think this is a great time to share this with you. I hope that it will instil a renewed faith and strengthen you to hold on in these difficult times! This is gonna be my last post of the year, as I take some time to get my life together for this Christmas. See you all in the new year and God bless you for reading and following this little old blog! Get your cup of tea or coffee and get comfortable, this is gonna be a long one.

I read a book this year by Jackie Hill Perry called “Hollier Then Thou” and the question she asked was this “do you realise how we live is the evidence of what we believe about God?” instantly my mind was blown because I had never thought of it like that! What we believe about God is directly linked to our faith! But what is faith exactly? HEBREWS 11:1 “NOW FAITH IS CONFIDENCE IN WHAT WE HOPE FOR AND ASSURANCE ABOUT WHAT WE DO NOT SEE.” To simply put it, faith is acting like God is telling the truth! But how do we know that God is telling the truth?….TRUST! How we trust God and what we trust God with is a good indicator of the depth of our relationship with him! Now we are all in a relationship with someone, whether it’s your partner, friend, family or a work colleague. We all have different levels of trust in these relationships. If we use your partner as an example, when you met them you didn’t instantly trust them with your life, you got to know them over time, you learned about what they liked and disliked, you learned each others love language! It’s through taking that time to get to know them you learned their character and they became trustworthy! So it’s exactly the same with God! Through our relationship, the more time we spend with Him and get to know his true nature, we understand his character, He becomes reliable, He becomes trustworthy! This is what makes our relational Father so good! We already know that God can not lie, it says so in HEBREWS 6:18, so we can trust and believe that God is telling the truth! So now we can put it into action, proving our faith so that we please God, as it says in HEBREW 11:6 “AND WITHOUT FAITH IT IS IMPOSSIBLE TO PLEASE GOD.” We live in a society that says “to see it, is to believe it!” but God is telling us “to believe it, even if we don’t see it!” That is faith!

Faith is measured by the steps of our feet, not by our feelings. We can sometimes forget our feelings are not facts, as we already know our hearts can be deceitful! The society today is all about doing what you feel without consequence, if you feel like a cat today and a dog tomorrow the culture says yes! Do you! live your best life! The culture makes our feelings fact, which is dangerous, because its no longer based in truth! So to walk based on what we “feel” and not by faith in the integrity of God’s word which is truth makes no sense! Many of our faith based decisions go against our feelings and gut instinct! It’s important to really understand what it means to have faith, so what better example to use than Abraham!

HEBREWS 11:8-10 “BY FAITH ABRAHAM, WHEN CALLED TO GO TO A PLACE HE WOULD LATER RECEIVE AS HIS INHERITANCE, OBEYED AND WENT, EVEN THOUGH HE DID NOT KNOW WHERE HE WAS GOING. BY FAITH HE MADE HIS HOME IN THE PROMISED LAND LIKE A STRANGER IN A FOREIGN COUNTRY; HE LIVED IN TENTS, AS DID ISAAC AND JACOB, WHO WERE HEIRS WITH HIM OF THE SAME PROMISE. FOR HE WAS LOOKING FORWARD TO THE CITY WITH FOUNDATIONS, WHOSE ARCHITECT AND BUILDER IS GOD.” When God called on Abraham to leave all he knew, his family, all he had, his home, all his comforts, Abraham was 75 years old! (how comforting to know that God will use you at any age!) Abraham didn’t question God! He didn’t say ” sorry God, now is not a good time, this doesn’t fit in with my plans” instead he “moved”, he acted, because he knew God’s plan is always better! Remember faith=action, and action is obedience! God made all these promises to Abraham, He promised to make him into a great nation, to bless him, to make his name great, he would be a blessing, and all who blessed him would be blessed, all who cursed him would be cursed, all people on earth would be blessed through him (this includes us!) he would have numerous offspring, too many to count, and like him they were all promised land! God gave Abraham a look at the building plans of his future, and at 75 years old Abraham believed it!

HEBREWS 11:10 “FOR HE WAS LOOKING FORWARD TO THE CITY WITH FOUNDATIONS, WHOSE ARCHITECT AND BUILDER IS GOD.” Abraham’s focus was on what was from above! How many of us can honestly say the same?! It’s so easy to get caught up in the here and now, what we have and what we don’t have! The culture we live in tells us we don’t have enough, we shouldn’t be content, we should look for more! But look at Abraham, he left his comforts, his familiarity, to live in tents like a stranger in a foreign country, all because he was looking forward to the city with foundations, whose architect and builder is God! Abraham had a 25 year wait before he saw a small part of God’s promise come to pass, but still he was looking forward to the city with foundations, whose architect and builder is God! That is some wait! 25yrs is a long time, that kind of wait can cause one to doubt if God is still faithful, you have to have a lot of faith to stay hopeful for that amount of time! But the waiting period is important! The waiting is where we are refined! Where we grow spiritually! It’s where we are often tested, where God is making sure we are ready! It took 25 years for Abraham to be ready to come into his promise, and in that time Abraham lied about his wife being his sister, not once but twice for self preservation, and he had a baby outside his marriage, all of these occasions happened when Abraham took his eyes of God’s providence and timing, a cautionary tale for all who try to control what God has planned for them! It’s fair to say that Abraham wasn’t perfect! But during all those ups and downs God remained faithful to him and Abraham never stopped looking forward to the city with foundations, whose architect and builder is God!

Often in life we come to a crossroads where we don’t know or even understand where God is taking us, sometimes the light at the end of the tunnel isn’t so bright! But if we only focus on what we can see and overlook the spiritual, we will become discouraged! Remember God is spirit, and that is how He operates at times! We are not meant to know God’s every move! We are not meant to understand his timing and how he operates! Those are the mysteries of God, to know all will make us God, and there can only be one God! Remember one day is like a thousand years to God, so how we understand time will never match up with God and His time line, we need to be ok with that! This is why He is so pleased when we move in true faith! Don’t become so practical that you stop believing in God’s promise! Yes, you also have a promise! Some of you might be in your “Abraham” wait, but just know that as God is preparing the promise for you, He is also preparing YOU for the promise! So focus on THE BUILDER, THE ARCHITECT! Don’t get caught up in the worldliness of society, because worldliness is just the exclusion of God! Don’t exchange your eternity with your father for a few “good” years on this pit stop called earth! Look beyond what this earth has to offer you, and remember God is the architect of opportunities in your life! He is the foundation and builder of your future! Trust in your Father, He doesn’t lie! Seek him more and see what that mustard seed of faith can do!

ROMANS 4:16 “SO THE PROMISE IS RECEIVED BY FAITH. IT IS GIVEN AS A FREE GIFT. AND WE ARE ALL CERTAIN TO RECEIVE IT, WHETHER OR NOT WE LIVE ACCORDING TO THE LAW OF MOSES, IF WE HAVE FAITH LIKE ABRAHAMS. FOR ABRAHAM IS THE FATHER OF ALL WHO BELIEVE.”

DO YOU UNDERSTAND GOD’S LOVE FOR YOU?

This week I had a deeper revelation of God’s love for me that absolutely wrecked me and brought me to tears! Of course when you become a follower of Christ, you are told about how much God loves you because He sacrificed His one and only Son for us, I mean who out here would sacrifice like that for you out of love? We might go a step further and call someone crazy for doing such a thing! But really anyone who has a loving, nurturing parent knows that without hesitation they would give their life for their child! Well we have the ultimate parent who did just that for each and everyone of us! So yes I grasped that notion that God loves us, but to be honest its been a concept that has been floating on the surface, mainly because I think I have issues with accepting true unconditional love, deep I know, but the Holy Spirit is revealing so much I didn’t know was there! I am reading the Bible and getting free therapy sessions from my counsellor! I am being refined, really made a new and it is a long process but I know it is so necessary to my walk. Sometimes we don’t even know how much we have hidden until we truly dig deep within ourselves! I can’t say I would ever truly fathom how deep God’s love runs for us but something hit me while studying the Book of Ephesians this week.

I think its fair to say I was left truly humbled and feeling unworthy, a feeling I don’t think I truly comprehended before! Please do not mistake me for being arrogant before God, never have and never will! I always humble myself, WE must ALL humble ourselves before God! But something clicked today about how God SEE’S me that took me to another level of humble. I realised that the disconnect came from how I view myself! I realised that I don’t see myself through God’s eyes, the vision I have is flawed, this is why the idea of God’s unconditional love for me wasn’t really penetrating the way it should! I really couldn’t comprehend it for myself. It’s funny because I will be the first to tell YOU God loves you with conviction, but I noticed that I was skimming past the notion when it came to myself! This revealed to me I have a heart issue, well I should say the Holy Spirit revealed to me that I had an issue with the posture of my heart. We have a God who is a searcher of hearts and minds, so if something is not right trust and believe He will show you. The great thing about all of this is that I would of been still unaware of this issue if I hadn’t of picked up my Bible! This is why I will always say PLEASE READ YOUR BIBLES! If you want to experience true change, growth and Knowledge, it will come from God’s word, the source! The revelation for me was “maybe I don’t love myself the way I should?” I know we have all heard that saying ” if we can’t love ourselves how can we love anyone else!?” or something to that same affect. There is a definite truth to that I believe, because if I was made in the image and likeness of God but somehow have a problem with myself, it made me think how that had to have a knock on effect with how I receive God’s love!?! When we truly receive or understand why God loves us and how much He loves us, we experience a change within, and our hearts are bursting with joy! It promotes a change in our spirits and now our eyes and hearts are focused on Jesus, and what we focus on is what we emulate! So it’s fair to say we start to become more consecrated and Holy!

Now I know that feelings of unworthiness is advised to keep you humble, even the Apostle Paul refers to himself as undeserving! EPHESIANS 3:8 “ALTHOUGH I AM LESS THAN THE LEAST OF ALL THE LORD’S PEOPLE, THIS GRACE WAS GIVEN TO ME: TO PREACH TO THE GENTILES THE BOUNDLESS RICHES OF CHRIST” But even in his unworthiness and his acknowledgment of it, he doesn’t let it cripple him from doing what God has tasked him to do, he seems to accept God’s love, God’s grace, and get straight to business sharing the Good News, seeing his position as a privilege to serve! The problem with me or with us as a body of believers is that we can sometimes let that unworthiness stop us from doing what we have been called to do! Sometimes we can have trust issues that run deep from dealing with the disappointment of people. We become so jaded by this world we live in, when someone does anything for us we become suspicious, asking “why?” instead of just accepting a good deed with gratitude and moving on! This world has sold us a lie on love. When you think about it, it’s not surprising being that satan rules down here, and he is ALWAYS going to give us a perverted version of God’s way. Down here people do things for others disguised as love, but wait with expectation for you to reciprocate, because if you don’t then they get to remind you off all the things they did for you, and the things you don’t do is how they measure love. Down here love is love, meaning we all get to do whatever we like and nobody can tell you otherwise because that is not deemed as loving! (let me not get too carried away there!) But God say’s to us ” I love you despite of yourself, I love you because I made you, I love you even though you do not get it right all the time” and most importantly we can not skim by this “This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him.” 1 John 4:9.

So the part that took my breath away in the book of Ephesians, and mind you I have yet to properly finish it, even though it is a short book there is so much to edify the spirit, I am going through it with a fine toothed comb! Earlier I mentioned how God saw me, and how it was different to how I saw myself. Well it’s Paul revealing the mysteries of God’s plan through Christ that humbled me. Let me see if I can break it down for you.

YOU are IMPORTANT! Let me start of there. You might look at your life now, and not feel much optimism about where or what this life has to offer you, but let me help you understand the way it clicked for me. Before God created the world He had a plan for YOU! He loved you so much He chose you, because He knew you already! Take a moment and let that set in…. Now His plan for you was to be Holy (EPHESIANS 1:4), and the Hebrew word for Holy means to be set apart! But set apart from what? Well if this was his plan before the world was created the only thing I could see was that He set us apart from the Angels, as that seemed to be the story less talked about when we think of the fall of satan which we know happened before God created the earth! Now stay with me here because it was reading further that solidified that idea for me! Because of man’s fall from grace with Adam and Eve, we were spiritually dead because it has become our nature to live in disobedience to God, we live to follow the desires of our flesh, doing what “feels” right at the whim of our sinful nature! EPHESIANS 2:2 “YOU USED TO LIVE IN SIN, JUST LIKE THE REST OF THE WORLD, OBEYING THE DEVIL-THE COMMANDER OF THE POWERS OF THE UNSEEN WORLD. HE IS THE SPIRIT AT WORK IN THE HEARTS OF THOSE WHO REFUSE TO OBEY GOD.” Imagine living under the wrath of God because of our disobedience! And even though we lived this way God still planned a way for us to be reconciled to Him! That is love, a love I will never fully realise, because usually when people do me wrong consistently my response isn’t to find a way to reconcile. But God being so full of grace saved you through Christ! He purchased your freedom with the blood of his only Son, because He knew that was the only way you could draw close to Him, the only way your sin’s could be forgiven so you could have eternal life and gain a seat with Him in the heavenly place through Christ! Because of your belief in Christ, you are saved by the grace of God which is a gift, and this has nothing to do with all the good you have done, so that you can not boast! (EPHESIANS 2:8-9)

So as unworthy as we may be, God still wants to redeem us! So even now as believers in Christ, when we let that feeling of unworthiness start to cripple us, its this knowledge of God’s love for us that should have us back on task like Paul! EPHESIANS 3:10 “GOD’S PURPOSE IN ALL THIS WAS TO USE THE CHURCH TO DISPLAY HIS WISDOM IN IT’S RICH VARIETY TO ALL THE UNSEEN RULERS AND AUTHORITIES IN THE HEAVENLY PLACES.” Remember when I talked about being set apart from the angels? Well this was the verse that solidified it for me! Doesn’t that blow your mind, or is it just me? When you believed in Christ you became part of one body (the church) You received the helper, the Holy Spirit, who was sent to lead you, blessing you with all the gifts of the spirit which come from the heavenly places, this is the sign that you have been purchased through the blood of Christ and a sign you will receive your inheritance that was promised from God! You gain God’s wisdom and it is shown through all the good things you do which He planned from long ago! And all this wisdom you show is just to display the multi faceted God you serve! And like a body we all have different functions, and your function may not look like your neighbours, your function may even seem minute, but its not because nothing about God is minute and nothing about God is unimportant! And all of this is to show these unseen rulers and authorities in heaven the richness that is God because they would never know this about their creator without YOU! I swear I had never looked at it like this before! This is the fun part of being a new believer, it’s learning all these things that let me know the character of my Father, it’s the deeper understanding of all that Jesus Christ has done for me!

I am gonna end with Paul and his prayer for the people of Ephesus, a prayer for spiritual growth for us all! I pray that you who reads this, God will empower you with inner strength, I pray that Christ will truly make a home in your heart, so that your faith will keep you grounded in his peace so that you will experience his love for you “And may you have the power to understand, as all God’s people should, how wide, how long, how high, and how deep his love is.” Ephesians 3:18

LIVING SINGLE AND EMBRACING CELIBACY!

I promise to not make this post super uncomfortable but this is the post where we talk about SEX! *cue dramatic music* ok who am I kidding, this is probably gonna get a little uncomfortable, well for me at least since I am the one who will be baring my soul to you! I believe it’s so important to be transparent and honest, too many people (Christians) have these secret lives, living in shame and denial! Well I say there is no shame in admitting your struggles, the things you do in secret, no more hiding! because ultimately what we are really hiding from is ourselves, because we definitely cannot hide from God! When we hide, it stops us from repenting, and coming to God in repentance is so important in our walks! We all have a past, and some of our pasts are more colourful than others, but its those experiences that shape us, it’s those trauma’s for some that God uses to help us share with others how good our Father is, because even in our transgressions, God is so full of grace and mercy that his hand is always out stretched to us!

I think at the age of 39 it’s no surprise to know I am no virgin. I’ve only technically had one long term (7 year) relationship, after that its been plenty of near misses, you know when you think you meet someone great but after a few months (if that) they show their true colours? But in between all that it’s been a lot of casual hook ups. I went through a sexual liberation phase, I was celebrating being free and sexually uninhibited, and I was actively looking for these kind of connections all under the guise of female empowerment! Let me tell you as a Christian woman if you subscribe to that movement of feminism I warn you to be careful because its a slippery slope that can lead you away from a Christ led life! The joke of it was sexually I wasn’t fully fulfilled like you would expect living that life style, and its not got anything to do with the men I encountered, but more to do with the way God created me! I’ve always been a person that enjoyed building mental and emotional connections more than the physical, without that initial connection, sex wasn’t that earth shattering for me no matter the skill of my partner. So after kissing a lot of frogs, and experiencing some sexual trauma because of lack of wisdom on my part (some frogs need to be avoided at all costs!) by the summer of 2019 (before I found Christ) I had decided that I was not going to give my body away casually anymore, I would save myself for a real relationship! As you can imagine, once I put those conditions on my sex life, my sex life became non existent because surprise surprise nobody I met was ever looking for a long term commitment. By the time November came along, when I gave my life to Christ I had a taste of celibacy so I figured it would be easy to switch to being celibate until I met my husband.

It’s funny how as soon as I put those restrictions on myself, every temptation got thrown in my path! For 6 straight months, it seemed like every guy I had encountered had dusted off their black book and decided to check in on me! Some of them wanting to hook up again for old time sake or even asking about exploring more than just the casual setting, even my long term ex had tried to rekindle something! It was a crazy time! But like I said as soon as I decided to be obedient to God, the enemy tried his hardest to tempt me by offering me a perverted version of what I ultimately wanted, a relationship. ROMANS 8:7-8 “THE MIND GOVERNED BY THE FLESH IS HOSTILE TO GOD; IT DOES NOT SUBMIT TO GOD’S LAW, NOR CAN IT DO SO. THOSE WHO ARE IN THE REALM OF THE FLESH CANNOT PLEASE GOD.” I know the thought of abstaining from sex can seem like an impossible option for some, especially those who are not in a relationship with God, but when I understood what God was asking from me, It stopped feeling like a sacrifice! It started off by me understanding that my body was a temple. I know that is a concept that most are familiar with, but I truly understood that the temple (my body) is where the Holy Spirit resides, the Holy Spirit I received when I believed and accepted Jesus! When we accept Christ we are made into a new creation, its the Holy Spirit that renews us, and causes our desires to change, but we have to be obedient and allow the change to take place! GALATIONS 5:16 “SO I SAY, LET THE HOLY SPIRIT GUIDE YOUR LIVES. THEN YOU WON’T BE DOING WHAT YOUR SINFUL NATURE CRAVES.” When we really let the Holy Spirit guide us, all the things we thought we couldn’t live without become a memory of a past life! Your mind is renewed and your cravings change. Honestly it’s been over year of celibacy and I don’t think about sex! I feel differently about the act itself! Like I said before, I was casually giving my body away without any thought. Now I understand the intimacy of that act and how God intended me to experience it! God showed me that it’s a sacred act to be experienced between man and woman who make a covenant with each other and God in marriage. He showed me the two come together to become one flesh, and that’s how we honor Him in our unions! When you want to live to please God, the things that He hates start to become the things you hate! This is how we start to align ourselves with the will of God!

When I started to learn what it really meant to be a wife, and not in the worlds standard of what a good wife is, but God’s standard, I started to think about the roles we play in relationships! Suddenly the thought of being single seemed smart, and not for the reasons you might think, but because I realised that I had a lot of unlearning to do when it came to my idea of what a good relationship or partner looked like! Ultimately I needed to relearn what the word SUBMISSION meant now that I was a child of God. The word submission in culture today when it refers to women in relationships is viewed so negatively, that it is almost impossible to have these conversations and come to any agreement, especially when we live in a society that champions the women empowerment and feminist movement! Now don’t get me wrong, I am all for women’s rights, and fairness and equality, and I believe God is too! He never made us all in His likeness and image so that we could be at war with each other about who holds more importance, we are all equal, we just have different roles to play! We have a God of order, not of confusion! If God is calling me to submit to my future husband and I have a problem with it, then something is not right here! So before I could think about submission to the future man in my life, I had to learn to submit to God! Because if I can’t submit to God then what chance would I stand in my union?!? I started to look at submission as a good thing, not as a loss of self but a gain of self, a different kind of empowerment. If you read PROVERBS 31:10-31 in the Old Testament, you get an idea of what God views as a noble woman, a woman that God says deserves praise and to be rewarded, and its not a helpless woman who lives under the thumb of her husband! It’s a strong woman, who takes care of her family, is a business woman (a boss!) she is wise, she isn’t lazy, she is hard working! she enriches her husbands life, she instructs with kindness! Just to name a few things. This same woman, who is strong in mind, a boss, and wise still submits to her husband! My fears of submission, I realised came from my past traumas in relationships and encounters with men in my life, I found it hard to separate my experiences and pain. The things I experienced before I found Christ were still weighing on me heavily! I had to let that go and understand that I no longer had to carry that into my new life, and God would teach me what a man with a heart for Jesus would look like, and that would be how I would decide on who my future husband would be!

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It takes a lot of work to change your list of requirements when looking for a partner. When your list is full of superficial wants that have nothing to with heart and character you are setting yourself up for a fall! Now my list is all about heart, about being equally yoked! I am asking about prayer life and relationship status with Jesus, because if I am called to submit to my husband he has to be in submission to God! If you are submitting to a husband who isn’t obedient to God first, you leave the door open for the enemy to enter and destroy! I know I am no marriage expert but I believe you don’t have to be to use the wisdom that God provides you when you read His Word. So to all my single ladies out here who really want to find a holy union, have patience, use this time to really grow in your relationship with God, learn to do what pleases Him and be obedient, because trust me God is using this time to shape and mold you so that you are the woman you need to be! He is making you into a Proverbs 31 woman! Read 1 CORINTHIANS 7:32-35, which basically tells us to use this time of singleness to serve the Lord because when you find your mate your earthly responsibilities of pleasing your partner will become more important! It’s because of this I am content with my season of singleness, I now see the benefits of this time! I know my Father knows what the desires of my heart is and he would not give me such desires which align with His sovereign will if He did not intend to full fill them! It’s because of this knowledge of God’s heart that I can wait patiently with a joyous heart of my own.